Prose if a loved one betrayed you. What to do if the closest relatives and friends have lied to you. What are the characteristics of a coward

Betrayal is always hard to survive. Life has split into "before" and "after". The illusion of a happy family scatters into small pieces, giving rise to many questions. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, if there are so many years of marriage behind you, a lot has been experienced? It is especially difficult to reconcile when you are a little over 60 years old. It seems that the pain of betrayal knocks the earth out from under my feet. Fortunately, it only seems so. It takes time, a deep analysis of the situation, a revision of life values.

How to deal with cheating and not lose yourself? In modern society, there is a widespread erroneous stereotype that they cheat exclusively on spouses, that, solving everyday family problems, they lost themselves, sacrificed their own interests. A typical picture on the pages of women's magazines: a lady in a washed dressing gown, a dirty apron and an unshaven man in family shorts, a stretched T-shirt, slippers, with a beer belly, an eternally dissatisfied expression on his face. Sound familiar? There is some truth in this template, but not great.

A common mistake is looking for reasons in your own appearance. Psychologists call this defense mechanism rationalization. Family union is voluntary. People stay together as long as they want to be around. If feelings have died out, have not turned into deep emotional attachment, a person cannot be held back by a sense of duty, an appeal to honor, morality, and conscience. He will not be stopped by the common house, household, crying children, even the soreness of his spouse.

If a loving person wants to be around, your flaws are not a hindrance. He sees them as features that distinguish the object of adoration from the crowd, a highlight. A partner that intends to leave, no dignity, beauty, talents, skills will hold back.

Experience shows that even celebrity beauties, successful ladies, culinary masters and sexy bombs are being cheated. Marital betrayal also happens in young, young, mature, regardless of race, hair color, style of clothing. To understand how to survive betrayal and separation, you need to realize that the fact of betrayal of your spouse does not make you worse, weaker. You remain a complete person with every right to happiness.

A story about two halves, eternal love - a beautiful, but naive fairy tale. Remember the wonderful aphorism of the unique Faina Ranevskaya:

Only the pill, the nut and the brain have a second half. I was originally whole! - Faina Ranevskaya

The second typical mistake - comparing yourself with your opponent. A person destroying a family is rarely ruled by pure love. More often a deep neurosis, fear of loneliness pushes to fill the spiritual emptiness at any cost. She's not better than you, just different.

The third common stereotype is about an unhappy abandoned wife or an aging bachelor who is too late to start a new life. Utter nonsense, invented, apparently, notorious teenagers. Living under the same roof is addictive, conditioned by habit, the need to give in, sacrifice interests, and seek compromises. it necessary condition cohabitation, but now the restrictions have been lifted. This is not loneliness, but freedom, a chance to realize your dreams. It is difficult to change the usual way of life, but it is possible and necessary.

Step two - analyze the situation

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? The cause of painful experiences is naivety, blind faith in a partner. We did not consider such a situation as likely. There is anger, self-pity, resentment, even a desire for revenge or powerlessness, apathy. Cheating, like all life events, has a reason. If a marriage lasts a long time without qualitative changes, monotonous and boring, discomfort arises. Family life goes through certain stages, tests for the power of attraction, devotion. Stability isn't always good.

Every man, like the literary knight Don Quixote, needs a periodic "fight against windmills", the opportunity to feel like a hero, a savior. Agree, everyday garbage disposal, exercise with a vacuum cleaner is difficult to call a feat or an interesting pastime. Women who have fallen under the heavy pressure of everyday life, lack of attention, admiration, compliments also lose their enjoyment of life. Everyday routine duties slowly hide the sparkle of her beautiful eyes under a tired, thoughtful, a little sad expression on her face.

An explosive connection for family relations is the hyperresponsibility of one and the irresponsibility, immaturity, infantilism of the second spouse. The role of a "caring mother for an unreasonable child" is ungrateful. In essence, this is an encouragement of the partner's irresponsibility. We forget the harsh, but irreplaceable centuries-old laws of life: sacrificing our own interests for the good of another individual, we lose ourselves. The bottom line is sad: interest in you disappears. A person becomes a shadow or a comfortable, somewhat grumpy roommate, nanny, but ruins the aura of attractiveness, intimacy. Boredom replaces passion, creating favorable circumstances for finding connections on the side.

But how to deal with cheating, how to get through pain and be happy? You need to get rid of feelings of guilt, thoughts of your own inferiority. These are common companions of shattered illusions, but it is dangerous to remain in such a state for a long time. They block the path to development, movement forward. Make an informed decision. It is necessary to rebuild the relationship, try to “repair the crack in the family union,” or walk away with a proud posture. Reconsider the relationship, find out the reasons that prompted the violation of marriage promises.

There is no guarantee that there will be no betrayal in the future, but in any case you will gain useful experience and become wiser. Often, complexes and low self-esteem create fertile ground for adultery. She pushes on attempts to prove her own significance, attractiveness, success in such a painful way for the wife. Then you should start at the origins of the problem. If you decide to stay with your partner, you need to work to restore the broken trust.

Don't confuse forgiveness with mercy, humility, reconciliation. These are not interchangeable concepts. Forgiveness helps to get rid of anger, resentment, and humility only hides negative feelings, drives them deeper, hides behind a beautiful picture demonstrative acceptance of the situation. True forgiveness requires internal emotional release, the restoration of peace of mind.

It is necessary to make it clear that trust can only be earned by loyalty, loyalty on an ongoing basis, and working together on family crises. There won't be a second chance. If he does not appreciate it, he will lose your love, warmth, the ability to keep the family.

If you want flowers to bloom in the garden, and the dishes turn out tastier every time, you need to pay due attention to this. In marriage too. Our requirements, needs are constantly changing. A true strong family union is based on the efforts of both partners for the common good. -Psychologist Kosenko Angelina. “Psychology of relationships: the whole truth about marriage. Exposing the prevailing myths "

How to survive betrayal and separation? Don't take responsibility for yourself. The man leaves - he made a choice, let him be responsible for decisions taken... Make the right conclusions, learn useful lessons from your experience, so as not to repeat mistakes and move on, change for the better.

Step three - we develop, confidently start life from a new sheet

The past is an abandoned alley of the park, on which no one walks for a long time. Perhaps her lanterns in the gray dust of cobwebs evoke some nostalgia, but constantly returning, you miss the main thing - development, perspective, future joy, new pleasures. There are many paths in the park. Choose yours.

Remember the sensational story of adultery sex - the symbol of Hollywood blockbusters by actor Arnold Schwarzenegger. After numerous betrayals of his wife with an aged lady, her own housekeeper Mildred Baena, who gave birth to an illegitimate son from a celebrity, Arnold repented, swore to his beautiful wife that she was an "ideal woman", "he still worries." Later, giving an interview to radio host Howard Stern, Schwarzenegger said that divorce after 25 years of a happy marriage was his main mistake.

Does the dear Maria Shriver, the actor's wife, need to blame herself for what happened to the end of her days? Safeguarding anger, resentment, limiting your own capabilities, spending your life on "trauma conservation"? Maria acted wiser. She became free, ceased to be the shadow of a star spouse. She managed to change her train of thought and her own life. She is a successful journalist, Peabody and Emmy award winner, and just a beautiful self-sufficient woman.

Focusing on the role of the deceived victim, constantly complaining to friends, neighbors, relatives, we gain energy through self-pity. But this is a hopeless path. On the contrary, you need to focus on your favorite hobby, which fills you with joy, inspires, gives strength to live, create and develop. Achievements, successes, implementation depend on our efforts, aspirations.

Legend has it that an apple fell on Isaac Newton's head, prompting him to think about the force of gravity. The biography of the scientist claims that the tempting fruit just landed nearby. But such an ordinary event gave rise to the development of physical thought. Perhaps going beyond the boundaries of your usual relationships will become the "magic pendel" mentioned by psychologists for your self-realization.

Magic pendel - gracefully conducted tough customer support. A graceful motivational kick that sends a person into a high flight of thought, energetic useful actions. - Internet resource psychologos.ru

And instead of the usual route "bedroom - kitchen - garden", or "fishing - garage-TV", you will write an interesting book, become the author of fascinating articles of a local newspaper on economic topics, start an Instagram page with photo reports about the beauty of your city, open a small hand-made workshop. Start making funny felt toys for sale and save up money for the trip you have long wanted, but did not dare to. Turn your hobby into an exciting life adventure. As they say, if there was a goal, the means will be found.

Spend more time for yourself, playing with your grandchildren, and self-education. Remember, life is counted not in days, months, years, but in bright memorable moments that cause a feeling of satisfaction, pride in oneself, harmony with the world.

Engage your thoughts in an interesting activity that inspires, brings positive emotions, vivid impressions. Find new friends who share your value system, expand your social circle. Do not be afraid to seek help from a psychotherapist if necessary.

Psychologist's advice will tactfully guide you in the right direction, help you deal with emotions, recognize hidden desires, become more confident, and restore trust in the world around you and in yourself.

Hello my dear readers. Sometimes things happen in life, after which it is very difficult to recover. It is especially difficult if you did not expect it at all. In this state, it is very easy to become depressed, lose interest in life, become apathetic and insecure. Therefore, today I would like to talk about what to do if a loved one betrays you.

Defensive position

A person is not always able to predict a bad event. Usually you hope for a positive outcome. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I doubt that when a young man meets a girl, falls in love, they have an affair, then every day before going to bed he thinks: well, when will she stick a knife in my back?

People want to be happy and that's why they don't expect bad things. Except for those who have already stumbled upon betrayal several times. I have one friend who, in principle, does not trust people. As a child, his parents abandoned him, then his best friend took his wife away, and the second wife ran away with all the common savings. Today he is taking a defensive stance. Like, you don't trust anyone, you don't expect anything good from anyone, which means they can't hurt.

There is also an opposite example in my practice. One woman runs into wicked men over and over again. One beat her, another stole money, the third managed to deprive her of almost an apartment, and so on. Each new lover of hers is worse than the previous one. But she continues to believe and hope for a miracle.

To be honest, both of these options are not the most acceptable cases for a happy future. One is closed and can easily miss his fate, while the other continues to ignore some elementary clues that the person is not the most honest.

A happy person falls somewhere in between these two examples. He trusts people, but at first he doesn't let them get too close. And very well monitors actions. After all, it is actions that speak about a person, and not his words.

Revenge is served cold

I have never been a supporter of vengeful people. To be honest, I never took revenge myself and did not advise anyone to do it. Of course, it is very difficult to be in a situation of betrayal, the soul hurts, an endless stream of tears, you wake up at night because you start to choke.

But for me this was never a reason to take revenge on a person. Especially if I loved him or still love him. Of course, you can say too much about emotion, it breaks everything inside and sometimes you just want to cut a person well.
I believe that there are more interesting ways to show a person that you are doing well and thereby prick him harder.

One of my acquaintances became a victim of betrayal by her beloved man. He left her for a younger one, although they were about to get married. For a month she was in a very dangerous condition that her sister came from another city to live with her. And one day I woke up and realized that she wanted to continue living, that she wanted to find her happiness.

She got a job, changed her wardrobe, became a regular at beauty salons, and six months later she became unrecognizable. It was the real one, who struck men with her beauty on the spot. And then one day we were sitting in a restaurant, celebrating the birthday of a common friend, when suddenly out of nowhere on the horizon flashed the former of our beauty. He walked over to say hello with stunned eyes. He asked to meet, but she replied with a categorical refusal. So, he still calls her and begs for a meeting.

Here, in my opinion, is the best example of proving something to your offender. Girls, let the man you love see you happy, beautiful, in love with life and will greatly regret that he left you then. The same story will easily play into the hands of young people. Revenge concentrates you on the object of betrayal, freezes you in this state and does not let go.

Forgiveness

It is very difficult to forgive a person who betrayed you. Sometimes I would even say that it is impossible. But over time, peace comes, and at this moment it is very important to let go of the situation and move on. I'm not talking about the forgiveness that you give the person and take back. Not. I'm talking about your inner forgiveness.

First, forgive yourself. For the fact that such a catastrophe happened in your life, that you fell for the tricks of a traitor, that you did not notice, perhaps, the obvious facts. Forgive yourself and let go.

Second, forgive the person who wronged you. For yourself, inside. Forgive him and let him go. Let him live with this feeling. Don't take on all this negativity. This is probably the hardest part. And such a moment does not come very soon. Time should pass, you will calm down, emotions will subside and then you can forgive.

Think about yourself first. Punishing the traitor is the work of fate, life and chance, not yours. Your task is to make your life happy, fulfilled, harmonious and the way you want it. It doesn't matter if you are a girl or an adult man, a woman with children or a youth, be sure that you still have your whole life ahead of you and so many interesting things will come along your way.

If you feel that you cannot cope and cannot find answers to important questions - together we will analyze the situation and find a solution.

What to do

But when such a story happened, you always ask yourself: how to survive it? Frankly, everything depends only on you. If you want to solve the situation, you will definitely find a way to do it. I sometimes think about how people enjoy suffering too much. Especially in our country.

Remember that you can always turn to a specialist for help. If you understand that you are starting to get stuck in this story and cannot cope on your own, then a good psychologist will definitely help you. It will help you survive the initial stage, when the world is falling apart, reach a new level, and in addition, become a happy person.

Plus, you can get yourself into work. Getting distracted is not a bad option. When your head is busy with other things, then you just have no time to think about what happened. But remember that after work you will come home, where there will be walls and you. And it is there that all these thoughts can catch up with you.

It is very important for a person to speak out. If you have good ones, they can always listen to you and give advice that may help you. The less time you spend alone in the beginning, the less chance you will be drowning in your own thoughts on this topic.

If you are now in a difficult situation, you have been betrayed and you do not know what to do, contact me for help. Together we will cope with any situation, overcome all the troubles and reach a new level. You will become a happy, contented and joyful person.

I am sure that everything in your life will be wonderful. Patience and strength!

Sometimes it seems that it is impossible to survive betrayal, life will no longer play with bright colors, there will never be happiness again. After betrayal, people change psychologically. In fact, you can cope with pain and various types of betrayal. What psychologists recommend in this case will be discussed further.

Many people who have experienced betrayal immediately make the main mistake - they forbid themselves to suffer. They say to themselves “you are strong” or “you are strong”, “you will stand”, “he / she is not worth your tears”. Pain and resentment build up. Over time, they begin to destroy a person from the inside. The main advice of a psychologist is to allow yourself to suffer. This will slightly ease the pain, it will be easier to survive the betrayal.

Many, after the betrayal of a loved one, has a desire to get drunk. This is not an option. It is a myth that alcohol heals wounds. In fact, a person, on the contrary, becomes more receptive. Having drunk, you will only aggravate the situation, you will become even worse.

Take care of yourself. Don't let your emotions rule for long. Take care, watch yourself. Review your diet, go in for sports.
The person who betrayed you can do even more harm. Try to take care of safety measures.
One of better means healing is fellowship and meeting with friends.

Don't blame yourself for what happened. No words or actions are grounds for betrayal. Better listen to an audio transcript of a renowned specialist in dealing with fears and phobias

Journal "Psychology for Every Day"

How does it work?

Have you ever wondered what is there, on the other side of the mirror? Take a look. You have just seen yourself in the mirror - so beautiful, smiling - and now, after a second, there is nothing. This is approximately how a person who has been betrayed feels. Something subtly changes in the soul: for a short time it becomes empty. Then anger, resentment, a desire for revenge settle in it. Then, if you're lucky, forgiveness. But there is a moment in which the soul is empty. What is leaving her? First and foremost is faith. Faith as trust in the world.

What is betrayal?

A person is born helpless: he is not able to maintain his own life. He can only believe the world that he will keep him alive. First, we seek support from the mother and trust her. We need warmth, food and love as a feeling of confidence that we will be helped. For about two years, the child's social ties are expanding and he goes out to the Big World. He learns to interact, to establish relationships with friends, passers-by, with an aunt on a bench, with an uncle at a bus stop, curiously examines the dog, determining - friend or foe? Someone does it better, someone worse. But each of us, sooner or later, finds himself standing in front of the mirror like this and sees emptiness there. And it seems like the world has turned away.

How does this happen?

Differently. And always unexpected. After all, the essence of betrayal is the violation of our trust in the most important things for us, and the beginning of it is exactly where our faith ends. The conclusion is sad: betrayal cannot be foreseen. It is useless to guess where you will fall and lay straw there in advance. Every time we are completely unexpected and anew, with all possible acuteness, we encounter feelings that destroy us.

And then?

In psychology today, the problem of effective behavior in difficult situations is being studied quite intensively. The most promising trend in this area is coping theory. The term was introduced by the American psychologist Abraham Maslow in 1987, and is meant by coping behavior (from English to cope - to cope, cope) constantly changing mental and behavioral attempts to cope with external or internal problems that arise in front of a person. In essence, coping behavior is characterized by a person's willingness to solve life's problems. On the opposite side of the pole is the expressive behavior of the "offended" and "devotee" - behavior in which a person's actions are dictated only by "naked" emotions. In this case, the "treacherously" abandoned by her beloved lady in the morning revels in her own guilt, in the afternoon she is angry with the "scoundrel", and closer to night falls into depression. Further more. Our heroine will begin act influenced by these emotions! That is, to plead and curse, scold and apologize, and thus finally confuse everything and get confused herself. What's wrong with this wonderful, time-tested method? The fact that the problem is not solved in this way. After all, our deceived heroine is concerned only with herself, and not with the problem. A completely different way is effective: to solve the problem and thus get rid of negative experiences.

And if you calm down?

How should one behave in such a situation? The answer is ridiculously simple. Calm down first, and then decide what to do. And not vice versa - first to get excited and "heap too much", and then - "scratch his turnips" over the consequences of his own emotional storm. Have you calmed down? But now it's worth thinking about what you yourself did to make you betray.

Betray, as you might guess, is capable of only a close one. After all, it was to him that we “turned our backs”, it was he who possessed the “secret information”, and it was on him that we pinned some hopes. Was it worth it to lay? It is noticed that the stronger our worries about someone's treachery, the greater part of the responsibility for our own destiny we managed to transfer to the "deceiver" before. It is much easier to betray a person who is addicted and psychologically helpless (like a baby) than to someone who leaves important questions for himself, and does not give someone else to solve them. The notorious departure of her husband is in one case an annoying prick of fate, and in another - the collapse of the picture of the world. And if your case is the second, consider that your husband made you a gift. By his departure, he gave you the opportunity to make sure that you can live without him. The picture of the world will be restored. Just be so kind, next time don't give her so much space for her new husband. Not everyone can handle such a burden. And your life will be more fun.

Betrayal as a mistake

Very often, rethinking the situation in which your "liar" finds himself helps to stop worrying about someone's treachery. After all, it is much easier to forgive a person if he was mistaken than if you know for sure that he is a villain with a cold heart!

Believe me, there are very few villains with cold hearts. And it is unlikely that you were lucky enough to pull out such a bad card. As practice shows, any ugly act, as a rule, has a sad motive. The biggest meanness from the inside is often felt as weakness. And then - a merciless fate intervenes and completes the dirty deed. Yes, your beloved has an exceptionally pretty secretary. Rather, he just passed than wanted to hurt you. Forgive him as the weak are forgiven. It is easier to forgive the weak than the evil.

Here, by the way, there is an interesting nuance that can help. Do you find it difficult to consider atrocity a mistake? Do you prefer to continue to expose? You probably think that the "villain" is obliged to bear one hundred percent responsibility for what he did? Fine. What about your 100% responsibility? After all, it was you who allowed the situation to happen. It was you who gave the traitor the cards. You were the one who trusted! You, and not someone else, allowed your trust to be abused.

Oh, are you wrong? Of course you are wrong. And he too.

How to forgive the unforgivable?

Alas, it also happens.

You have been betrayed so cruelly that forgiveness is out of the question. What then are we talking about? Probably about revenge. You are tormented, not knowing how to respond to the offender. You blame yourself for being too gullible. You wonder again and again how you could have done this to you? After all, you are so special!

Unfortunately, various sad incidents are also bad in that they take away from us the illusion of our own exclusiveness. It is also called the “rookie illusion”. You can describe this illusion with a simple phrase - “nothing with me such can't happen because it is me! ". The collapse of this illusion is very painful. It turns out such it can happen: they betray and deceive - not someone and somewhere. It turns out that this is possible here and now, right with you, so unique and inimitable. And now you need to take revenge: to prove to him (her or them) that they were mistaken by mixing you with the crowd.

You might be surprised, but revenge won't help. First, absolutely everyone wants to take revenge in the heat of resentment. That is, you are not unique in this either. And secondly, revenge does not at all change what they did to you. And therefore, you are back in the crowd.

You can only forgive the unforgivable the only way... It works despite its paradox. Try to understand what prompted the abuser to do this and not otherwise. This is especially important in the case of deliberate atrocities against you. Think: what have you done suchwhat made you hurt so badly? Imagine how bad it must have been for a person who took such an ugly act. Don't you think that a loved one could hit you in passing, without hesitation? So there were reasons? And they were probably serious. And, sadly, that reason is you. And you probably did him just as bad. How did you manage it? This is the most interesting thing. And when you find the answer, ask for forgiveness for your part of the evil done. I promise you will feel better.

Plus for minus

Finally, I want to give you one trick. It will help, if not remove, then reduce the pain from the trouble that has occurred. Just think again, what is the real problem when you are betrayed? Exactly what was betrayed? Or - the feelings that flooded you? This is an important question. Imagine: in the morning a certain woman's husband left a certain woman, and in the afternoon she learned that she miraculously was the owner of a villa in the Canary Islands, a new Lamborghini and a marriage contract with Leonardo DiCaprio. Will she be sad in the evening? Complex issue.

Now do you understand that any betrayal is within us, and not at all outside?

My husband, Nikita Blinov - thanks for the ideas and support.

Often, happy couples break up due to infidelity on the part of one of the partners. Betrayal hurts especially strongly women - the weak, tender sex. In such cases, there are recommendations from psychologists on how to survive the betrayal of a loved one.

Analyze the situation. The first thing to do is to realize the fact of betrayal and explain to yourself its reasons. Perhaps in this situation your fault prevails, you yourself have long ceased to love your partner and were with him only because of affection, he saw no barriers to betrayal. Or your partner is solely to blame, in which case it's good that now you don't need to have anything to do with him. Whatever you decide for yourself, analyzing the problem is the first step towards solving it.
Unleash your emotions. It is categorically contraindicated to accumulate any negative in yourself. This can lead to both psychological and physical trauma, because stress has a serious impact on human health. The best solution would be to throw out the accumulated emotions: cry, shout, break and destroy - if necessary. By getting rid of negative emotions, you make room for new, positive ones.

Important! Give yourself time. You don't have to try to "suffer" faster than you really need to. If you have decided that enough tears have already been shed, but in reality this is not so, then by including the "iron lady", sooner or later the emotions buried inside will still come out, but with greater force. Remember golden Rule: time cures.

Go on with your normal life. The betrayal of a loved one is really painful, but it is just a test that must be overcome. In addition to personal life, there are friends, family, work, hobbies. People never fail on all fronts at the same time. If you continue to live your usual life further, then it will be possible to step over and cope with the test soon.
Go in search of new experiences. It is necessary to give yourself time to worry. But this process should not be delayed. To cope with the pain of betrayal, you need to get a charge of new impressions. Go on a trip around the world, jump with a parachute, attend a premiere at the theater, sign up for a photography club - whatever. Do what you like more often, more. This will give you an emotional recharge.
Take care of yourself. The betrayal of a loved one, of course, hits self-esteem and pride. The woman begins to think that something is wrong with her, otherwise for some reason the man found her a replacement. AND the main task in this case - to like yourself again. Change your hairstyle, go to the beautician, go shopping. Take care of yourself both externally and internally. Start learning Spanish, if you have been wanting for a long time, sign up for acting classes. From increased attention to yourself, it will definitely not get worse.
Communicate. Having experienced the pain of betrayal, a woman can hardly maintain faith in sincere love and loyalty. Close people can help here. If they show their love, care and understanding towards you, you will not feel loneliness so sharply, and it will be easier to survive the betrayal by sharing the pain of resentment with loved ones. So do not withdraw into yourself, make contact, communicate and come back to normal.
Forgive the betrayal. Hating and cursing is always easier than letting go of the situation and forgiving the offender. But in order to cope with the pain of betrayal, it is necessary. The negative accumulated inside a person pulls him down. And we want to recover and only go forward, right? Feeling hate is just a waste of your own energy. But what will really impress the traitor is your indifference. Forgive the one who betrayed you and free your heart for a new feeling.
Forget the cheater and get rid of everything that reminds of him. Does the necklace from your ex-lover make your outfit more elegant? Does the bag match your shoes perfectly? Forget it! Collect all the things that remind you of the traitor in one box and away from your home. If you don't want to throw it away, give it to those who need it. But don’t let these things be your eyes. If you want to cope with the pain of betrayal, then you need to stop reminding yourself of it. Your thoughts in this case are your enemy.
Use only positive attitudes. Thoughts are material. If you tell yourself that you are "abandoned, betrayed, unhappy", then in fact you will feel that way. Use the correct attitudes. Believe that you can easily cope with the situation, that there is a great future ahead of you and a loving man nearby. What you believe in will eventually become true. So believe in the good.
Talk to a specialist. If you cannot cope with the betrayal of a loved one on your own, consult a psychologist. There is no shame in this. A professional knows how to work with emotionally unstable people, and will give constructive advice, assessing the situation from the outside. The main thing is to be honest. Remember, your story will not go beyond the psychologist's office.

However, not all women find the strength to choose the right path and cope with the betrayal of a loved one. Many, unfortunately, succumb to their weakness.

The most common mistakes in women's behavior after infidelity

They plunge themselves into a negative state even more. Suffering from betrayal, women want to suffer even more. They lock themselves in their room, take sick leave at work, play sad songs in their headphones, and there is always a channel on TV with some melodrama. Stop! If you want to live happily, you need to surround yourself with happiness. As we see the world, so it will become. Comedies should always be shown on TV, let funny pop music play with headphones, and every weekend, free from work, let guests have fun at home.
They spoil life by making mistakes. Not finding the strength to cope with the pain, women rush to all the hard: go into a binge or go to bed with the first person they meet. Not only does this not work, but it often introduces new problems. No alcohol, cigarettes, especially drugs, and no casual relationships! Alcohol will relieve stress only for a while, but in a state of intoxication, unforeseen situations can happen to you. Cigarettes, and even more so drugs, are addiction. Casual connections can lead to anything: a damaged reputation, a sexually transmitted disease, a feeling of being used - the list is long. Control yourself and do not fall on your face in the dirt. Whatever happens, you must remain a real woman with a capital letter.
Get bitchy. Deceived women often lose faith in all the good things in the world and ... become bitches. They wiped their feet on them, now they are wiping their feet on others. However, this behavior is fundamentally wrong and will in no way help to cope with the pain of betrayal. Nobody around is to blame for the fact that the person you chose turned out to be a scoundrel. Better not to offend others, but rather help them. When people do good to others, they themselves feel better.
Stop believing in love. If one has betrayed, then everyone betrays - this is how women who have been cheated often think. However, this judgment is incorrect. Don't you know faithful men? If on your life path only traitors have met, perhaps there is something wrong with you. In any case, don't generalize. There is good in the world, but only those who really want to see it see it.

The most important thing to remember is that everything in life happens for the best. If a person has betrayed and left, then this is not your person, and you will still meet your happiness, just before the time has come. It is important to find a way out of any situation and gain experience. Then further life will only be brighter and better.

Do you believe in history?

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2018-07-24T16: 12: 42 + 00: 00

But you know, this often happens. Given that at this age, more often than not, a man leaves a woman, rather than vice versa. They go to the young. A lot of examples, one of them: the 54-year-old owner of the company where my sister works, leaves his wife alone !!! The children grew up, flew away from the nest. His wife is a wonderful woman, kind, well-groomed, always friendly, and sincere. The figurine is no longer chiseled, well, excuse me, not 20 years, but it tries to keep its shape, and is dressed tastefully. And her husband, goes to a stuffed animal with puffy lips and boobs, plaster on his face ... you can scrape off with a spatula. Young .... What attracts them? Beautiful bodies, youth, passion? But when he met his wife, 30 years ago, she had both breasts and eyes and legs - mmmm. And then a cellulite appeared, and a tummy with scars and stretch marks and boobs - the spaniel's ears suddenly became, tk. gave birth to three and fattened each for 2 years. Each has its own physiology, but this is often the case. And what about it, now, how to throw away the spent material? Unfortunately, so many do. And very suddenly, and it really is like a knife in the heart. But! But. But hopefully for the best. And to those with whom this happened, I just want to wish "an instant click to a change in the perception of their inner world", so that that part of life - "loneliness", would turn into freedom of thought and action. In freedom, in a word. It's shorter to break away ...

2018-07-24T15: 03: 41 + 00: 00

If a person has betrayed and left, then this is not your person, and you will still meet your happiness, just before the time has come. Yeah. And when did people extend for 20-30 years? What time?

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