What to do if a child has slipped into grades. I slipped in my studies. Maybe the child doesn't get enough attention from his parents
Like any mother, you are sure that your child is the smartest. However, the beloved child is in no hurry to live up to this high-profile title: Lately A young student brings home only C grades from school. The husband glances at the belt, there is a taboo on cartoons in your house, but despite these measures, the offspring still has not pleased him with a single A...
The most common reason for a student getting C grades is fatigue. Therefore, first of all, pay attention to your child’s extracurricular load. If your prodigy goes to an art studio, plays tennis, swims in the pool, and studies English with an English tutor in the evenings, you shouldn’t be surprised at his poor performance. Experts are sure: a child, regardless of age, can study normally only if he attends no more than two additional clubs.
Ideal if this Sport section and intellectual pursuits - for example, karate and foreign language or skiing and chess. Excess physical activity or, on the contrary, mental activity can overshadow school, as it will take all your strength and will not allow you to concentrate on lessons. The only exception is music lessons, which cannot be overdone, because they help to structure the acquired knowledge and, according to psychologists, train attention. When playing from sight, a child solves several problems at once: reads notes, analyzes and reproduces what he sees, which teaches concentration and develops fine motor skills, which, in turn, affects the development of speech. Do not doubt that the student will unconsciously transfer all these skills to school lessons. Moreover, the music itself, no matter whether it is a waltz or a minuet, calms and has a beneficial effect on the nervous system.
Buy him a computer game
Psychologists have been saying for several years that television and computers are the main problems of modern “failed excellent students.” When a child is immersed in ready-made liquid crystal pictures (cartoons or games - it doesn’t matter), the part of his brain responsible for creativity is switched off - he does not fantasize, as when reading a book or listening to an audio fairy tale. Scientists note that children who do not know how to watch DVDs are not given subjects related to abstract thinking at school: physics, literature essays, and even drawing. In addition, the lack of need to think and imagine while sitting in front of a screen leads to general passivity. If you don’t want a similar fate to befall your baby, turn on the TV for no more than 1.5 hours a day. Set the same limit on computer games(and the student must choose either one or another entertainment).
Despite all the disadvantages of TV and computers, you shouldn’t make them anathema forever. There are also useful programs that can help you with your studies. Recently, more and more high-quality films about travel, ancient wars and the animal world have begun to appear. However, the creators of hit computer toys noticed a gap in the theme of their “shooters” and began releasing educational games. In them, your C student will be able to build a civilization and become a king in it. Most importantly, for the long existence of the country, he will have to learn to make the right decisions and be responsible. Agree, these are excellent skills for both school and life.
How to teach a child to understand everything the first time?
A mobile phone can also cause a student’s bad grades if the student, instead of absorbing knowledge, writes text messages to friends during lessons or plays with built-in toys. Psychologists insist that in lower grades a telephone is not needed at all, but in older grades it is better to hand it in along with street clothes. And don’t worry that in case of special circumstances, your child will not be able to reach you by phone. Don’t forget, the child is under the supervision of teachers, who, if something happens, will give the student the opportunity to contact you.
Feed him ham
One of the most important factors in student growth is the child’s nutrition. Therefore yours the main task- make your favorite child’s menu varied: try to prepare vegetable soups, meat and fish, buy fresh vegetables and fruits. At the same time, remember that the nutrition of an excellent student must be adequate to the load. If, when running off to class, a child limits himself to a healthy leaf of lettuce and a glass of vitamin juice, don’t look for A’s in the diary. Breakfast must include protein: ham, eggs or cheese. These foods are rich in vitamin B12, which has a positive effect on the child’s nervous system. And if everything is fine with her, then there are no problems with attention in class. If your young student does not have an appetite, be sure to give him an extra breakfast. But don’t think that we are talking about a chocolate bar - nutritious and high in calories! It is known that sweets are fast carbohydrates, that is, energy. And, having accepted it, the child will have to urgently get rid of it and will certainly not be able to concentrate. Of course, this will have a positive effect on grades in physical education, but what to do if Russian literature is ahead?
According to recent studies, the diet of most children with academic problems contains excess amounts of gluten: a mixture of two plant proteins - gliadin and glutenin, found in wheat and rye.
Don't argue with your husband
Psychologists say that often a child’s personal problems prevent him from learning. They may be related to a difficult situation at home or relationships with peers. So, for example, if a child sees his busy mom and dad very rarely and communicates with them only when they are called to school because of his poor performance, he will subconsciously strive for this. After all, another bad thing in the diary - the only way get parental attention. Also expect twos if quarrels with your husband have become a frequent occurrence in your home. Believe me, the student will not go unnoticed by the fact that dad and mom team up only when they need to talk about their offspring’s poor academic performance. On subconscious level The child believes that a bad grade is a small price to pay for the opportunity to see his parents in agreement. The recommendation is simple: never quarrel with your husband in front of your child. If you nevertheless quarrel in front of your student, ask your spouse for forgiveness from each other. The child must understand that the quarrel is forgotten and he is not required to sacrifice his good grades for the sake of peace in the house.
Lack of contact with classmates or, conversely, dependence on them can also cause problems. If a child has a complex about his height, appearance, or inability to dress in couture, he will try to “hide” and become an inconspicuous C student. Luckily, it's easy to help him! Together, find an activity in which your student will excel - it could be an art studio or a sports section. Achievements in the chosen field will raise his self-esteem, and his academic performance will follow suit.
Pay for A's
Sometimes the reason for poor performance is a lack of motivation: why try if mom and dad are not happy about good grades? So always reward your child prodigy for getting B's and A's. A child who receives praise from parents even for an infrequent “excellent” will begin to strive for this again. Don't rule out material rewards. Especially for performance in subjects that are beyond your student’s ability. But don’t overdo it: expensive gifts can lead to deception - the student will begin to hide problems and forge the signature of the class teacher. For good academic performance during the week, pocket money and a modest gift are enough, and save laptops and trips abroad as a reward for the end of the year.
Perhaps the reason for your prodigy's poor grades is simple boredom. In this case, try to diversify your child’s education. For example, if he has lost interest in biology, take him to a zoological or paleontological museum. What could be more interesting than the opportunity to see the skeleton of a real dinosaur?! And also, according to teachers and psychologists, it is important for a child to apply the acquired knowledge in practice. For example, if your son is interested in Formula 1, try to explain to him the laws of physics using the example of a racing car, and tell your daughter, who is starting to flirt, about the expansion that occurs when heated using a curling iron.
Expert opinion
Natalia Mikhailova, psychologist:
Always check homework: the child must understand that he will be asked about the lesson he has learned, if not at school, then at home. Only in this case will the young student begin to develop responsibility. Be aware of all school events, be interested in what is happening and be sure to ask how the situation (the boys’ conflict, the upcoming trip to the museum with the whole class, etc.) that you discussed yesterday was resolved. Confidence in your sincere interest will allow the child to trust his parents and give you the opportunity to help him at the right time. Needless to say, you need to look into textbooks yourself and be able to solve equations? Otherwise, you risk losing your parental authority.
Organize it
Make a list. Invite your child to make a list called “To Do.” Get a special notebook for this with a bright, fashionable cover so that your student will be happy to carry it with him. As tasks are completed, he will cross them out. Looking at this list, the child will not forget about any task and will be able to properly distribute his time, which will certainly make him more organized.
Number the tasks. Before your child sits down to study, ask him to number the assignments in the order in which he will do them. Do not demand that the student solve all the problems and write all the exercises at once: be sure to arrange breaks. A little rest will not distract, but, on the contrary, will allow new knowledge to become more firmly entrenched in his head.
Turn off the TV. Find a quiet place for your child to study, where there would be the least amount of distractions (TV, phone or computer). If you have a one-room apartment, you will have to postpone watching your favorite TV series until the student has done his homework. It’s stupid to demand A’s from a child if you yourself are preventing him from studying.
Stick to a routine. Your treasure should have a clear daily routine: try to set and stick to the same time for eating, sleeping, and doing homework.
Don't put it off until tomorrow. Start a tradition: before going to bed, your child should pack his briefcase and prepare clothes for tomorrow. This will save both him and you from the morning rush and set your child up for the next school day.
The long-awaited holidays are approaching for most schoolchildren.
Your baby has grown up imperceptibly, and now he is no longer a baby or a funny preschooler, but almost an adult, respectable person - a schoolboy. I bought a school uniform and the best backpack, a stack of notebooks, pens, pencils and a whole bunch of other necessary things. And are you looking forward to the fact that your child will delight his parents with A’s every day? It cannot be otherwise: after all, your child is the smartest, most developed, quick-witted and well-read!
When suddenly... Out of the blue, twos appear in the diary. And you are at a loss: how can this be? What to do? Scold, punish, deal with the teacher?
We will give some advice from a psychologist on what to do if a child brings bad grades:
Tip #1 First of all - calm down. Not a single person has yet managed to do without twos. Remember the most important thing: you cannot scold, let alone punish, for bad grades. Why? Because this will not help get rid of the problem, but it will show the child that parents cannot be trusted, and next time he will try to hide the mark he received. And over time, he will learn to hide other problems from you. Do you need it?
If twos appear in your child’s diary occasionally, then there is no need to worry at all. Such occasional bad grades can be considered an accident: it doesn’t happen to anyone!
Tip #2 If you see a clear deterioration on the academic front, try to understand the situation. Maybe the school curriculum is too difficult for the child? This happens more often than one might think. In this case, think about additional classes. A similar result occurs in the case, on the contrary, of too much easy program for a child whose level of development is ahead of the knowledge offered by the school. He is simply bored doing what he has known for a long time, and deuces can appear as a result of negligence.
Tip #3 Another option is plain laziness. Well, your child is also a person and has the right to be lazy. Try to control how he does his homework, check it every evening for a while. Maybe I’ll have to sit with him over the textbooks and explain something. This method will also help if a student simply does not understand a topic and has difficulties.
Tip #4 A good way out would be the right motivation. Explain to your child that the knowledge he receives in primary school, is the basis for all future studies, and if he doesn’t take his studies seriously now, he’ll have a very hard time in high school. Don’t threaten, but calmly say that if you receive a report card with bad grades I'll have to cancel my long-awaited summer trip: it needs to be earned. And don’t be afraid to keep your promise if the child fails. Let him realize: he has entered adulthood, canceling a trip is not a punishment, but a confirmation of the truth that everything good must be earned.
Tip #5 It may also happen that the student does not have a good relationship with the teacher. Here parents must make every effort to “resolve” the situation with the teacher. Talk to your child, find out the reason, try to understand the essence - who is right and who is not so right. It would also be useful to have a conversation with the teacher - alone or on parent meeting, depending on the circumstances. Just don’t get ready for “war”! Show your diplomatic skills.
Your goal is not to discourage your child from learning and not to suppress his faith in himself. Demand, but don’t shout or scold. Explain that you are ready to provide any help that is required of you.
Summer time has come, and your child devotes a significant amount of time not to friends and playing with them, but computer? Parents A child who spends too much time in the virtual world needs to sound the alarm and make an immediate decision.
Try to find out what he does while sitting at the computer, why he is so interested in it.
Mainly in networks the child finds exactly his interests, he does there what he does not do in reality: communicates with people, plays in adventure games. You have to think that a child spends so much time in the virtual world not because he has nothing to do, but because he psychological condition unstable.
Does your child have too much time wasted?
In free time children should do something useful, and not waste it. Write it down to various classes or let him hang out with his peers on the street in his free time. After all, it turns out that the computer becomes the meaning of his life and he loses interest to the surrounding world.
Maybe the child does not receive enough attention from his parents.
There has long been a stereotype that virtual world for the child they are like second parents, and for the parents it is a joy. Because the child does not bother them, does not ask a lot questions, and also does not walk with his tail. Parents are quite happy with this, since at this time they do what they need. However, this is completely wrong. It is necessary to devote as much as possible to children attention, touch them, ask for their help, and so on.
If a child has moved away in his studies, it is necessary to prohibit him from sitting at the computer.
First you need to put password on computer. After this, tell the child that if he wants to get the password, he must do homework which you will check.
Be decisive.
When a child does not want to study at all, he is tormented insomnia, because he does not leave his computer for a second, then it is necessary to act decisively. For example, unplug the computer cord and put it somewhere where your child won't find it.
Don't consider the computer your enemy.
However, not everything is so sad. Pastime on the computer can be useful, since technology has reached a point where a child can learn a lot of new things online information. Let your child learn languages with the help of video lessons, play logic games, reads educational information. Parents should think for themselves about what their child should have on their computer. Place where the computer is located should be as comfortable as possible.
Take care of your children, give them Love and spend more time with them. This is the only way parents can be in harmony with their children. Yours opinion will be authoritative for him, he will not contradict you. And this is the most necessary thing in education any child!
Hello. I'm 16 years old, I'm in 10th grade.
I'll start from the beginning. From first to seventh grade I studied at the same school. In principle, everything bothered me, although our class was not particularly friendly. New students who came to our class almost immediately began to be bullied. I always felt terribly sorry for them. There were sometimes, of course, mockery directed at me, but somehow I didn’t attach much importance to it. I studied well at 4 and 5, I had and still have good friend, so it's not that bad. At the end of 7th grade, my parents (well, my mother and stepfather) announced to me that we were moving to another city. Naturally, I began to feel stressed; I didn’t want to move anywhere, much less change schools. The first of September was a real torture for me, I was afraid... I was afraid that they would spread rot on me too, and I would not have friends. In the first days I was even hysterical, throwing notebooks at the wall. But soon I adapted, began to communicate with one girl, and soon with the second. And it turned out that not everything is so bad. Of course, I missed my friend terribly, who stayed in that city, but in the two years that I studied at new school I'm used to it. I studied just as well. I’ve gotten so used to the idea that I live here now that I’ve already forgotten about thoughts of going back. But here’s something unexpected again. This summer, my mother and stepfather finally quarreled. To be honest, at first I was in a little shock. For 10 years my mother and I lived with this man and that’s it. But then I was glad... just happy! I never liked him. And there are also some things that I can never forgive him for. My mother, sister and I moved to live back in the city where we originally lived. I was glad how easy it was to live without this person. Naturally I switched to my old school. I was no longer afraid. Everyone there knows me, both classmates and teachers. I miss my new friends just as madly, but this time it’s not so painful to part with them. Everything is fine... I don’t know how it happened, but I completely slipped in five subjects, to the toryaki. I started to hate going to school... I just don’t want to, despite the fact that it’s fun there, I have a lot of friends there. I just don't want to. I can't understand why this happens? Before, I couldn’t even imagine that I would come to school with no homework done at all! This is terrible. Maybe the situation is still pressing on me right now that my stepfather does not want to give my sister to my mother? In general, everything has been terribly annoying lately. And recently I dreamed that I was being kicked out either from a specialized class, or from school altogether, I don’t remember. To be honest, this alarmed me, because some
No matter how much experts talk about the difficulties of adolescence in our children, every parent, faced with this difficult period, experiences it with each child as if for the first time - the questions are so diverse and the problems are so complex that each new advice from an experienced person is valuable in its own way.
Why do words differ from deeds?
You know, my dad has absolutely no respect for me! As soon as he needs something, he immediately shouts: “Do it immediately!” - complained a sixteen-year-old boy. - And I really want him to ask me in a good way: “Nikita, help, please!” - I would do anything for him then!
I nodded my head with sympathy, perplexed by such strange behavior of adults.
A few days later I asked:
Nikita, please help me move the computer!
Now,” he responded. And after that I repeated the day, and the second, and the sixth. And, I admit, the desire to say: “Well, do it immediately!” - has arisen more than once.
Situations like this are not uncommon when dealing with teenagers. Before you you see an adult, reasoning sensibly and reasonably. It seems easy to reach understanding and solve problems with him. And literally the next day you become convinced that most of the agreements reached about helping with the housework, studying and returning home at the appointed time were not respected.
The reason for the discrepancy between promises and actions lies in the fact that adolescents often copy the external expression of feelings and social roles of adults. They try to experience for themselves what it is like to be independent, in charge, responsible, etc. Claiming adulthood, adolescents try to expand their rights and limit them in adults; they resist guardianship and control.
We can compare teenagers with two or three year olds who also like to imitate their elders. Children move a broom across the floor, just like mom does. But the understanding that the goal is not the movement of the rods on the floor, but cleanliness, comes to them later. Something similar happens to teenagers, but not at the level of everyday skills, but at the level of feelings, communication, and character traits.
The qualities that teenagers strive to possess are often superficial. One mother ironically told how her fourteen-year-old son understood independence: “Now for him we are like the monster from “The Scarlet Flower!” We must prepare everything, bring it, take it away, but not show ourselves, as if we were not there!”
Teenagers are often clumsy and rude, the reason for this often lies in the development of their body. Its sizes, proportions and functions change. And since the body for each of us is the starting point in the reflection of time and space, then until the nervous system gets used to the metamorphoses that have taken place, teenagers make mistakes in their perception of themselves and the world around them: they will hit a passenger in transport, not realizing their own dimensions; then, pledging to return from school in ten minutes, they appear on the doorstep an hour later.
The body is transformed not only in size - the child’s appearance is rapidly changing, he begins to realize his gender, and in order to accept a new quality he will need considerable additional emotions and strength. As a result of processes occurring in the body, a teenager’s awareness and self-regulation suffer. That is why, when agreeing on something with others, he is not always aware of how much effort and time he will need to fulfill his promise.
At this age, he is vulnerable and sensitive to our assessments and judgments. The situation is aggravated by the fact that it is precisely during this period that boys and girls are trying to show that they do not value other people’s opinions: they provoke us with their antics, conflicting demands and unsuccessful experiments to transform themselves.
Despite demonstrating their independence, teenagers especially need the support and approval of their elders. Therefore, over the next few years we will have to be patient and be forgiving of some of the shocking behavior of the grown-up child and his unexpected experiences.
Teenage negativism - a manifestation of love for adults
It is very upsetting for parents that their children, who just recently adored them wholeheartedly, suddenly become dissatisfied with absolutely everything. Now they don't like the way adults say what they think, how they dress and how they communicate. We tend to interpret this behavior from teenagers as competition with us. But still, the source of such intolerance is their deep, but idealized love for mom and dad.
For a small child, parents and many adults are ideally beautiful, good and smart people. Such idealization allows him to uncritically absorb all the experiences of his loved ones. The perception of elders as so omnipotent gives the baby a feeling of reliability and protection. But he grows up and suddenly notices that these are the most ordinary people: often immodest or timid, wasteful or greedy, anxious or careless... Moms and dads feel unbearably offended and hurt in the eyes of the child to “step down” from their pedestal. But for the teenager himself, such disappointment in elders becomes a real blow: he does not want to accept that he outgrows his teachers and parents in some issues. Teenagers struggle to maintain a disposition in which they are surrounded by people who are experienced, knowledgeable, and competent. That is why children perceive the weaknesses and shortcomings of adults with great difficulty and irritation, thereby showing adults their imperfections. So they try to return everything to its previous place - this is not rivalry, but a manifestation of disappointment that the parent is not the smartest, strongest, fairest and most beautiful person in the world.
Problems of academic performance and self-determination
In general, the difficulties and problems of adolescents are caused by their troubles in the family and school, and most often the causes of trouble are interrelated. If a teenager has slipped into bad grades, or even started drinking alcohol, etc., you should take a closer look at his relationship with his dad: does the teenager himself and, what is very important, his mother treat his father with respect and gratitude? It is important for mothers to remember that even if the father drank, beat and abused the mother, or left her with the child, it is important to find traits in him that are worthy of respect. This must be done not so much for the sake of the father, but for the sake of the child, so that he can accept and develop “masculine” qualities in himself that will allow him to live wisely and work successfully, and build a happy family.
Overt and hidden conflicts between parents have a very negative impact on a teenager’s well-being. Those parents who preserve a falling apart family “for the sake of the children,” while remaining in an estranged relationship with each other, do not achieve their goal. Having mastered the model of such relationships, a teenager will inevitably reproduce it in his own family.
A complete family, unfortunately, also does not always guarantee the full development of the child’s personality: if the father transfers his upbringing functions to the mother, then in the teenager he often discovers a being of indeterminate gender. For a teenager to have a normal gender identity, he needs the love of both: mother and father. Both boys and girls need unconditional love, independent of the successes and achievements of children.
Contact with a teenager
We are all familiar with complaints that teenagers withdraw and withdraw into themselves. However, we do not even suspect that teenagers’ trust in us disappears not because of the complexity of their age, but as a result of our parental actions.
What leads to children becoming alienated from us?
First of all, we very often misinterpret their actions. For example, lately many mothers have come to me with the same complaint. Boys 13–15 years old pierce both ears and insert an earring into each. Women claim that this does not look manly, and they begin to suspect their sons of God knows what!
In this case, it is more important to think about how to help the boy feel his masculinity, and for this to understand what a real man is like - strong, brave, responsible! Then, probably, he will no longer need earrings.
We destroy our relationships with our teenage children by projecting our own failures, fears, idiosyncrasies, and past mistakes onto them. For example, a dad who was once a punk is afraid that his daughter will associate with punks. A person who once used drugs suspects his children of the same thing. The fruits of such an attitude are not long in coming - children move away because adults themselves have closed themselves off from them. Parents did not know the real inner world of their child, which was hidden behind their own fears, disappointments and images from the past.
What is the typical reaction of parents to such behavior of a child? Unfortunately, although quite understandable, it is fruitless and destructive: the parents allow themselves rude shouts and humiliating accusations, do not allow his friends home, and so on. And although behind our indignation and dissatisfaction are our own mistakes made in the past, our sincere concern for the future of the child and love for him - all this remains incomprehensible to a teenager.
He knows nothing about our inner experiences, feelings and fears - we have lost mutual trust and spiritual closeness with him, and by throwing out our irritation, we do not convey it to our children true reasons our concern and anxiety for them. And children, not understanding the reasons for the indignation of adults, become isolated in themselves, deprived of love, understanding, support and help precisely when they need it most.
Advice for parents of teenagers
First of all, you need to try to build communication with a teenager in the form of a dialogue, when the parties are sure to hear each other! Moreover, the main emphasis should be on the child’s actions, but not on assessing him.
When accepting the independence of a teenager, do not reduce it to permissiveness, remember: a teenager’s needs for freedom do not correspond to his responsibility - unfortunately, we often forget about a simple and very important attitude in education: “You are responsible for what you do and for what you do.” you choose!”
Teach your child to cope with his own difficulties, let him set goals on his own and determine ways to achieve them.
Help him build his own reasonable path in life, and don’t try to follow it for him!