That the wife is screaming. What to do if the husband constantly insults and humiliates - the advice of a psychologist. What to do if the wife humiliates her husband

We have been together for three years, married for a year and a half, we have a child. The fact is that my wife does not work, sits with the child at home and is constantly not happy with something; frequent scandals and reproaches against me come from her. Then we can not talk for several days. I am a balanced person, I try to compromise. As I met my future wife, I try to do everything to make us feel comfortable. We have a separate apartment, my parents helped me, I made a decent repair. I have stable income... I make gifts to my wife, I also pay for her trips to SPA-salons and procedures of dental clinics. Helping around the house. I serve two of our cars. But my wife does not consider me part of the family, says that I do not earn enough money, do not pay due attention to her, and generally declares that she will not need her husband as soon as she gets a job. The most damning thing is that our child repeats: "Look, our dad doesn't need us at all, let's go from him to another room." She constantly refers to her, in her understanding, more successful, married girlfriends, who have new cars and travel abroad 2 times a year. I never asked her for anything, I also never saw money from her total budget even when she was working. There was never any help from her parents, only moral advice. Yes, I don’t need it, at least they didn’t interfere in our life. I don’t understand how I deserved all this. I would like to stop doing anything at all and file for divorce, but I feel sorry for the child, I love it very much. I understand that love is fading away, and perhaps it is no longer at all.

Alexander, Moscow, 29 years old / 05.24.13

Opinions of our experts

Alyona

Alexander, I don't know your real relationship, of course, and the reasons why you generally liked this woman, but when I hear an adult lady, pouting her lips, say nasty things to the child about her dad, I personally begin to strongly doubt her mental abilities ... For whatever happens between a husband and wife, it is only their personal relationship to each other, and to involve small children in their adult disgustingness, to manipulate their minds in order to hurt the second parent more painfully, is the lot of the narrow-minded, bad educated people... I don’t know what your spouse will do when she “comes to work”, and it’s not at all clear whether she will ever come out. Who was she before marriage and before pregnancy? Did she receive so much that she could provide herself with all the benefits that she claims to be a kept woman? And abroad 2 times a year, and a new foreign car, and an apartment in the center of Moscow? It's funny ... Try to really offer her a divorce. Child, of course, sorry, but I do not see the difference in your case. After all, and so, and so your wife will blacken you in the eyes of her daughter. But if you are at a distance, Madame will have less time to chat. In addition, you can pick up the child (she will not forbid you to do this) on weekends, for example, or holidays. But I would not advise you to endure such an attitude towards yourself. When a daughter grows up, she will figure out who was right and who is wrong. And if your wife thinks that she made a bad choice by marrying you, then untie her hands, let her look for a more worthy one. Of course, you should start with a serious conversation with her. Just tell her that she is definitely right and you need to get a divorce. That you mutually did not meet the expectations of each other and you turned out to have too different views on life. This is actually so, unfortunately ... And to preserve the appearance of a family "for the sake of the children" is a disastrous practice. This will not help children grow up happy - this has been proven more than once ...
Sergei

Alexander, I think you should talk frankly with your wife. And everything that you wrote here, tell her. Including your emerging desires for divorce. Of course, anything happens in life, and quite often women during pregnancy, as well as the first time after childbirth, do not behave quite adequately. Hormones, nothing can be done. But in your case, quite a long time has passed. And that's why it's too late to blame nature. But it's time to figure out the reasons for the strange behavior of the spouse. After all, such statements and actions, quarrels and ignorance have never led to anything good. And your wife knows for sure about it. And therefore, since she deliberately goes into conflicts, it means that he is escalating the situation for a reason. Maybe she has someone else? Or is such disrespect for you fueled by your parents? In any case, you shouldn't just tolerate such manifestations of disrespect. Of course, the fact that you are attached to a child is serious. But this does not mean at all that for this reason you can not be put on a penny. So talk to your wife in detail, describing the possible prospects for such behavior. Quite often, everything stops when there is a real danger of divorce. True, not always. And if nothing changes, then it will probably be better to disperse. After all, no matter how much you love the child, you cannot protect him from your scandals with your wife. This means that you will injure him every time. In such conditions, it is better for a dad to come than to constantly quarrel with mom.

Often, women have the question of what to do if the husband constantly insults and humiliates, the advice of a psychologist in this situation will help to cope with the problem. When a woman gets married, she wants to be loved, to create comfort in the house, to give birth and raise worthy children. But it happens that a person who was dear only yesterday turns out to be a monster today, from whose lips swearing constantly flies.

The wife feels humiliated, tries to find flaws in herself, to eliminate them, to treat her husband more kindly, but this does not work. Humiliation and insults continue to pour from his lips, often the situation comes to assault.

She would take her and leave, but children are already growing up, and her husband is still beloved. What to do in such a situation, to forgive and wait for him to change his mind and change, or to pack his things and leave an inhospitable home?

Love without guarantees from a man humiliates and insults a woman.
Sunday Adelaja

Reasons why a husband humiliates his wife

There are several reasons for constant humiliation and insults, and a different approach to their solution is required.

Here are the main reasons why a husband can insult and humiliate his wife:

Warm feelings for his wife have already passed, but love needs support, feelings by themselves gradually cool down, and the moment of cooling comes for any couple. If during this period you try to strengthen the relationship, they will be restored, but both spouses must work. If for some of them this stage does not mean anything, problems are not far off.
Husband got a mistress... In this situation, it is more convenient for him to humiliate and insult his wife in order to force her to leave first and file for divorce. So a man unties his hands and frees up the territory for new relationships, into which he has already plunged headlong.
The man no longer has respect for his wife.... There are several reasons, one of which is the spouse's maternity leave. During this period, many ladies do not take care of themselves, they are busy only with the child and do not give the husband the attention he requires. His wife now only annoys him.
A man's self-esteem is very low thus he raises her, humiliating the woman.
The woman herself is disrespectful to her husband., totally controls him, constantly asks where and why he went, when he is at home, rummages in his phone, rummages in things, fumbles in his pockets.
The woman is afraid to aggravate the situation even more, therefore she silently demolishes the indecent behavior of the man... Among the reasons are the main ones: she has nowhere to go or she is heavily dependent on him financially.

Psychologist's advice is simple: if this happened for the first time, then you need to calmly ask your husband not to talk to her in such a tone anymore, otherwise the “conversation” will have to be stopped. The reasons for the rudeness on the part of the husband can be anything, but he must control himself, so you should not silently react to his offensive expressions.

You can tell your husband about feelings, about love, that such words hurt the soul and are very unpleasant. To report that you can change something, change yourself, but together, and if there is a problem, you need to voice it tactfully, find a way out together.

It happens that the husband does not want to react in any way to the words of his wife, does not want to change anything in himself, then this is a reason for a woman to think about whether she needs such a relationship, and what more radical measures she is ready to take.

But, when there is an acute question of what to do, if the husband constantly insults and humiliates, then this may be a temporary or permanent separation - a divorce.

If you hear only insults from your husband, will it be better later?

When a man constantly calls his woman offensive words, finds fault with her for any reason, this does not mean that she is bad and he is trying to fix her.

The reason may not be immediately noticeable, and the woman will never change the way he wants. The couple has not been married for the first day, while the wife has not become worse, there are children and she takes care of them. In such a situation, the reason lies in the husband himself.

He may be dissatisfied with himself, his own career, salary, the team may dislike him. But he does not want to look for the reason in himself, change himself, correct the situation, it is much easier to come off at home with his wife. A wife can point out to her husband his own mistakes, failures, but this is not the way to find a way out, you can only aggravate the situation, make him angry.

There are two steps you can take:

Pack up and leave it.
Wait until he realizes the reason on his own... But in this case, you can waste many years to no avail.

If the husband abuses alcohol, becomes cheeky and aggressive after drinking, you do not need to console yourself that he does this only when he is drunk. In the future, cases of drunken rudeness will become more frequent and last longer. As a result, they can turn into physical violence, since each time the husband will go further and further in his obscenities. And the reason here is not at all in alcohol, just in a sober state, a man may well keep his emotions and feelings under control.

If he got to the point that he can humiliate his wife in front of strangers, in front of children, then the situation will not get better. It is convenient for him to solve his own psychological problems in this way. We'll either have to endure, or take drastic measures, that is, get away from it.

A man wants to feel superiority over the victim, if you do not stop this, you can no longer remember your own name in the future, but he will call him whatever you like, and always offensive. If, when trying to change the situation in this case, the husband does not draw conclusions, there is no need to call him names in response, he will not change.

What if my husband hits?

If the husband raised his hand, who is he, a scoundrel or a worthy man? Many women think that this is a manifestation of true love. But if this is a problem, and the husband constantly humiliates, insults and beats his wife, and even with a child, then what to do? The problem is that the man in this case does not feel any remorse.

He believes that she herself is to blame, brought. He's had a hard day at work, and she's right there by the arm. Or you had a nice conversation with your neighbor, get it! There is no need to flirt.

Some men see beatings as a last resort to "convince" his wife that she is behaving incorrectly from his point of view. You can find fault with everything, even with the fact that the wrong slippers were filed at the doorstep. Unfortunately, such behavior of men has been justified for centuries, but today a marriage of equal people is concluded, and not subordinate to one another!

Is it possible that male authority is earned by beatings, and this is male consistency? But alcohol is often the reason for violent behavior, it causes aggression, which has no motives. You need to think about whether you want to live with an alcoholic in the future? The way out is obvious.

A man suffers from an inferiority complex, his career is at zero, he has not achieved anything, neither a position in society, nor a decent salary. A person who has not succeeded anywhere wants to feel like a master at home. If the wife tries to show independence, she will be severely punished, especially if she is higher in the career ladder and has an income that exceeds her husband's earnings.

The husband does not need to look for reasons for the beatings, he will pick on everything. And often raises his hand against children, crippling them mentally and physically. According to statistics, tens of thousands (about 50,000) children flee their homes every year, fleeing parental beatings and bullying.

Approximately 2,000 children try to commit suicide every year. A huge number of children sit in a juvenile colony for the murder of their father, from whose violent behavior they saved their mother or saved themselves. And to maintain such a relationship for a woman is already a crime against her own children.

If a woman is faced with humiliation in the family, psychologists give unequivocal advice:

To think that the husband will change his mind overnight is stupid - he will not change.
One should not show affection, care and love in response to humiliating words; a positive result from such behavior should not be expected.
It is also not necessary to insult in response, the wrong tactic.
It is also not necessary to satisfy the whims of the husband without desire.
Re-educate an adult without him own desire impossible.
It is impossible to think that such a relationship in the family is the norm, it is not so.

If the husband continues to behave vile, constantly causing mental pain with words, it is better to part with him and find another half. If, for some reason, the woman does not want to do this, she can only accept the role of the victim and not complain that life has failed.

Conclusion

A person who has crossed the line at least once will cross it again and again, if for the first time it was under the influence of alcohol, later it will be so when he is sober. Maybe not right away, but the situation will repeat itself again. Any domestic troubles will serve as a catalyst for the outburst of emotions, and love will fade into the background.

If a woman is already wondering what to do if her husband constantly insults and humiliates, then the relationship has given a deep crack. But if he has also reached the point of assault, and does not hesitate to do it in front of children, then there is only one way out: to leave. This way you can preserve the physical and mental health of your children, your own health, and sometimes life.

Dear women, do you think it is possible to forgive and not notice this behavior of your husband, if so, to what extent, and if not, when should you take action?

Family relationships are multifaceted, it is foolish to believe that with the receipt of a marriage certificate, unlimited happiness and positive emotions await you. After the honeymoon, real life begins with problems, clarification of relationships, disagreements in this or that issue and other troubles, which only loving and understanding people can cope with.

Unfortunately, many husbands do not choose expressions in their showdown. Quarrels are getting harder, words are more offensive. Why does a husband insult and humiliate his wife, psychology? So let's try to understand the intricacies of human destinies.

Psychologists believe that men begin to insult their wives because of everyday problems. When you have to deal with many issues every day, irritation accumulates, which spills out on the closest people.

Since some people do not know how to express their dissatisfaction in a cultural way, insults, hurtful words are used, sometimes force is used. In solving daily problems, love and tenderness fade into the background. A man forgets that it was this woman who once caused him a storm of positive emotions, with her he wanted to spend his whole life.

Unreasonable insults and humiliation can come from a person who wants to end the relationship, but does not want to take responsibility for decision... Some husbands deliberately provoke their wives to break off relations, humiliating and hurting their pride in every possible way.

Often the wives themselves are to blame for this attitude towards them. The role of the victim, which they have chosen for themselves, arouses nothing but pity. Husbands, thus, show contempt for women, and women dutifully endure all the blows of fate.

Husbands often resort to insults when the wife is not watching or caring for herself. The once spectacular girl suddenly turns into a housewife who is mired in household chores and problems. An always displeased face is considered a mandatory attribute of such a woman. Men, with the help of hurtful words, try to reason with their wives, who are even more withdrawn into themselves, losing the last drops of pride.

Another reason for the aggressive behavior of the spouse is the total control by the wife. Even the calmest man will lose his temper if you control his every step, check the phone, follow and encroach on his personal freedom in every possible way.

Do not ignore any insult. Nobody tells you to get hung up on him, but it will be much more productive to find out why your husband allows such liberties in relation to you. If you can get him to talk, half the battle is done.

Just keep in mind that the conversation should take place in a calm atmosphere, suppress negative emotions. Tell us how you feel when you hear hurtful words addressed to you.

Sometimes a man sinks to humiliation in order to feel his own superiority. If you allow him to use this form all the time, you risk forgetting your name. Such a person is unlikely to change and draw conclusions after the conversation. Do not resort to retaliatory insults, such a tactic of behavior does not promise a happy future, but rather an unbearable present.

Respect for your partner is one of the main rules of a happy marriage. If your husband has offended you, do not rush to tell your friends and relatives about it. Perhaps he realizes his mistake, you will make peace and forget about what happened, but close people will remember this for a long time. Solve your problems on your own, without involving strangers.

It also happens that a man does not want to listen to your advice, recommendations and continues to morally mock. All because he is sure you are not going anywhere. His confidence in this should be shaken. If, after heart-to-heart conversations, your husband did not heed your requests and recommendations, you should go for drastic changes in your life, no matter how scary it may be.

First, ask your spouse to move out for a while or leave yourself. This advice is suitable for those women who have an alternate airfield in the form of a parental home. Live separately for a while, consider whether it is worth returning to a husband who does not draw conclusions.

If your spouse's insults have become regular, it is worth taking into account some recommendations.

Do not think that the boorish attitude will change.
Do not turn into a caring and affectionate wife when everything inside is raging with indignation. This tactic will not bring positive results.
Do not insult your husband in response to his humiliation.
Do not follow his desires if you do not like it.
Please note that you can reeducate a man only when he wants to.
Do not convince yourself that this is the norm in married life.

If the spouse continues to bend his line, at every opportunity, touching the quick, leave this person, because you deserve the best. For many women, this advice will seem unacceptable, because they love their husbands and are not ready to give them up under any circumstances. Well, in this case, you will have to accept the situation as it is and not complain about fate.

It happens that separation helps a man to understand that without a wife, the white world is not nice. He is reconsidering his attitude towards her and no longer allows such liberties. Not everyone comes to such a decision at once. Men who analyze their actions and words, value their women and are interested in these relationships can fix everything and no longer allow such treatment.

The article is useful for those women who have at least once faced humiliation from a loved one. Recommend reading the material to friends in in social networks... Do not allow this, value and respect yourself, then others will treat you properly.

Share the article with a friend:

A well-known truth says: "Everything that women really want to be loved, and everything, men really want to be respected." Not a single man is delighted with shouts and reproaches, and even more so with insults. The spouse's abusive attitude towards her husband diminishes his self-confidence and humiliates him as a man.

The wife will insult her husband only in one case - if she does not respect him.

To what extent are the innocent men driven by the screams of women?

When the wife is constantly screaming, then even the calmest man sooner or later breaks down, and they are already yelling at each other. But the wife ultimately tries to get her husband to leave, and she is left alone. She has achieved nothing by screaming, she does not understand that a woman's strength lies in something else. But a lot of nerves to myself and ex-husband battered. Although he could have stayed, he definitely had or will have a mistress.

If the husband insults his wife

Developing a project about happiness in relationships, dating kind people, I keep track of what is interesting, what topics they are looking for, what is important, what is not important. I drew attention to the following topic: "if the husband insults his wife"

“A husband should not speak to his wife that she is not beautiful, and a wife should not speak to her husband that he is stupid. If a wife says such words, then what is her cleverness if she married him? And the husband, if he points out the shortcomings of a woman, is not only stupid, but also dishonorable.

Wife insults

1. Divorce on her initiative, as soon as she has a promising vasek. And she will tell you that she didn’t feel like a woman with you, that you don’t understand her, you don’t help, you don’t earn money, sex with you is torment for her and in general you are a goat. 2. Divorce, again on her initiative, as a result of the measures you are taking to normalize the situation. Because such a situation will require rather tough measures.

The wife nags her husband, one of the reasons for quarrels and partings.

Hello readers of the blog of the lost romantic, the topic of today's article sounds like this: a wife nags her husband, one of the reasons for quarrels and partings. Why do women do this? How can this affect your future relationship? And what should a man do in such a situation?

I've already touched on this a bit in the relationship critic article. but I would like to consider it in detail separately in this post.

Keyhole: "My wife constantly insults me" Comments: 14

“My wife and I are very different,” says Nikolai. - I am calm and compromise. She is active, proud. I love her. Despite all the flaws, she is the best. Only one trait of her character does not allow us to stay together - she is very rude.

The wife is never shy in expressions. Even swear words are like a mother tongue for her. And she uses it when necessary. I tolerate it. I am terribly unpleasant when someone speaks foul language.

Often women turn to psychologists with complaints that their husband does not respect them. Disrespect can be manifested in different ways - lack of attention, insults, or even physical violence. But remember, when you first met your husband, during the period of the first meetings and romantic courtship, was there any respect on his part? Most likely it was, otherwise you would hardly have married your spouse.

Husband insults me

I'm married. 2 years. 5 years older than my husband (I'm 28). Married for love. However, now I am beginning to doubt my feelings. I have a wonderful husband, but only in public. And on one - a home tyrant. In society, he is a golden man: quiet, modest, always shows me signs of attention, is polite with others. But at home he is rude, rude, constantly insulting, humiliating, etc. As soon as we quarrel (this is sure to bring me to tears), everything immediately becomes good.

The husband constantly yells and insults. Why is the husband yelling at his wife?

My husband constantly yells at me, - women complain to psychologists, not knowing what to do. And it is already considered normal that there are quarrels in the family. scandals and screams become an integral part of everyday life. To cope with them there is neither the strength, nor the ability, nor the elementary understanding of how. Whether to accept as a norm that the husband constantly yells and insults his wife, or is it time to end such a relationship. despite the presence of a child and the inability to go somewhere?

In general, family conflicts are, unfortunately, the norm, without them, as such, it will not work out, but the conflict should not turn into an aggressive and uncontrollable form in which one of the partners allows himself regular insults and personal transitions.

Cola Brunion, the character of the famous French writer Romain Rolland, called his wife who was always screaming at him his "wealth", and her screams - "songs". Truly stoic outlook! But for most men, women's screams only cause an obsessive desire to run away to hell. And since screaming is not at all a burden for most women, the life of such a husband very quickly turns into a nightmare.

First of all, you need to understand the reasons for this home tyranny... What makes a woman mutate into a siren so often? Well, there can be many reasons, but all of them, in the end, can be called by one general concept - dissatisfaction with one's own life. And there can be many different dissatisfaction.

Let's start with the one that comes to mind first - with sexual dissatisfaction... Many modern women live year after year without receiving sexual satisfaction and the necessary regular discharge. Is it any wonder they are so angry and nervous and want to yell at someone? But sometimes they themselves do not want to have sex with their husband, because they have long ceased to see him as a real man.

Why don't they see in him object sexual arousal? Often the reason for this is banal disrespect. How many men do we have today lying on the couch, while the woman herself supports? How many alcoholics, lazy people and parasites do nothing but drink up their property while the wife, almost howling, pulls the children? Of course, nothing can help such people, and all that remains is to sympathize with these unfortunate people.

Dissatisfaction may also be the result of hard, nervous work. Smiling to clients all day, a woman often leaves the office very worried, anxious, she starts having breakdowns. So that they do not repeat too often, the psyche includes protective mechanisms, one of which involves the discharge of negative emotions through the manifestation of aggression. And the lack of attention from her husband to this problem of her makes him an ideal target for retribution for all the hardships of her life.

It happens that no less a woman " seize" and domestic issues... Mountains of unwashed dishes, which are always on it, housekeeping, constant cleaning, washing, ironing, and even children on the neck. Here, any eye twitches in a nervous tic and the uninterrupted work of the psyche cannot be guaranteed.

You can also not sweep away the features education... A girl who grew up in a house where it is customary to solve all problems by shouting and swearing will transfer this stereotype of behavior into her new house... Here she, too, will begin to practice the same behavior, breaking down on everyone in a row at the slightest reason.

So what do in such a situation? How to deal with the "fist-baba"? After all, coexistence with such is sometimes really painful. All life turns into a continuous hell, and a man runs out of the house to appear there less and less, or not to appear at all, happily falling into the arms of some less noisy mistress.

Useless try to shout down your wife, it will give nothing to long distance(however, most likely, it won't do anything on the short one either), but will only aggravate the situation and make the scandal more destructive. Having understood the reason, you need to act.

Take for example sex life... For most of our compatriots, it is boring, gray and wretched. You need to add some fresh colors to it. Bold experiments, role-playing, why not? Visiting a sex shop will help you come up with some interesting idea that will satisfy both of you both literally and figuratively.

But what if female lost interest in you as a man? Well, you need to change, change your attitude towards her. Start small - give her a small bouquet of flowers. Just like that, not on an anniversary, not on March 8, not on Mother's Day. Just give her flowers on a random day. Because you have it. For being so good. And on the same day there will be a little less screams. Then take another rule: kiss her every morning. Before breakfast, for example. A couple of gentle words and just a kiss from a loving husband on the cheek is a completely different start to the day, incompatible with screams and tantrums.

Likewise, ask her work... Let her make a good complaint to you, maybe even burst out. And it will already be easier for her, if only because you care, that you understand her, that she is not alone in this world and is a kindred spirit to which you can come with your problems. Or maybe you can convince her to give up this nervous activity and save her nerves. There is a lot of work now, you do not need to cling to one that spoils your health and takes away your vitality.

In case it is cultural peculiarity - to decide everything with a cry, then we must take up the reeducation. First of all, let her know that you will not tolerate screaming and are not going to communicate with her when one is screaming. Just ignore her every cry, calmly repeating that you are ready to communicate with her only when she herself calms down and stops hysteria.

Take the time talk to your wife about this problem, not when she is angry, but on the contrary, when she is in a calm frame of mind. Then you will come to a peaceful agreement and understanding much faster. Agree on certain rules that from now on will apply on the territory of your home. The fact that raising one's voice is now illegal is an act, that it is impossible to solve a case by shouting.

Be prepared to go for some yourself. concessions to his wife... Promise that you will pay more attention to her than you do now. That you will more often listen to what she tells you and be more responsive to her words. And do not expect that everything will work out right away - this will take some time. At first, out of habit, she will still often break down, but do not get angry, and do not escalate the situation. Calmly urge her to abide by the established rules. If both of you are patient enough, screaming and shouting will become a thing of the past over time. And it will become much easier for you to live.