My wife filed for divorce, what should I do? How to keep your spouse. What kind of husband is such a wife? Let's start with the negative influence of the wife

Each a person creates a family with the hope that until the end of his days he will live with his spouse in love and harmony, raising his children together and sharing the joy of his grandchildren. But over the years of living together, for most married couples, love gradually fades away and it becomes clear that their marriage has come to an end. There are 8 signs that indicate that it is time for spouses to break up, rather than trying to maintain a relationship that only brings pain and deprives both spouses of a chance for happiness. So, what are the signs that you can understand that your marriage has come to an end:

1. Lack of desire to please and surprise... If a spouse is indifferent to what her wife looks like, and she has no desire to please her husband with delicious dishes and to please him, then this is the beginning of the end. Absolute indifference to what the spouse is doing is a characteristic sign of a lack of love. If you are late at work or go on a business trip for a long time, and your wife or husband doesn’t call you and doesn’t write SMS, then it’s time to think about whether it is worth living with a person who doesn’t need you. But jealousy and resentment should not be confused with cooling feelings. Think about whether you would like to please your spouse with an expensive gift? If your answer is yes, then you just need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse.

2. There is no desire to communicate with a spouse... Often a husband and wife come home, have dinner in silence, and then go to different rooms, where each of them does his own business. Joint conversation and communication tires them. If you are just waiting for your spouse to leave home, and you can enjoy loneliness, and your every conversation with him turns into a quarrel, then you can no longer expect a happy end to such a relationship. In this case, it is better to part than to try to maintain a relationship, cause each other suffering and drag a "suitcase without a handle."

3. Sleep separately... If a husband and wife sleep in different rooms, and they have sex just for show, then this is a sure sign of fading away. Aloofness and unwillingness to have sex with a partner suggests that the person is no longer close. Sharing a bed, touching during sleep and communication in the dark play an important role in family relationships, and sleeping separately are mainly those spouses who have caught their partner cheating or are very jealous of him.

You should not test each other's patience, the lack of intimate relationships sooner or later leads to betrayal. If during sex the expressions "nightmare", "dirt", "torment" and "why am I putting up with this?" Come to your mind, then just let go of your partner and give him the opportunity to find his happiness. And start looking for new relationships that will bring you peace of mind and sexual satisfaction.

4. Do not want to spend leisure time together... Ask yourself if you would like your spouse to attend the birthday of a friend or girlfriend where you are invited. If you think that he will only ruin your mood on a festive evening and that it is better for you to relax in the company of friends or girlfriends without him, then you are most likely going to part with your spouse. In this case, it is worth saving the marriage only for the sake of the children, but even here it is necessary to think about whether the child will benefit from living together in the same house of essentially strangers. If you are in no rush to go home after work and try to spend all your free time with friends, then this is also a sign of an exhausted relationship.

5. You think you love two at once... All people are to some extent polygamous, everyone in their youth wants to please not only their partner, but also to hear compliments and to accept courtship from others. The desire to "try an apple from someone else's garden" is present in everyone up to 45-50 years old, although not everyone admits this and decides to cheat. But if it seems to you that you love two at once, then you will have to part with your spouse. Because if he was really dear to you, then the second simply would not exist.

6. Avarice in relation to the spouse... The first sign of a husband's cooling off is his unwillingness to spend on the needs of his wife. If he stopped buying you gifts and paying for you, then he no longer cares what you think of him. There is no need to create an illusion that the husband has begun to earn less or become more economical. He just decided for himself that you became a stranger for him, and he should only provide for his relatives and friends.

7. You are constantly comparing your spouse to others.... My friend is happily married, but her husband went bald early. I somehow tactlessly asked her if her attitude towards her husband had changed after he lost his hair, and with it his former beauty. A friend with a smile replied that she did not even notice that her husband was bald, he remained the most beloved and dear person for her, as he was before. If you began to believe that your spouse has changed a lot and is now unworthy of admiration, then do not torture him further and let him go. There is no need to constantly humiliate him and compare with others, say that this other is more educated, stronger, richer and cooler. The neighbor is always better, but his own is dearer. If your own does not seem more beautiful, then this is a sign that your marriage has come to an end.

8. You are constantly humiliated... If your spouse constantly humiliates you, insults you with obscene words, or even raises his hand, then he no longer values your attitude towards him. No matter how much we are told that we need to part with those to whom we no longer feel any feelings, unfortunately, many of us do not have enough determination to be the first to take this crucial step. An obstacle to this can be common children, the need to share property, financial difficulties and a habit.

We tolerate humiliation and try not to see that we have long ceased to be respected. Moreover, we are trying in vain to refresh feelings that have long been gone, we are anticipated by lovers in order to preserve the family and not deprive the children of their father or mother. Is it worth doing this? Maybe it is better to immediately break off the relationship and part, than to regret in old age that life has passed, and there was no happiness, and there is no?

Question: I got married 6 months ago. Alhamdulillah, my wife is 6 months pregnant. I belong to an upper middle class family and we have a fairly high standard of living. Our wedding was traditional and both families took part in it. The problem is that my wife didn’t show the best side of her character from the very beginning. She ends up every quarrel with the fact that I have to give her a divorce. She also threatens me that she will be bullied and never let me see our child. I am the only son of my parents, and therefore we live in a house of four. My wife has always stayed away from my parents. We can say that she does not even greet them. She simply ignores them as if they don't exist. I ask her to be polite and respectful to my parents, but she says she owes nothing to my parents.

She swears and scolds me and my parents. She constantly threatens me. She wants my parents to take the initiative themselves, but when they do, she responds in a disrespectful manner. My wife has always had prejudices, and she thought that I was talking about our personal intimate relationship to my parents. But this is not the case. She openly admits that she is lying to her parents about me: she presents me as a villain in their eyes. She tells them that I treat her like my slave and beat her. I only hit her once when she called my father a bastard. I hit her only lightly and said that I would not pat her like that. From that moment on, her parents spread rumors that we beat her and forced her to work like a slave, did not feed her and put her under stress, despite the fact that she was pregnant. She is pitied because she is pregnant. I am helpless. In such a situation, I am ashamed to give any arguments in my defense.

My wife's habit of making us look bad in front of her parents is ruining our family life. Her parents have already threatened me and my parents several times. The impression is that it costs them nothing to end the relationship. Her father speaks to my father in the worst manner. Because of all this, my parents hated my wife and her family. My wife does not respect me, although I fulfill all my duties and give her my love. I gave her everything I could. I brought her everything, whatever she asked of me. However, she never appreciates my actions and begins to give examples of other couples and talk about what they do. My parents consider me weak and that I am afraid to end this relationship. It seems to me that they do not understand the importance of the fact that she is carrying my child.

Last month, my father lost his temper and asked her to leave the house. She called her parents (as always, however) and left home without my permission. I could no longer tolerate all this, and I did not stop her. Her parents abused me on the phone and in the face many times. She tells them everything. She even told them the details of our wedding night. My parents believe that divorce is the right way out of this situation, as it will ruin the life in our home and my future. They worry about me and blame themselves for marrying me to a girl who does not give anything herself, but only demands everything for herself. We have not communicated with her during this month. I decided that she must learn to respect me and my family, otherwise she will not cross the threshold of my house. However, the problem is that she doesn't care. She and her parents think they have "won the victory" because they will soon have a legitimate baby. I think my love for her made me so weak and theirs strong. I feel my weakness. I am unhappy and worried. What should I do?

Answer: Dear brother, no matter how stereotypical it may sound, at first everything is simple, but continuing to do something is more difficult. This applies to all aspects of our life, including family life.

In your case, tying the knot turned out to be an easy step, since your marriage was planned by your parents. Your relationship continued in the same way as that of other couples: joy and passion for each other, which is very characteristic of the initial stage of family life. No wonder this period is called "honeymoon". The real test begins later. Do you really think that six months is enough to understand each other? Let me remind you that your relationship is not a boy-girl relationship that just meets before marriage and can end any relationship at any time. You have entered into a contract. You are married. Islam attaches great importance to the creation of a family and condemns divorce, although it is legal. Why do people immediately start talking about leaving a relationship? Why can't people solve the problem and live overcoming difficulties?

Divorce seems like an easy way out, as does threats to leave your spouse. A person always strives to find the easiest way to solve a problem. However, people do not understand the gravity of the consequences of such decisions. If your wife is pregnant, these consequences will be even worse than in a normal situation.

Have you tried to talk to your wife about why she behaves this way? You've only lived together for a few months, and it's too early to draw conclusions about her. This time is not enough for you to understand each other, your families and the rules by which you need to live. With the birth of a child, everything will change even more. Your wife has just left her family for a new one. Now she will have to adapt not only to the new foundations of your family, but also to realize the responsibility to the child. We are not yet talking about the hormonal changes and constant mood swings that are characteristic of women during pregnancy. Do you understand what stress she is in?

I recommend that you consider the situation. Forget for a moment all the threats and demands your wife told you about. Think back to the times when you comforted her because she missed her family. Reflect on the times when you were with her, when she especially needed you. It seems that your bond with each other is not as strong. You are missing rapport. First, you should tell her, her and your parents, and yourself that divorce is not the answer.

Dear brother, love does not make you weak. On the contrary, it is your strength that saves you from taking an action that Allah does not love. The situation seems difficult to you, since two other families are involved in your personal problem. I advise you to take matters into your own hands and make sure that no one makes decisions for you. Thinking that she realizes that she should respect you, and until then, keep her out of the house is hardly the best compromise. This will only make the situation worse. Perhaps it will work, but the timing of such "educational" action and the person's attitude play a very important role. It seems that your wife is ready to leave you. But if she was completely sure, she would take this step and not threaten you. This gives hope for the salvation of the relationship, provided that both parties agree to compromise.

If the problem is that she is angry, then ask yourself the question: "How did I contact her?" It might be worth trying a different approach. Hitting her for insulting your parents is not the best way for a gentleman to communicate. If it comes to divorce, then the blame will fall on both sides. When people have relationship problems, the most useless feeling they get is that they are victims of the situation. Then the whole environment, accordingly, turns into the culprit. The best way out of the situation is to think it over and talk to your wife.

If you are not ready to call her back or she does not want to come on her own, just tell her that you want to give one last chance to your married life. Meet on neutral territory and talk to her. Give her a chance to speak up. If she starts to say something bad about your parents, listen to her. It is possible that something bad is happening behind your back, which only encourages her to behave so badly. Perhaps she is simply exaggerating the situation and taking everything to heart. Either way, you need to listen to her.

Your wife is undoubtedly from a different family, as all families are different and the family life is different in every home. Six months is not enough to adapt to new foundations. You need to give her time. She needs your support as she is a new person in your home. Tell her that you are with her and you will help her overcome her outbursts of anger. Perhaps her view of the situation is completely different. You can explain to her how your parents see this situation. Tell her to think about your child's future. Divorce will ruin the lives of many people, especially your baby. Convince her to give your relationship more time and that you both will gradually work towards resolving the conflict. You may want to see a family relations specialist or an imam who can help you resolve your problems. In the Qur'an, Allah Almighty calls us to turn to the possessors of knowledge if we ourselves do not know what to do (Holy Qur'an, 16:43). Accordingly, do not hesitate to seek help from knowledgeable people, if you have a need for it.

Dear brother, a new family member will bring so much happiness into your life and unite your couple with a strong bond, insha Allah. You should explain to your wife the importance of family ties and parenting, as well as the sacrifices that must be made to achieve happiness. Relax. Give her time to get comfortable. Give your relationship time to resolve the problems, insha Allah.

Every couple goes through both happy and tough times. Your relationship should be between you and no one else. This will be the best virtue of your couple, insha Allah.

Some interesting statistics. The overwhelming majority of readers of this site are women .. When I first noticed this, I was slightly surprised, but then I thought that, however, there is nothing to be surprised at.

Indeed, women are more likely to seek solutions to their problems, discuss them and ask for advice. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to keep silent about their problems, because a man is strong and staunch, he will deal with his problems himself, right?

Based on these statistics, I am increasingly starting to write articles with an eye to the female audience. But offense is a universal thing, and therefore it is impossible not to touch men's feelings. The fact that men do not like to talk about their problems openly does not mean that women feel resentment on average more often than men. In addition, the resentment men feel can often be stronger because they rarely give her out.

In what ways does a man feel hurt? Of course, in loved ones. And naturally, one of such relationships is marriage. It often happens that a young man falls in love without memory and, against the background of sweet expectations of a happy joint future, makes a proposal to a woman. And of course, if the feelings are mutual, at first the relationship is really a fairy tale.

But after a few years, the man suddenly begins to realize that the fairy tale that he drew for himself in his imagination does not correspond to reality at all. And the reason for this is a lack of awareness, a lack of understanding of how women actually work, and a lack of knowledge of what to expect from them. But instead of understanding the situation, he would prefer to withdraw into himself and endure, endure, endure. Until sooner or later the threshold is crossed and a quarrel occurs, ranging in strength from medium to catastrophic.

I note that we are talking about monogamous relationship. That is, it is expected that the husband and wife will sleep only with each other until the very end, that is, until death or divorce separate. And no one is cheating on anyone, never cheated and will never cheat. It is immediately clear that the initial prerequisites are not the most realistic, but we will talk about resentment in open and “closed” relationships another time. In the meantime, here's how a wife can hurt her husband without realizing it.

How a wife hurts her husband in 6 different ways

1. Denial of sex. This is no accident in the first place, since this is almost the surest way to ruin a man's life in marriage. Dear women, every time you refuse sex to your regular sex partner, it is a painful blow.

You see, what's the matter ... Let's talk openly. Men are lustful animals. They always need sex. Whether married or not. Even if he is 20, even if he is 50. Rich or poor, ugly or handsome, a young sexy male bachelor or a modest middle-aged fat loser-married. In sadness or joy, in grief or resentment - men always want sex.

Of course, the frequency of the question varies from man to man. Libido is different for everyone - someone wants sex 5 times a week, someone once will be enough. This does not change the essence. The bottom line is that, regardless of his character, he expects that since he is with a woman, and he has a relationship with her, this automatically implies regular sex with her. always.

Yes, yes, I know what you have to say. "It is not my responsibility to satisfy him." “I’m not a prostitute for him, I’m the wife and mother of his children”, “Sex is not the most important thing.” But here's the thing - if you marry him, if you want a happy relationship, and your relationship is monogamous, I have news for you. It is your responsibility to fuck your husband. And for your husband, sex is very important, even if it is not the most important thing in the marriage relationship. Why is it so important to him? Because he is not only a caring father and faithful husband, but also a lustful animal, as I mentioned above.

Does this mean that I blame or blame women? In no case! ... Therefore, it is the husbands that should be walked through.

Husbands, come to your senses! Did you really expect that that honeymoon that you had at sea, when you fucked your freshly baked wife several times a day, is the norm? Or is the first year of your relationship how it will always be? I have news for you - women are biologically arranged in such a way that the same man in a long-term monogamous relationship bothers them over time.

Do you know why? Because the genetic code that people carry in themselves has not changed for millions of years. And this code programmed women to find a suitable male who would provide them with offspring and protect these offspring (which is funny, these two roles can be performed separately by two different men). How long does it need to be protected for it to get back on its feet and be able to escape? 20 years? 15 years? 10 years? No, less years than your fingers on one hand.

Therefore, from a biological point of view, a woman is “not interested” in sleeping with you for 20 years as it was in the first years of your marriage. Because if you have been living together for a long time, then from a biological, sexual, animal point of view, you are no longer perceived by a woman as a man with whom she sleeps. At least not as much as it used to be. Now you are more likely to be a relative of her, and biology does not allow sleeping with relatives.

What about emotions? We are not animals, we are humans, and not everything is controlled by biology. Yes, it is, not everything is decided by biology. But emotions are exactly the same biology, and they serve to get you to fulfill your biological program. Your male biology has programmed you to have sex throughout your life. The point is not that we have more than just biology. The bottom line is that the biology of men and women when it comes to the sexual component of relationships is completely different. She needs to get offspring from a quality male from sex. And you, men, need sex to spread your biological material across planet Earth. And no amount of social condiments from above can drown out this fundamental difference between male and female biology, no matter how society denies it, trying to equalize men and women or reduce the importance of biology to nothing.

What does this all mean in the context of the subject matter of this site? After all, the site is not devoted to evolutionary psychology, but offense. And this means the same as always. on his wife, men. I do not like that the frequency of sex is decreasing - just write on paper. And then, when you clear the offense and see the situation as it is, you will be able to decide what to do. And perhaps you will understand that from now on you can no longer expect that one and the same woman will be the source of your male joy and satisfaction all your life. But more on that another time ...

2. Permanent teams. We are talking here about women with a more dominant character. Such women consider themselves “strong and independent”, and in practice this is expressed in attempts to constantly control the situation. If the situation does not correspond to the scenario of the development of events, directives are issued in order to correct the vector. Such women have a vector for everything, including their husbands. So it falls to him, poor fellow.

Here again, men, wake up! A woman commands you only because you allow her. Yes, there are men who love to obey a woman, but this is not about them. They do not feel offended by this kind of communication with a woman. Therefore, if you are reading these lines, most likely you are not one of them. Clean your brain, shake out all your fears and limiting beliefs that make you unable to resist a woman. And there it will be clear what to do.

3. Attempts to change it. Women marry with the expectation that the man will change over time. Men marry hoping that the woman will never change. Please, here's Venus and Mars, everything to do. A man marries, hoping that everything will be as in the very beginning. A stable relationship is one that doesn't change.

Give a man a beautiful, smart, cool woman with big breasts and / or elastic ass + a set of all the qualities that are pleasant to him, and he will be happy. If only it never changes, it always remains as it is.

But this is only from a male point of view. From a feminine point of view, stable relationships are those that develop. Women are more dynamic creatures than men.

Women, above all with this dominant character, expect that a man will adapt to new circumstances and, as a result, change, if necessary.

Amendment - change if needed her... Personally, he probably has no intention of changing, for why. And so everything is good. But the fact that his wife now and then criticizes him and hints that this should not be done, or that it is better to do this, over time it begins to settle in him in the form of an insult.

4. Excessive use of phrases "You always ...", "You never ...", etc. Oh, women love that. "You never help my mom." "You always leave the toilet seat up." And well, are you really ready to swear that he always does something there or never does something there? You don't have to answer, I already know the answer.

Again, the difference is between the communication styles of men and women. The fact that for men and for women, these words mean different things. For a man, the words “always” and “never” are determined by their lexical meanings, which can be found in the explanatory dictionary. For a woman, these words are subordinated to the expression of those emotions that she experiences at one time or another. And if the emotions are strong enough, they bypass the linguistic filters in the woman's head, and, ultimately, are displayed in the form of the words "always" and "never."

Men, do not attach any importance to this - just get used to the fact that women work this way - there will be less resentment. Do not cling to the words, you take them out of context - the context of her emotional state here and now. And that resentment that you have already accumulated - what are we doing with it? We are working on it, of course. Without pity.

5. Imposing responsibility on him for his emotional well-being. It should be noted that not only women are engaged in this, everyone is engaged in this. Both men and old people and children. And in relation to everything around. It’s not me who is offended, it’s you who offended me. I'm not a fool and a lazy person, this state is bad and steals. Etc.

But nevertheless, if we compare men and women in marriage, women more often behave with men in such a way that it is the husband's fault that she is bad at heart. On the face of it is an interesting seeming contradiction. On the one hand, women are more emotional, and on the other hand, they are less likely to be aware of what triggers their emotions. As a result, they do not realize that when they blame their husband for their emotions, nothing changes. He doesn't understand what he can do with you. Except to apologize for nothing on the machine so that you calm down.

But men, again, are responsible for the offense - on you. You, too, do not shine with awareness if you suffer from such situations. After all, what happened is that your wife sent her bad mood to you, and you have already formed a feeling of guilt in yourself. Then you take responsibility for her bad mood on yourself and begin to accumulate resentment, gradually hating yourself more and more in the process. Not the point, work it out.

6. Indifference to his efforts. Want to hurt your husband? Stop appreciating what he regularly does for you and your children.

A single man does not need so much money to maintain his existence at the same level. This means that in many ways his motivation to work harder is you and possibly your children. Alas, this is often not realized or forgotten over time.

A single man does not need to help your mother, fool himself with communication with your relatives, or be faithful for decades. Alas, this is often not realized or forgotten over time.

I by no means mean that men in marital relationships make more efforts to preserve them than women. Not at all. Forgetfulness in relation to each other is a universal human flaw inherent in both men and women. Fortunately, you can fight it - the elaborations were invented for a reason.

Work hard, husbands and wives!

What is the conclusion from all this? There are two of them. The first is the mutual understanding of men and women and a conscious attitude to how differently women and men perceive reality and communicate - this is the key to harmonious relationships. Second, if you have a grudge against your marriage partner, work it out! At the same time, in the process of clearing your minds, you will acquire the necessary transparency of awareness so that in the future you will not have similar problems, regardless of your gender or marital status.

There are many reasons for starting a family. But basically, family life is built on love and the desire to be together. Long years of life together, everyday life, quarrels can lead to the loss of interest in a partner. What if you are tired of your wife? Is this a reason for divorce or can you try to "reanimate" feelings?

Why is my wife bored?

In this situation, a woman is looking for the culprit. It is important to understand the essence of a man. He gets tired of the monotony. Men are polygamous by nature. Therefore, if partners do not try to refresh the relationship in any way, a man in search of variety goes deep into work or looks for new emotions "on the side".

Very often, having lived for many years in marriage with one woman, men begin to "look to the left."

The main reasons why a husband is tired of his wife:

The wife is a "saw." Men do not like to be constantly reproached or taught about life. From such a woman you want to run without looking back. Moreover, a woman in such a situation may think that the truth is on her side, and the reproaches are justified. But it is worth considering whether the husband was really so guilty that he needs to be "nailed". So close to divorce. After all, every patience comes to an end sooner or later. Even strong love can be destroyed by repeated reproaches.
Perception of a man by a woman as a "wallet with money." A man has always been perceived as a breadwinner, and a woman is a hostess, a mother who is responsible for the comfort in the house. But if a woman too often asks for money from her earner, he may get tired of it. The way out of this situation is to send her to work.
Misunderstanding of the wife. Lack of understanding between partners destroys relationships and marriage. You can discuss the accumulated problems in a calm dialogue, for example, during dinner with a glass of wine.

He pays no attention to me!

Women love masculine attention when their concerns are listened to and offered help. But what if you came home from work tired, hoping to rest, and your beloved reproaches you for inattention? A man, by nature, does not focus on the little things.

He is attracted by more global affairs. He may not notice the changed shade of the hair of his beloved or new blouse. This happens not because he does not love her, but because he is tired, carried away by other thoughts, or perceives his woman as a whole, and not in the context of trifles.

A lot of men admit that they are tired of their wife for the simple reason that they are constantly "nagging"

The nature of the female sex is different. The girl tries to look good for her man, but he did not appreciate her impulse. The selfish nature demands more and more attention, your thoughts must be occupied with it. But because of work, fatigue, you may simply not have time for this. Resentments arise, reproaches appear. And sooner or later the husband comes to the conclusion that the wife is tired of her grievances. The man feels trapped. He perceives love from the side of the result, not the process.

And a woman needs to constantly feel loved, to see that she is being given attention. The result is that the wife is tired of her grievances. Better to show her that she is dear to you. Give her small gifts throughout the year, not just on special dates.

Wife tired: what to do?

Simple tips will help to improve relationships: