Cheerful horoscope: how do the zodiac signs fail? . Comic horoscope: how Zodiac Signs step on a rake Zodiac signs and rake
We all parade around this gardening tool, but each sign with a rake has its own relationship...
Aries
Aries steps on a rake every time unexpectedly for itself. Well, the lawn was clean, for sure! And suddenly - grunt! This outrages Aries so much that he gives the rake three kicks, then picks it up, carefully examines it and furiously destroys it to avoid repeated contact. In this process, three more rakes are stepped on. With the same consequences.
Taurus
Taurus steps on the rake carefully, having previously studied the trajectory of the handle and stocked up on bandages. Having received a hit on the forehead, he states with satisfaction: everything is exactly as he expected. He repeats the experiment one hundred and three times, records the stability of the result and notes with satisfaction that the rake did break. Looking for the next ones.
Twins
The twins don't walk on a rake. They dance along them, and so gracefully and professionally that at first those around them have a desire to close their eyes, because now... but no, with elegant movements the Twins move from one rake to another, managing to remain unharmed. Talent.
Cancer goes to the rake with his visor open and in full confidence that he will give them a powerful rebuff. Having raked his forehead, Cancer accepts the battle and hits the rake back until all that remains is pathetic dust. Having defeated one rake, Cancer is inspired and begins to quite actively look for the next one to strengthen the skill of defeating the rake. Sometimes the rake gets scared and hides. But rarely.
The lion jumps merrily on a rake, inviting everyone to join in the exciting fun. If Leo sees friends and acquaintances getting hit on the forehead, he is sincerely surprised at what prevented them from jumping higher with cat-like grace? A rake that accidentally hits Leo usually lands on Aries or Taurus. Someone has to break them, eventually.
Virgo
Virgo approaches the rake from the side and examines it carefully. He touches it with his foot, sits down next to the notebook and begins to calculate the flight path of the pen. Then he throws some Aquarius on the rake, whatever happens to him, and checks the calculations. Having made sure that everything is correct, he leaves with a light heart to tell everyone how stupid this rake of yours is. And what idiots are all those who step on them.
Scales
Libras study the manuscript “how to avoid encountering a rake” for a long time and thoughtfully, buy night vision devices, binoculars and a rifle with an optical sight. Stepping slowly across the lawn, Libra carefully inspects the route centimeter by centimeter, and two steps from the finish line they step on the heaviest rake, which was lying in plain sight and looked absolutely not like a rake. More like a hoe. Or a pitchfork. In general, there was no mention of this in the manuscript.
Scorpion
Scorpio steps on the rake consciously. He is convinced that until you step on a rake, you will not have any life experience, and you need to learn from your mistakes. Hryas. Hryas. Hryas. Cone. Cone. Cone. Ok, we need to get a helmet, hard hat, painkillers and some wine, to note. The thought of bypassing Scorpi’s rake will never come, but traumatization will be minimal due to quality preparation.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius steps on a rake doomedly, because everyone steps on a rake. This means that this is how the world works. Having passed through the forest of pens flying at the head, pricking his legs with teeth, Sagittarius will sit down in a cozy bar and begin the Tale of Walking on a Rake. Summary: Sagittarius walked and came out, albeit without one eye, but you still have to go and go.
Capricorn
Having received a rake between the eyes, Capricorn becomes numb. What was it? No, he heard about the rake, and that some individuals... But like this, without declaring war? Can't be. Therefore, Capricorn will quietly crawl aside, come up with a plausible explanation for the fact that he has a lump and a hematoma on his forehead, but will never admit that it was THEM.
Aquarius
Aquarius will see the rake from afar and will quickly come to the conclusion that it is impossible to do without stepping on the rake. He will choose the most elegant way to do this, consider different rake formations and step on them so masterfully that Virgo will tenderly rub his little hands: this is who he needs to train on.
Fish
The fish stepped on the rake a long time ago. Don't ask. A long time ago. Yes, everything has already healed, but the mental trauma! Therefore, Pisces will not go anywhere. There's a rake. Everywhere. No, don’t persuade, go yourself and bring everything you need. Zahar, Zahaaaaar!
ARIES: A ram is also a ram in Africa. He is always right and does not care that there is a different opinion somewhere. And it’s easier to kill him right away than to get involved in an argument with him! And therefore, having stepped on the rake, and accordingly getting hit on the head with it, he will become so furious that he will destroy it, but in the process of destroying the rake, he will get hit with it five more times on his stubborn head.
But Aries are very honest. Sometimes they are honest to such an extent that it hurts your teeth: on occasion, he will tell you extremely honestly that the haircut you have done does not suit you or that your dress makes you look a little fat. There is nothing you can do about it, and if this Aries is dear to you, you will have to come to terms with it (or kill it, as already suggested above). In household affairs, Aries, as a rule, is useless - he is excellent at coming up with brilliant ideas, and tries not to desecrate his soles with the dust of his idle existence. However, if you clearly make it clear to Aries that Sagittarius washes the floors noticeably better than him, the bastard will lie down with bones, but he will polish the parquet every Saturday, because there is no business or skill in the world that Aries would be willing to cede to Sagittarius. He knows how to earn money easily and naturally, but he hates money with the hatred of a righteous man, so he tries to get rid of it instantly. With all this, he always has some kind of nest egg, which, in general, is much more appropriate for a Virgo to have.
CALF: This sign is even more stubborn than Aries, therefore, having stepped on a rake, it will step on it again and again until it breaks. This is a kind of prototype of Plyushkin, who is capable of carefully storing all sorts of rubbish in his house for centuries, and is very surprised when they try to throw all these broken toys, gadgets, other rags, waste paper and other nonsense into the trash. He is very constant in his affections, including to people, and because of this, alas, he is unhappy in love. He is very suspicious and distrustful of new people, but for old friends he will tear his last shirt off his chest. Why his friends need a torn shirt is something I can’t even think about. An altruist, despite the fact that he constantly gets hit on the head for it. The same applies to rakes and I can’t say anything more about this sign.
TWINS: Geminis are usually inclined to envy everyone, since he is both a reaper, a reader, and a player of the pipe. But no one has any idea how hard it really is for Geminis to survive and choose in this incredibly huge world of possibilities - after all, Geminis always imagine that life is going sideways, even if they are up to their necks in the thick of things. So with the rake too, Gemini will be able to decide where to go next only after they manage to step on all the rakes nearby.
CANCER: Has a tendency to constantly imagine the end of the world and, frightened by his own imagination, fall into hysterics, and then seeks to turn to Virgo for consolation. And only by stepping on a rake and getting hit on the head with it can he force himself to take a step forward.
A LION: Divides all people into two classes - the first is the retinue, which is allowed to the body, and the second is the lackeys, about whom it is necessary to sharpen teeth and claws. Leo is, of course, an egoist, but his egoism is forgiven for his unshakable belief in his own awesomeness. I am susceptible to flattery, and with its help you can get anything you want from Leo. He is generous and knows how to laugh at himself. Having stepped on a rake and getting hit on the head, he will tell you how cool it is and advise you to do the same. For everyone else, it makes sense to refrain from ridiculing Leo if you don’t want to spend the remaining hours of your painful existence in intensive care. Rude, but elegant. And a master in everything. He makes it clear to his partner what intoxicating happiness has fallen on his head in the form of Leo and begins to demand appropriate treatment. I don’t mind if in everyday life they call him simply and without any frills - the Almighty. A faithful friend, however, loves to give valuable and expensive gifts. He loves to eat, sleep and chat, and therefore is often friends with Geminis. Unbearable in large quantities if you are Virgo, Pisces or Cancer.
VIRGO: What can I say about a sign when dry science has already said everything for me?
He will step on the rake slowly and methodically. At the same time, I am sure that if you advance slowly and correctly, everything will work out. Virgo is distinguished by its pedantry and love of order and can annoy literally anyone who is lucky enough to live with Virgo in the same territory.
Among Virgos, according to international statistics, there is the largest number of psychopathic maniacs. And we must keep in mind that a Virgo wife is the woman who makes your bed when you get up to go to the toilet at three in the morning. And the Virgo man is the scariest math teacher you can imagine. Moreover, he does not try to explain the reasons for his actions to anyone. She loves to play on the nerves of her loved ones and can begin to suffer in public, and she herself usually believes in her suffering, which is why she begins to get sick and waste away. Very useful in everyday life. In general, you can live with her if you don’t pay attention to her jokes and remove all weapons from the house.
SCALES: In short, he's a fucking esthete. Seven Fridays in a week - and everything is the same: about Picasso, about sacred art, but he doesn’t think of taking out the trash after himself. Not before. Almost his entire adult life he has been rushing back and forth in search of a bright ideal, and therefore there is no time to learn how to cook deliciously or sew on buttons. Having encountered a rake on their way, they will doubt for a very long time, and, having made the only right decision, they will step on the biggest rake. He loves to dress up, and at the same time he will piss off everyone around him, choosing between those with mother-of-pearl buttons and those with silk trim. It’s not a fool to take a walk to the left, but at the same time he can have a permanent partner and explain (her/him) infidelity by the fact that with their soul they are always faithful to the One, and the body is so, the essence of fetid dust. He seeks peace of mind, which is unattainable for Libra in principle, because his earthly nature always outweighs spiritual ideals. Envious, but not malicious. He usually looks gentle and sad, thereby awakening in people a dangerous desire to caress and take under his wing, which should not be done under any circumstances, since Libra can endure the brain better than all other signs combined.
SCORPION: He constantly spews out all sorts of crazy ideas, at the same time he is narcissistic, ready to stare at his beloved self in the mirror all day long and assert with a touching smile that there is definitely no one more beautiful in the world. If you happen to step on a rake and get hit in the forehead with it, then even if he notices that this happened, it is unlikely that he will think about it. Has a tendency to hysterics, and is not even shy about flaunting it. In life, he is only interested in himself; in extreme cases, he shows interest in people who care about him. Good-natured as long as you don't try to borrow money from him. He adores money almost as much as he loves himself and, by the way, knows how to earn it. Secretive to the point of horror, getting some information out of Scorpio that he does not want to say is almost as difficult as marrying off a fifty-year-old virgin. Such a kind of two-faced Janus, constantly torn between his high moral ideals and the desire to make someone a fool. The desire and ability to break through a wall with his forehead can only be compared with Aries; he often chooses just as stupid goals, but does not give up on principle. He stoically endures all the troubles that periodically happen to him, because he realizes that he deserves it.
SAGITTARIUS: This is another specific zodiac trickster, having stepped on a rake and received a hit on the forehead, he will definitely try to take revenge and attack again. Sagittarius's personal opinion must necessarily become the ultimate truth for everyone who happens to be nearby. He expresses this opinion willingly and extremely often, and even when he is strongly advised not to do so, warning that he will be beaten, perhaps even kicked. He sincerely does not understand why they are offended at him for this. In fact, Sagittarius is a very lucky sign in life, but this is somewhat compensated by his constant lack of money. Oddly enough, Sagittarius usually has many friends, despite his tendency to accusatory verbal diarrhea, which warms and feeds him, the wretched one. And all because he cleverly knows how to pretend to be a sweetheart, especially when his mouth is busy with food or sleeps with his teeth against the wall. The main drawback is that he can’t shut up, trying to tell everyone the truth about everyone, for which, again, he often gets beaten. Has a tendency towards all forms of drug addiction, as well as religious fanaticism, which is essentially the same thing. Kind, but you can't figure it out right away.
CAPRICORN: At first glance, it's dull and completely crap. Capricorn's motto is this: no matter how bad I feel today, tomorrow will probably be even worse. At the same time, he disguises himself as such a cheerful person. Capricorn can achieve happiness in only one way - by working like hell. An idle Capricorn is a dead Capricorn. If he is deprived of the opportunity to work, he will still come up with a bunch of different activities for himself, because without work, Capricorn cannot achieve enlightenment, and a Capricorn who has not achieved enlightenment is Cancer. Do you need it?
Capricorn at first seems meek, sweet, and one might even say tame, but at the first opportunity he gets he will give you a kick, doing this with special pleasure if you are Leo or Gemini - he hates these two zodiac signs for their inappropriate playfulness. Capricorn is cunning and, having stepped on a rake, will understand that he has stepped on it, but will conclude that this hardly means anything... Stingy - but not always. And he feels best when hugging a tightly stuffed wallet. He loves to tease, and cannot stop even when the situation is heating up, but he does it in such a way that he himself becomes stupefied when he gets away with it. In general, he’s not a dirty trickster, although he looks like one. In choosing partners he is guided mainly by calculation and common sense, therefore in family life, such a bastard is happy like no one else.
AQUARIUS:
Special signs - everyone, well, absolutely everyone likes them, like the notorious chervonets. And if he happens to step on a rake, he will only step on the ones he likes. In terms of shabby talk, it can be a worthy competitor for Gemini. He is eager to communicate, even in unfamiliar company, just like a long-distance sailor is eager to go to the red light district. It almost always looks like it has fallen from an oak tree, and this is precisely what fascinates us. A slight aura of wackiness gives Aquarius an inexplicable charm that attracts stupid, enthusiastic fans to them. Even if everything in Aquarius’ life goes through one place, he manages to give others valuable advice that, damn it, works. Always a swindler. Outwardly they look like a cross between the Mad Hatter and Marilyn Monroe.
FISH: There are two types: the first are such fiends of hell, ossified in their own unscrupulousness, and the second are truly kind, with unshakable morality - angels. Moreover, the vile Pisces, as a rule, are forgiven everything in life (unsurprisingly), while the angelic Pisces-martyrs, who irritate ordinary people with their unattainable holiness, are almost never forgiven.
Pisces can be cunning in a black way, and catching a Fish in cunning or forcing it to admit it is more difficult than meeting a wrinkled-horned snork on your way. Until the very last moment, looking into her honest, tear-filled eyes, you will believe, believe and believe... At the same time, hellish pangs of conscience are a natural thing for them, and they sometimes suffer for what they supposedly didn’t do . And if they accidentally step on a rake, they will blame themselves for it for the rest of their lives. The only consolation for Pisces is that thanks to them, someone else did not step on the rake. They tend to idealize people and then take offense at them for living up to their expectations. They are touching in their illusions, and you can’t help but forgive them for their inherent global inability to live in our material world.
It can manifest itself in absolutely everything. Even in such a simple thing as a reaction to a stimulus. Therefore, the site will tell you how different zodiac signs will behave if they step on a rake. Oh yeah, don't take any of this seriously.
Capricorn
He will step on a rake, stand for a while, realize what happened, step on it again to consolidate the experience, shrug his shoulders and move on. But he'll remember it just in case.
Aquarius
He will carefully select a rake according to criteria that are clear to him, after which he will step on them for a long time and with all his heart. And advise everyone else to find a suitable rake for themselves too.
Fish
They will worry about this fact for the rest of their lives. Consoling myself only with the fact that if it weren’t for them, someone else would have stepped on this rake. And when they meet the rake again, they will step on them again, as if nothing had happened.
Aries
Having stepped on a rake, he will become so furious that he will try to break it. In the process, I stepped on them a dozen more times. That won’t stop him from stepping on exactly the same rake a little further down the road.
Taurus
He will step on the rake for a long time and methodically until it breaks. And from the rubble he will build something beautiful and useful. For example, a floor lamp.
Twins
Only after they personally check all the available rakes will they decide where they really need to go. And then they will collect the remaining garden tools and sell them to someone.
Cancer
He will think for a long time about the very possibility of stepping on a rake, but will not resist the temptation of rich personal experience. True, he won’t want to repeat this again.
a lion
He will tell everyone and everything about how cool and useful it is. And then he will quietly film those who believe it on his phone in order to post it on YouTube and get a bunch more new subscribers.
Virgo
He believes that if you step on the rake correctly, then everything will work out. He will spend a long time experimenting with every rake he encounters along the way. 
Scales
They will weigh, think and hesitate for a long time, and having made a decision, they will step on the biggest ones. Or, even worse for some - for children's. But they will not be disappointed in the choice.
Scorpion
If he steps on it, he won’t pay attention to it. But he will think about who could be given such a rake and why.
Sagittarius
Boldly and decisively he attacks the rake, gets hit in the forehead, wants to take revenge and attacks again, hoping to dodge. Does not exceed. It can enter an endless cycle until it sees a new rake on the horizon, larger and more beautiful than the previous ones.
The site team and journalist Artyom Kostin remind you that stereotypes are... But if you recognize yourself in them, there is nothing wrong with that. However, do not take all this seriously, because everything can be changed if you really want it.
Agree, we often make the same mistakes in life, in other words, we step on the same rake. The amazing thing is that each person does this differently. Astrologers claim that a person makes all mistakes and mistakes as his Zodiac Sign dictates. Is it true? Let's test this hypothesis in a comic horoscope!
Aries
Aries will step on a rake, realize that he has made a mistake and, in a fit of rage, break it. However, in the process, he will get 10 more hits on the head with them.
Taurus
Taurus is a stubborn person. According to the comic horoscope, this Zodiac Sign is simply a champion in raking. A true Taurus will step on a rake until it breaks. Although, when they break, Taurus can buy another one and start all over again.
Twins
Geminis simply need to try everything, only after that they will understand what they want and in which direction they need to move. Experience for Gemini comes not with age, but with the number of rakes in their life.
Cancer
According to the comic horoscope according to the Zodiac Sign, Cancer cannot live without a rake. He will constantly step on them, but this is what will give him strength. Only after making a mistake will Cancer understand what he really needs from life.
a lion
Leo is optimistic that he will step on the same rake a couple of times more. The representative of this Sign doesn’t just step on a rake, he jumps on it cheerfully, while waving his hands to his friends and calling them to join.
Virgo
Virgo steps on the rake carefully, trying to calculate the force of the blow and the degree of pain caused. Virgo believes that it is possible to step on the same rake if you predict and plan everything correctly.
Scales
Libra will long and stubbornly avoid meeting a rake. They will begin to doubt, think for a long time and calculate their moves, but when they make a decision, they will definitely step on the biggest and sharpest rake.
Scorpion
Scorpio steps on a rake and is not afraid of it. And all because the representative of this Zodiac Sign simply does not notice anything! And if he notices, he won’t even think about the fact that it happened.
Sagittarius
Life doesn't teach Sagittarius at all. If Sagittarius steps on a rake and realizes that he has made a big mistake, this will not stop him from reaching his goal. After some time, he will decide to step on the same rake again.
Capricorn
A Capricorn who has stepped on a rake behaves very strangely: he analyzes, thinks and estimates for a long time. But in the end he will understand that it is not worth his thought and will forget his mistake, which will ultimately push him to make a mistake again.
Aquarius
According to the comic horoscope, Aquarius is very good at using gardening tools. He will step on the most attractive and original, in his opinion, rake and will be proud that no one else but him thought of doing this.
Fish
If Pisces steps on a rake even once, they will remember it all their lives, regret it, and blame themselves. Until a very old age, Pisces will keep already rusty, but still quite usable rakes in their closet and sigh heavily when looking at them.