How to teach your child proper behavior in the temple. How to teach the rules of behavior to a child? Tips for Girls and Boys How to Teach Your Child Behavior
Is it possible for a teenager to lose weight without dieting? And why no diets? In adolescence, the child's body more than ever needs not only enough vitamins and minerals, but also calories. This is an intensive phase of growth and physical formation. And of course, it implies the passage of puberty. Therefore, hard and exhausting diets are not only undesirable, but also extremely contraindicated in adolescence.
If a child is allowed everything and there are no prohibitions, he will gradually turn into a little devil. And if you constantly reprimand or forbid for something, you will grow up a notorious creature with a lack of will. Therefore, in raising children, adhere to the golden mean.
The child's closest and dearest person is the mother. Dads play, so to speak, a “second role” in the life of a baby. It is the father who can direct his son or daughter to the right path. Parents have different functions in raising a child, which complement each other. In other words, dad can give in raising a baby something that mom can’t and vice versa.
How often the joy of having a baby is replaced by irritation and anger as a new family member grows up. A heavy load of grievances, claims, and misunderstanding accumulates. Imperceptibly, alienation turns into an unbridgeable abyss.
Behind the difficult periods of infancy, when you did not sleep, watching the development of the child by months, behind kindergarten, ahead of admission to grade 1, an exciting student life. The task of parents is to ensure that preschool preparation for school provides him with comfortable learning, entry into the student team.
Instilling elementary norms of behavior with adults and peers in a child is not an easy task. When preparing for school, the kid must be able to serve himself, follow the rules of school etiquette. The inability to communicate, find a common language with peers sometimes becomes an obstacle, which is very difficult to bypass.
Parents want to see their child educated, responsive and friendly, because their baby is the best and most well-mannered. And often, due to their parental love, they turn a blind eye to many things, justifying the actions of their children, and convincing themselves that they are still small ...
The time comes and the former preschooler becomes a first grader. And if by this moment he does not have elementary norms and rules of ethical behavior, the child will have a hard time. Such unprepared children do not know how to say hello, apologize and ask about something, it is difficult for them to find a common language with classmates.
And if from childhood we teach the child the basics of etiquette, then in the future, he will grow up as a well-mannered and educated person.
Preparing for school is a long-term process, and how well-educated the child will grow, largely depends on his further successful education at school.
I bring to your attention games and game situations for teaching a child politeness and a culture of communication.
1. Play with your child a dialogue about the culture of behavior between people of different professions. For example: between a friendly seller and a buyer, a teacher and a student, a doctor and a patient, a driver and a passenger. Relations between family members can also be included in the game: between a friendly grandmother and grandson, brother and sister, etc. Discuss the proverb together: "Don't be picky, but be friendly."
2. The participants in the game take turns throwing the ball, naming polite words. The game can be made more difficult by offering to name, for example, only words of greeting, gratitude, etc. It is also possible that each player repeats the words spoken by other participants before him, and then calls his word.
3. Ask the child, using the norms of speech etiquette, to ask how to get to the zoo, swimming pool, metro, museum.
4. Suppose a child is often rude to adults, although you have repeatedly talked with him on this topic. Call one of the chairs in the apartment a “magic chair”, after sitting on which a person stops being rude. If the baby is still rude, ask him to sit in this chair a little longer, listen to himself and try not to be rude again.
You can choose several "magic chairs" and name them those qualities that the child lacks. If there are difficulties, defuse the situation by offering the baby to sit in a courtesy chair or a chair of good manners.
5. Such a creative task will be interesting and developing for the child. Ask him to draw with whom you can compare a well-mannered person. For example, with the sun, because every morning it greets everyone affectionately. This game task can be repeated a little later, when the son or daughter grows up. Compare the work of a child of different years. If the task seems difficult for the baby, do not be too lazy to draw your own drawing and tell us who educated people remind you of.
6. Learn the proverb with your child: "Modesty suits everyone." Think about this situation: what would a modest person do if they received the most incredible things as a gift - a rocket, an airplane, a beautiful car, a jewelry box, a magic castle, etc.
7. If the child is not distinguished by modesty, invent and make together a "decoration (beads, necklace) of modesty." These can be beads made from acorns or other natural materials, etc. (the kid will offer a lot of ideas). Explain that this is a magical piece of jewelry that teaches people modesty. Find a special place for him in the apartment, and if the child forgets about modesty, again offer to put it on and think.
8. Mom or dad explains the game situation: “There were polite words on the shelves in the store. Among them were words of gratitude (thank you, thank you, please); greetings (hello, good afternoon, good morning, good evening); apologies (sorry, sorry, sorry); farewell (goodbye, goodbye, good night). But suddenly a wind blew from the open door, all the words fell and got mixed up. We need to put them back on the shelves."
For the game, it is advisable to prepare cards with the indicated polite words.
9. Introduce the child to the proverb: “If you notice the good, you won’t look back at the bad.” Ask your son or daughter to close their eyes and remember all the good people in their lives; all the good things that ever happened to them; all the beautiful places they've ever been; deeds they can be proud of, etc.
Getting Ready for School - Tips for Parents
They avoided irritants, and in difficult situations they tried to take into account the characteristics of the child. But now the school year has come - and with it the inevitable invitations to children's birthday parties with animators, long waiting times for their turn at the clinic and, in general, the need to contact with a large number of children and adults - both at school and in kindergarten. Practical advice on the behavior of a child with ADHD in situations of stress is given by the author of the book "Extreme Motherhood" Irina Lukyanova.
Every family has its own situations in which children and parents come into conflict. Somewhere the kids whine so much at breakfast that they piss off dad. Somewhere, a mother comes home with shaky hands after visiting a mall with her kids. Somewhere, fights in the back seat bring the parent driving to white heat - especially if he is in traffic and late for work.
There are no and cannot be general solutions for such situations: all children are different, and what works with one does not work with another. There are only general patterns that usually help.
The general patterns are something like this:
- match expectations with age;
- formulate clear and concise rules and clear consequences for breaking them, update them in memory before important events;
- ignore less serious violations, work over one skill at once;
- reward good behavior.
What are the most difficult situations for children with ADHD and just active and restless children?
We cannot demand from a child that which does not correspond to his age: for example, to sit decorously at the festive table with his grandmother and her guests, to eat salads, then hot, then dessert ...
"How long can your daughter sit quietly at the table? Five minutes? Make it five minutes," says Dr. William Sears. force her to participate in adult conversations.Let me tell you something interesting about her day; many toddlers feel better when they are the center of attention.Give her paper and pencils when she has finished eating so she can keep herself busy, or give her something to fiddle with, or place a soft toy next to her that you can 'feed'."
Of course, each house has its own rules of conduct at the table: some are more strict, some are softer. "Do not spit food" and "do not throw bread" - by itself. "Don't fight with your brother" - too. But "do not talk with your mouth full" and "do not drink the rest of the soup from the bowl over the edge" - is it worth exposing a child from the table for violating these rules?
Preschoolers infuriate their parents with picky eating, slowness and attempts at all costs to attract attention. At this age, it can be helpful to draw table rules on paper and hang them above the table, writes Lisa van den Hein. Before eating, you can call the children to the table and ask them to remind them of the rules of behavior at the table. When they behave well - give thanks. Sometimes - gently correct: "I think you mean: pass me the ketchup, please." Before going on a visit or a restaurant, we also remember the family rules: "In our family, it is customary to talk quietly at the table and not to put your hands on other people's plates."
When children get older, they bring gadgets to the table, eat without waiting for anyone, criticize the food served. They can be reminded that adulthood at the table is manifested in the ability to use a knife and fork, not an iPad, and those who are dissatisfied with their mother's culinary skills can start cooking on their own. It's not certain it will work. But maybe the child will either learn how to cook, or will be forced to put up with what they give.
Another point of stress for families of children with ADHD is the long wait. What can you do with a child if there is absolutely nothing to do? You can play word games. You can tell and make up stories. Play finger games. Coloring books and glove dolls, if stocked up in advance, will also serve you well. You can learn poetry by heart.
You can do observation and research. I remember how our car once broke down, and while dad was looking for help, my first grade son and I had to stand motionless for twenty minutes on the median strip of the winter road. As a result, we decided to find out which cars are passing by more - red or white. He counted the reds, I counted the whites, and when dad came for us, the son did not want to leave: the reds turned out to be two less.
For kids on the road, you can collect small toys, etc. Now you can even buy such boxes: they are specially designed and produced for families traveling with children; they are on sale in Russia.
It is important not to forget food and water, to correctly assess the capabilities of the child (the need to walk uphill in the heat for half an hour will make even a very patient child differ), not to let him overwork and get overexcited, especially when it comes to a child with ADHD.
How to regulate the behavior of the child at children's parties
Children with ADHD can not stand both the abundance of impressions and the forced rest with a lack of impressions. Both in "quiet" and in "loud" public places it is difficult for them, but in different ways.
Children's clubs, restaurants, birthday parties at McDonald's, amusement parks, holidays with animators, Christmas trees, theater and circus performances, large shopping centers - all this overloads the child's nervous system. He starts up, starts rushing from one bright stimulus to another, and if he is not stopped in time, not taken to a quiet place, not allowed to calm down, we will very soon get a red, sweaty, screaming and cackling child with glassy eyes. He no longer understands what is happening, he does not hear when they turn to him, he cannot stop. The next step is hysteria.
Therefore, if we are going to visit other children or to a performance, we need to understand how many people there will be, how noisy and bright it will be, whether active games are expected (chasing with shooting from toy guns, from laser guns). Is there a quiet place where you can go and calm down?
Before leaving, we remind the child about the rules of behavior in a public place or ask him to repeat these rules. We recall what will happen if the child violates these rules (fights at a birthday party or shouts something in the theater during a performance). We agree how long we will stay there and when we will go home.
If children are left alone with someone's parents or entertainers, give the responsible adult your phone number, tell them what to do if the child gets overexcited, stay close, and be available to pick up the child in case of a tantrum or fight.
If you immediately assessed the situation and realized that here your child is definitely in danger of a nervous breakdown, you should pick him up earlier.
Children with ADHD often experience problems in relationships with peers. It happens that children from birth are able to understand someone else's state, sympathize, intuitively feel when they are being deceived or laughed at. Many children with ADHD do not feel any of this, do not understand. Some of them act like a fabulous stuffed fool - always inappropriate. It seems to others that the whole world is against them - or, conversely, everyone is friends with them when other children shy away from their obsessive attention.
Irina, the mother of 17-year-old Ivan, says: “Vanya always thought that the world was hostile to him: if they laugh at him somewhere, if they talk about “crazy”, then this is about him. He survived it. Everyone loves him ", girls rush after him, he studies well. But he still perceives any sidelong glance as a collision. He did not perceive the whole range of benevolent emotions and relationships at all, he considered any touch a threat. He was saved by the fact that it is difficult to offend him. Today, someone then he hits, and tomorrow they are friends again. It also helped to pronounce his feelings: he perceived what was said aloud as already done: he would shout “I will kill them all!” - and calm down, as if the real action had already taken place.
There are a lot of tasks in teaching a child to communicate. You need to teach him how to get to know each other correctly (starting a fight on the playground is not the best way to start an acquaintance), understand facial expressions and read social cues, maintain dialogue and eye contact, talk about topics that are interesting to another person, actively listen, control your tone, show the appropriate feeling humor, saying no, handling teasing, dealing with stress, dealing with anger, conflict resolution...
Parents have to work on social skills consistently and seriously. You need to observe how the child interacts with others. Analyze situations. Role play or with toys the necessary models of social interaction. Do not immediately throw the child into a situation of communication with many children, but start with playing with one child under parental control.
Experts advise working on developing new skills gradually, one at a time. Set specific goals for the child: not to "behave decently", but, for example, this week, interrupting others during a conversation is half as much. Or one time this week to play peacefully in the yard. Or learn one new way to respond to teasing. Or learn to show "I'm listening to you" (nod, say "uh-huh", etc.). This is a very big job, and here the child needs the help of parents and a psychologist.
You want to teach your child to discipline, but do not know what method of education to use. Neither strict prohibitions nor permissiveness work for good. There are no absolute extremes. On the contrary, all educational processes are reduced to the golden mean. In order to derive ideal rules, it is necessary to take an interest in the views on the problems of education from several educational psychologists at once. Here's what we end up with.
Reducing time out
Time for calm and comfort is given to the child so that he can comprehend a difficult situation and come to his senses. Some parents abuse this excessively, focusing on the behavior of the baby (good or bad). Recently, in the camp of parents, it is customary to fall into the other extreme: not to talk to the child for a fault, avoid communication and ignore. We chastise our children by arranging whole demonstration lectures, insisting that they immediately stop crying or playing around. However, if you use this technique in a timely and correct manner, you can reap good dividends. 
If you notice that your child is too emotional, scatters objects around the room and gets angry, then he is tired. It's time to take a little break and relax. Children should be alone with themselves in proportion to their age: one minute for each year. It will be better if you begin to use such a measure not as a punishment for any violation. Isolation should not be taken as a disgrace. Psychologists believe that this technique works best on children from three to eight years old. 
Punishment must match the offense
Punishments without warning, especially if they are excessively harsh, only cause indignation and indignation in children. In the end, you yourself will get confused in your requirements. The discipline lies in the fact that the punishment should be commensurate with the offense. 
For example, if your family has an unspoken rule that a toddler must call you after school is over and he breaks it, it makes sense to take the mobile device out of circulation for a while. But if you take away the phone for some other offense, this will not change the child's behavior and will not teach him anything. Psychologists warn: suffering is not a great stimulus. And random punishment only teaches children the fear of being caught. 
Don't make too many rules
Always remember the simple truth: rules are made to be broken. Therefore, the fewer restrictions you set for your own child, the better. Numerous prohibitions only create temptations that are simply impossible not to succumb to. The catchphrase "Don't do this, otherwise it will be ..." just asks the kid to conduct an experiment and see what happens after all. 
Therefore, limit yourself to a set of basic house rules and be sure to explain to your child why this is all necessary. Don't use empty threats. If you want to take a toy away from your child as a disciplinary measure, just do it without further ado. In the end, the child will understand what actions lead to such a result, and next time he will behave differently.
Highlight the positives
Some parents mistakenly believe that discipline is a punishment for bad behavior. In fact, it is designed to resist flaws. That is why it is much easier to cultivate good behavior in children than to fight bad behavior later. 
Just imagine that your baby is good by definition. If you once again praise him for a well-executed assignment around the house, this will give him additional confidence in his own abilities. If in your educational lexicon the main word is “impossible”, the child will only feel irritation. In addition to praise, it is effective to introduce some benefits and rewards. So the child will see the return of his good deeds, as well as feel your gratitude.
Stop Worrying About Your Toddler's Bad Behavior in Public
It really is. For some reason, we are sure that those around us, in the event of the whims of our child, will think badly about our methods of education. Being with children in public, we are constantly afraid of this reaction. In fact, all these fears and worries are absolutely in vain. 
If your parenting methods do not imply immediate conflict resolution, others will not think badly of you. For the most part, they don't care. Therefore, do not be afraid of the ghostly public condemnation and calmly follow the chosen course. Just abstract from the situation and imagine that you are not in public, but one on one with a child. In addition, you can always explain your position by unobtrusively taking the baby away from a crowded place.
Don't rush to take action
Despite the fact that your child is still very young, simple life situations can give him the first lessons that are truly priceless. 
He sees how the neighbor's kid in the sandbox hit another kid on the head in order to take away the car. From the age of four, children can apply logic and think through the consequences of what happened. Let your little one be the judge for a while. Let him say whether it is good or bad to take toys from other children or beat them.
Do not Cry
It's so simple, but at the same time so difficult. Even if the child is constantly naughty, very excited and spilled milk on the floor again, do not give in to your own emotions. You must be patient. The problem is that babies do not perceive crying as an educational measure. They are only very afraid of these loud exclamations. At this point, the most primitive parts of the brain responsible for shame and anger are involved in children. 
Therefore, they cannot hear your exhortations. With emotional children, as well as with teenagers, things are even more serious. If you could not restrain yourself and see that the baby blushed a lot as a result of your anger, it is better to leave the room and come to your senses. After everything, be sure to say that you regret what happened. Hug your baby and apologize.
1. Ignore bad behavior
Sometimes parents themselves encourage the child's bad behavior by paying attention to it. Attention can be both positive (praise) and negative (criticism), but sometimes a complete lack of attention can be a solution to a child's misbehavior. If you understand that your attention only provokes the child, try to restrain yourself. The Ignore Technique can be very effective, but it must be done correctly. Here are a few conditions to keep in mind:
To pay no attention means to pay no attention at all. Do not react to the child in any way - do not shout, do not look at him, do not talk to him. (Keep a close eye on the child, but do something about it.)
Completely ignore the child until he stops misbehaving. This can take 5 or 25 minutes, so be patient.
- The rest of the family in the same room as you should also ignore the child.
- As soon as the child stops misbehaving, you should praise him. For example, you could say, “I'm so glad you stopped screaming. I don't like it when you scream like that, it hurts my ears. Now that you're not screaming, I'm much better."
The "ignoring technique" requires patience, and most importantly, do not forget that you are not ignoring the child, but his behavior.
2. Leave
Children of any age can drive moms and dads to such a state that parents lose control over themselves. If you feel like you are losing control of yourself, you need time to recover. Give yourself and your child time to calm down. Smoking is an option, but not recommended.
3. Use a distraction
Age: children under 2 / 2 to 5 / 6 to 12
Another way to avoid aggravating the situation is to divert the attention of the child. Best of all, this method works before the child becomes naughty so that you will no longer get through to him.
It is very easy to distract a baby, for example, with a toy or other desired object for him. But once the kids are older (after age 3), you'll need to be more creative to focus their attention on something completely different from the subject of the fight.
For example, imagine that your child is stubbornly reaching for another stick of chewing gum. You forbid him and offer fruit instead. The kid disperses in earnest. Don't stuff him with food, immediately choose another activity: say, start playing with a yo-yo or show him a trick. At this point, any "edible" replacement would remind the baby that he never got the chewing gum.
4. Change of scenery
Age: children 2 to 5
It is also good to physically take the child out of a difficult situation. A change of scenery often allows both children and parents to stop feeling stuck. Which spouse should pick up the child? Not at all the one who is more “concerned” with the problem, contrary to popular belief. (This subtly supports the “mom is in charge” paradigm.) Such a mission should be entrusted to the parent, who at this particular moment is showing great cheerfulness and flexibility. Get ready: when the environment changes, your child will be even more upset at first. But if you manage to get past that point, both of you will no doubt begin to calm down.
5. Use a replacement
Age: children under 2/ 2 to 5/ 6 to 12
If the child does not do what is required, keep him busy with what is necessary. Children need to be taught how, where and when to behave properly. It is not enough for a child to say: “This is not the way to do it.” He needs to explain how to act in this case, that is, show an alternative. Here are some examples:
If the child draws with a pencil on the couch, give him a coloring book.
- If the daughter takes her mother's cosmetics, buy her children's cosmetics that are easily washed off.
If a child throws stones, play ball with him.
When your child plays with something fragile or dangerous, just give him another toy instead. Children are easily carried away and find an outlet for their creative and physical energy in everything.
Your ability to quickly find a replacement for a child's unwanted behavior can save you from many problems.
6. Strong hugs
Age: children under 2 / 2 to 5
Under no circumstances should children be allowed to harm themselves or others. Don't let your child fight, not with you or anyone else, even if it doesn't hurt. Sometimes mothers, unlike fathers, tolerate when small children try to hit them. Many men complain to me about the "humiliation" their wives endure by allowing angry toddlers to beat them, and that such patience spoils the child. For their part, mothers are often afraid to fight back, so as not to "suppress" the child's morale.
It seems to me that in this case, the popes are usually right, and there are several reasons for this. Fighting children behave the same way not only at home, but also in other places, with strangers. In addition, it is very difficult to get rid of the bad habit of reacting to something with physical violence later. You don't want your kids to grow up believing that mom (read women) will endure just about anything, even physical abuse.
Here is one very effective way to teach your child to keep his hands to himself: hug him tightly, preventing him from kicking and fighting. Say firmly and authoritatively, "I won't let you fight." Again, no magic - be prepared. At first, he will squeal even louder and beat in your hands with a vengeance. It is at this moment that you need to hold it especially tightly. Little by little, the child will begin to feel your firmness, conviction and your strength, he will understand that you are holding him back without harming him and not allowing sharp actions against himself - and he will begin to calm down.
7. Offer a choice
Age: children under 2 / 2 to 5 / 6 to 12
Have you ever thought about why a child sometimes so actively resists the instructions of his parents? The answer is simple: it is a natural way of asserting your independence. Conflict can be avoided by offering the child a choice. Here are some examples:
Food: “Will you have scrambled eggs or porridge for breakfast?” "Which would you like for dinner, carrots or corn?"
Clothing: “Which shirt will you wear to school, blue or yellow?” “Will you dress yourself or will I help you?”
Household chores: “Are you going to clean up before or after dinner?” “Will you take out the trash or wash the dishes?”
Letting the child choose for himself is very useful - it makes him think for himself. The ability to make decisions contributes to the development of a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem of the child. At the same time, parents, on the one hand, satisfy the child's need for independence, and on the other hand, maintain control over his behavior.
8. Ask your child for a solution
Age: children from 6 to 11
This technique is especially effective because children of primary school age (6-11 years old) are eager to take on more responsibility. Say, "Look, Harold, you spend so much time getting dressed in the morning that we're late for school every day. Plus, I don't get to work on time. Something needs to be done about this. What solution can you suggest?"
A direct question makes the child feel like a responsible person. Children understand that you do not always have answers for everything. Often they are so eager to contribute that they simply gush with suggestions.
I confess that there are reasons to doubt the effectiveness of this technique, I myself did not really believe in it. But, to my surprise, it often worked. For example, Harold suggested dressing not alone, but in the company of an older brother. This worked flawlessly for several months - a remarkable result for any parenting technique. So, when you hit a dead end, do not quarrel with your spouse. Ask your child to give you a fresh idea.
9. Teach by Example
Age: children under 2 / 2 to 5 / 6 to 12
Children often behave, from our point of view, incorrectly; it means that an adult needs to show them how to behave correctly. For you, for the parent, the child repeats more than for anyone else. Therefore, a personal example is the best and easiest way to teach a child how to behave.
In this way, you can teach your child a lot. Here are some examples:
Small child:
Establish eye contact.
- Empathize.
- Express love and affection.
Preschool age:
Sit still.
- Share with others.
- Resolve conflict peacefully.
School age:
Speak correctly on the phone.
- Take care of animals and do not offend them.
- Spend money wisely.
If you are now careful about what kind of example you set for your child, this will help to avoid many conflicts in the future. And later you can be proud that the child has learned something good from you.
10. "No" means no
Age: children under 2 / 2 to 5 / 6 to 12
How do you tell your child "no"? Children usually react to the tone in which you say the phrase. “No” should be said firmly and clearly. You can also raise your voice slightly, but you still shouldn't shout (except in extreme situations).
Have you noticed how you say "no"? Often parents "send" the child ambiguous information: sometimes their "no" means "maybe" or "ask me again later." The mother of a teenage girl once told me that she says "no" until her daughter "finally gets her" and then gives up and gives her consent. When you feel that the child is trying to manipulate you or piss you off so that you change your mind, just stop talking to him. Stay calm. Let the child give vent to their emotions. You once said "no", explained the reason for the refusal and are no longer obliged to enter into any discussions. (At the same time, when explaining your refusal, try to give a simple, clear reason that would be clear to the child.) You do not need to defend your position in front of the child - you are not the accused, you are the judge. This is an important point, so try imagining yourself as a judge for a second. Now think about how you would say “no” to your child in this case. The parent judge would have remained absolutely calm when announcing his decision. He would speak as if his words were worth their weight in gold, he would choose expressions and not say too much.
Do not forget that you are the judge in the family and your words are your power.
And the next time the child tries to write you back as the accused, you can answer him: "I already told you about my decision. My decision is" No ". Further attempts by the child to change your decision can be ignored, or in response to them in a calm voice repeat these simple words until the child is ready to accept.