Anecdotes and jokes about photography and photographers. Jokes about photographers in stories and photos Jokes about photographers
People used to take pictures not for an avatar, but for memory. And people don't photographed cats. And if the cat got into the frame, then he got trendy, not likes.
Nowadays, a real girl should not only cook well, but also good to photograph that has prepared.
Went to a girl for dinner.
She, looking at his photos, exclaimed:
- What wonderful photos you have! You probably have very good camera?
The photographer was silent.
But as he left, he said:
- Thank you, dinner was very tasty. You must have very good pots
Why do blondes stand near the window during a thunderstorm?
- Because they think they are being photographed!
Guess the riddle: the glass eye will point, click once - and we remember you. Who is it?
- The optimistic answer is the photographer. Pessimistic - sniper.
Photo model on set. Photographer:
- And now, dear, depict deep thought on your face. I will help you:
What is 7 multiplied by 9?
Two pleasant, but rather large ladies, went to rest on the sea. We decided to take a photo for memory. Came up on the beach to the photographer and ask:
- Take a picture of us, please. Just so we don't get fat.
To which he replies:
- Get up to your neck in the water ...
Two photographers are walking with cameras look around through the viewfinders, taking pictures. One stumbled and fell. The second one immediately lies next to it:
- Great angle! What are we filming?
— I'll be a fashion model ?
- No, only identikit.
The photographer delivers the work to the client. The customer nods with satisfaction, agrees with everything:
- Well, everything seems to be accepted!
- Great, 15,000 from you.
The customer, giving the money: “I hope, if it needs to be finalized later, can I apply? It’s not like that once done and forgotten?”
- Of course, depending on what needs to be fixed and how.
- Well, of course! I'm not going to say "Let's redo everything"!
- No problem. By the way, one more thing. Can I later, if I suddenly run out of money or have new plans, I will contact you about paying a little extra? This is a trifle, I need it very rarely, I think it will not bother you.
- ???
- Don't worry! I will not come to you, they say, pay me again!
Blonde in the studio. Nude. Half a turn. Hands behind your head.
- Are you sure that I need this photo for my passport?
- Here on this a photo I am five years old.
- Excuse me, it turns out that you already had a bald head at that age?
- No, you keep photograph upside down!
When photographers argue among themselves, and they run out of arguments, then by tradition they start measure the lenses of their cameras.
In the Atelier of Original Design, the client makes an order:
— Please make me a roll of toilet paper with portrait in this photo. On both sides and along the entire length. Do you guarantee quality?
- Do not worry! Your portrait will be made with the highest quality.
“How did you know it was my mother-in-law?”
- And yesterday she ordered pads with the image of her son-in-law from us. We are you learned from the photo attached to her order.
*****
Seven Chinese people come to the photo studio, stand - three below, and four on their shoulders, then vice versa - four below, and three on their shoulders.
The stunned photographer, having done his job, asks:
- Are you acrobats?
- No, why do you think so! It's just that one of us was told to bring a photo for documents, but he forgot which one, either 3x4 or 4x3.
*****
A photographer walks along the river bank.
- Man! Quicker! My friend is drowning! - the woman catches up with him.
“Sorry,” he says, “but I've already run out of film...
*****
A geographic magazine photographer is tasked with shooting a large forest fire from the air. In the morning, having reached the airfield, he sees a plane standing on the runway and warming up the engines.
Very eager to get started, the photographer jumps in with all his cameras and shouts to the pilot:
- Forward, forward, fly!
The pilot accelerates the plane and they take off.
- Fly to the north side of the fire and make three or four passes at low altitude.
- Why? he asks.
“Because I need to take pictures!” I am a photographer and all photographers take pictures!
After a long pause, the pilot says:
“Are you saying that you are not a flight instructor?!
*****
A photographer stands on the beach with a monkey on his shoulder.
A man approaches him. He hesitated, hesitated, then asks:
"Ah, this is ... but how much will it cost with a monkey?".
The photographer looked around and winking at the peasant confidentially, he asks in an undertone: "Take a picture?"
*****
The photographer shoots the wedding for a long time and finally proclaims:
- And now, let me capture the happy couple!
Everyone is confused.
- The bride and her mother - explains the photographer.
*****
- I'm five years old in this photo.
- Excuse me, it turns out that you already had a bald head at that age?
- No, you hold the photo upside down!
*****
A man is walking with his mother-in-law along Deribasovskaya. The photographer stops him.
- Would you like to take a picture with the monkey?
"Get out, I can't even look at her!"
*****
Photo model on set. Photographer:
- And now, dear, depict deep thought on your face. I'll help you: what is 7 times 9?
*****
"New Russian" bought a photo studio. He advertised in the newspaper: "A fashion model is required for erotica. An hour of work is 10,000 bucks!"
Many applicants came, one was selected. Photographed for 3 hours. Then the owner comes out and announces:
- Payment on the spot, in cash. Hey, photographer, how many times did you click?
- One hundred and twenty shots.
- What shutter speed did you set?
- One five hundredth of a second.
The owner turns to the fashion model:
- Well, you, in kind, did not work even for half a second ...
*****
- I can disfigure anyone with one movement of my finger!
- Oh, you must be a jiu-jitsu master?
- No, I'm a photographer!
*****
Transfer "Around laughter". A. Ivanov announces the contest "What would it mean?"
Shows a photo: an ice hole, and in the hole - horseradish.
Notes arrive, the jury deliberates. Ivanov announces:
- In third place is a note with the answer "Walrus horseradish." Original...
In second place - "Fucking walrus." Not bad ... But the winner of the competition was the man sitting in the eighth row, place 28 with the answer: "Dived - the hell came up."
*****
New Lefty: on a 1x1 pixel image, the pixel managed to put his name and photo...
*****
The husband is in the bathroom printing photographs. The wife comments loudly:
- I can imagine what kind of photos they are if they need to be printed in the dark!
*****
If the photo album is small and thin, and the photo is one and ugly, then this is a passport.
*****
If you look like your passport photo, then it's time for you to go on vacation.
*****
If you think that you did not successfully come out on the photo, then look at it again in ten years, and your opinion will change to the opposite.
*****
Two photographer friends meet:
- What's new?
- Married here.
- And how is your wife?
- Well... it's like putting on a light...
*****
Neighbors talk:
- Why do you pile food on your husband in such a sloppy pile?
- He is my photographer, if he arranges everything beautifully, he will put on the light and shoot until everything cools down!
*****
The essence of the term "Professional deformation of the personality" was incomprehensible to me in full even after speaking at a conference at the academy on this topic.
But when a photographer friend who came to visit me, at my request to "take off my jacket" in the hallway, took and photographed it (!), - everything immediately fell into place ...
*****
Every camera has a "masterpiece" button, but only Ken Rockwell can find it.
*****
At a social dinner:
The hostess asks the photographer:
- Wow, you have such wonderful photos!
Do you have a very expensive camera?
The photographer replies:
- Wow, you have such delicious food, you probably cook in golden pots???
*****
Studio. End of shooting day. The light is off, the backs are removed, the camera is put in a trunk. The photographer and the model are drinking tea in the corner at a table. She is wearing an open robe. They talk sincerely and exchange meaningful glances. The photographer casts a careless glance out the window, after which he suddenly jumps up, almost overturning the table, and rushes to the wardrobe trunk.
- My wife is there! If she catches us - SCANDAL! Quickly get undressed and get into a pose!
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
If you look like your passport photo, then it's time for you to go on vacation.
There are no non-photogenic women - there is little film.
From the point of view of the photographer, an absolutely meaningless expression: “The photographer showed restraint”
Previously, people blamed everything inexplicable on otherworldly forces, now - on Photoshop.
If the photo album is small and thin, and the photo is one and ugly, then this is a passport.
If you think that you failed in the photograph, then look at it again in ten years, and your opinion will change to the opposite.
Every camera has a "masterpiece" button, but only Ken Rockwell can find it
An autotourist is a person who travels 5000 km to take a picture with his own car.
Jokes about photography and photographers
Why do you pile food on your husband in such a sloppy pile?
- He is my photographer - if he lays out everything beautifully, he will put on the light and shoot until everything cools down!
I can disfigure you with a flick of my finger!
- Are you a karateka?
- No, I'm a photographer!
Two photographers are talking:
- I met a girl yesterday!
- Beautiful?
- Watching how to put the light ...
Two beginner photographers are walking with cameras. They look around through the viewfinders, take pictures... One stumbled and fell. The second immediately lays next to him: - “Great angle! What are we filming?"
The husband is in the bathroom printing photographs. The wife comments loudly: - "I can imagine what kind of photos they are if they need to be printed in the dark!"
Dialogue in the photo studio:
- And now, baby, smile and look here, now a bird will fly out!
Tired of these stories. Better take a light meter, check the light and set the aperture correctly.
Just wondering how it is in the photographs of your atelier that everyone laughs so naturally?
- You wouldn't be so surprised if you knew what our photographer looks like!
The Scot, looking at the wedding photo of his friend, asks:
- Why did you and your wife take pictures at such a distance from each other?
- If we ever get divorced, we can cut the photo and everyone will take their own picture.
In the maternity hospital, a young dad photographs his newborn son from one side, then from the other - he shot the entire film in one fell swoop. The nurse asks him:
- Is this your first child?
- No, the child is already the third, but the camera is the first.
A mother who has given birth to twins is asked to show a photo of the babies, she shows:
- But there is only one baby?
- And the second one is exactly the same!
One photographer was invited to a party. Just in case, he took with him a few of his photographs, so that he could show them to the guests on occasion. The hostess, seeing the pictures, exclaimed:
- What amazing photos! You seem to have a very expensive camera!
The photographer did not answer her anything, but saying goodbye at the end of the evening he said:
Thanks, dinner was great! You must have very expensive pans!
Dictionary of a "cool" photographer
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Hey, listen! Cover your diaphragm! |
Photographers are special people. They are completely in love with their profession, and if it is a hobby, then they subordinate all their free time to it. I would even say that they are insane in their love of photography. It is not for nothing that a huge number of films have been shot about photographers, thousands of anecdotes have been invented, millions of photographs have been taken. Photographers are always in the center of attention of photographers themselves. The photographer sees the photographer from afar. In this publication, we will introduce you to funny photographs, the heroes of which were photographers, and funny anecdotes about these wonderful people with cameras.
Dear readers! Surely you have had to take funny pictures of your colleagues, people with cameras, hear funny stories about photographers and photographs. Send them to our editorial office. The best materials will be published in the journal, and their authors will receive a prize! Our address: [email protected]
Text: Oles Slipy
Jokes and photos
For example, I believe that a person who buys a camera immediately falls into the category of photographers. When I got my first camera, I immediately felt special, not like everyone else. I immediately began to actively photograph everything around, registered on several sites and won two competitions: “Clouds” and “My Lunch”. It was very nice when they handed me a saucepan and a diploma. But then there was trouble when I was photographing a storm, I was washed away by a wave and my camera died. But it was even more unpleasant when the photographer who photographed how I was washed away into the sea received a prize of 15,000 euros in a photo contest for this photograph of mine. At the same time, I signed that I was dead. I had to sue him and I won 25,000 euros. I bought myself a camera and now during a storm I walk near the waves. Suddenly someone else wants to win the competition. (Photographer Petrenko)
And how did it happen that in the photograph of the coat of arms, a double-headed eagle turned out?
He turned his head when he was photographed.
Are you responsible for making me look like myself in the photo?
I give you a full guarantee.
And for how long?
A man with his mother-in-law is walking down Deribasovskaya Street. The photographer stops them.
Would you like to take a picture with a monkey?
The mother-in-law suddenly hugs the man tenderly and asks: “Take it off!”
Husband prints photos while locked in the bathroom. The wife says loudly
I can imagine what kind of pictures they are if they have to be printed in the dark!
On the sea beach, the photographer asks permission from a pretty blonde to photograph her for a fashion magazine.
Of course, but on one condition: I will take off my bathing suit so that my husband does not recognize me.
If you are photographing a rabbit, then you don’t need a flash, he already has red eyes.
Newspaper "Pravda". A large photograph is published on the front page: Brezhnev visits an advanced pigsty. The entire editorial staff thinks about what signature to put:
Brezhnev in an advanced pigsty;
Brezhnev among record-breaking pigs;
The best pigs and Leonid Ilyich...
Final version: third from left - General Secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev!
The watchman, drunk in the smoke, carefully peers into the mirror, then studies the picture on his pass for a long time and says: - Everything is n-normal, it matches. Pr-oh-go!
Model Photographer:
I'll take small photos so you don't have to smile so wide.
Dear Private Vasya! I am sending you, as you requested, my photo. Sorry, only to the waist! And below we all have the same.
I am three years old in this photo.
Oh, it turns out that you had a bald head in infancy?
No, you turned the picture upside down!
The blonde from the podium shouts into the audience:
Remove the photographer immediately! With his long and thick lens, he interferes with the flow of my thoughts!
Stop a moment! I will change the card, replace the lens and battery!
Will I be a fashion model?
Photocopy only.
Today in the photo studio "Bird" a bird really flew out of the camera lens. The child laughed and clapped, the photographer fell unconscious and was taken away by an ambulance. The security services took over the camera.
When checking the camera, the bird flew out again, but when it saw the major, it returned back.
Photographer:
And now, beauty, show deep thoughtfulness on your face. I'll help you now: what is 8 times 7?
Many faces on the negative look positive.
How is it that in the photographs of your photo studio everyone laughs so naturally and naturally?
Oh, if you could see our photographer!
Two photographers are walking with cameras. Do not take your eyes off the viewfinders, take pictures. Suddenly one tripped and fell to the ground. The second one falls right next to it:
Excellent position! What are we filming?
I can disfigure anyone with one finger!
Oh, do you know karate?
No, I'm a photographer!
A man comes to a photo studio, and there is a girl photographer. He undresses and says:
Take an erotic photo of me.
We don't do macro photography.
A photographer walks along the seashore.
A woman chases him:
Quicker! My friend is drowning! - screams.
Sorry, - the photographer smiles guiltily, - but my card is already filled out ...
If the photo album is thin and very small, and the picture is one and ugly - this is a passport!
The photographer shoots the wedding for a long time and finally proclaims:
And now, finally, I want to capture the happiest couple.
The guests are at a loss: hundreds of photographs have already been taken.
The bride and her mother, - explains the photographer.
The client, receiving her photo in a photo studio, swears:
Who is it? Look scary!
Look at yourself in the mirror! – the photographer says offendedly.
Reshoot!
In the morning, the photographer issues a new photo.
Fine! You can if you want!
Sure you can. This is a picture of my assistant in a gas mask, - the photographer grumbles in response.
I recently found out: a photo for memory and a photo on paper are two big differences!
At the photographer:
Mr photographer, this is not my photo.
How is it, yours, and it seems that it turned out.
Well, it's not my nose.
In fact, it doesn't look like you.
And this mole! Where is this mole on my face? Not!
Hm, really, no.
And then this old one, and I'm young. This one lies in a coffin, and I'm still alive.
Mr. photographer, I'm with my daughter, I just want to warn you, she has a squint.
It's okay, we'll align the eyes.
But she's very naughty.
We will press the ears.
She's missing teeth.
Let's draw the teeth. By the way, if it's not a secret, why are you photographing her?
Isn't it clear? For a passport! Who will marry her without a passport?
Chukchi are removed for a passport. The photographer cheated, took one photo and distributed it to everyone. One Chukchi says:
The photo is definitely not mine.
The photographer was genuinely surprised:
Are your eyes?
Is this nose yours?
Your face?
So why isn't this your photo?
The jacket is not mine.
A geographer is assigned to photograph a large forest fire. But due to the large smoke on the ground, good shots did not work out, and he calls the editorial office with a request to rent a small plane for him. The editor-in-chief assures that the plane will be waiting for him at the local airfield. And indeed, in the morning, having reached the airfield, he sees an airplane standing on the runway and warming up the engines. Excited to get started, the photographer jumps in with his many cameras and shouts to the pilot:
Forward, forward, fly!
The pilot accelerates the plane and they take off.
Fly to the north side of the fire, the photographer tells the pilot, and make three or four approaches at low altitude.
What for? he asks.
Then I have to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and all photographers take pictures! - the photographer is annoyed.
After a long pause, the pilot says:
Are you saying you're not a flight instructor?
Once a photographer took a picture of actress Greta Garbo. She didn't like the picture very much.
What happened to you all of a sudden? Last time you photographed me so well, but here I don’t look like myself at all!
Oh,” said the photographer, smiling sadly, “then I was twenty-five years younger.
Whoever found a passport in the name of Vasily Vasilyevich Popin, a big request not to laugh at my
Photograph.
Citizens! Use the urgent phototelegraph to send money. In one hour, the addressee will receive an exact photocopy of your money!
The old woman brought a portrait of her late husband to the photo studio.
Can you make more of it?
No problem madam.
Can you take off your hat?
Certainly. Please describe what hairstyle he had.
What for? You'll see when you take your hat off his head.
Mr. photographer, do you take pictures of the blind?
Not? For the blind, we already have ready-made photographs.
After a friendly party, one of its participants, a photographer by profession, brings a friend to his studio.
Dr-r-roo... w... w... now!.. Can you m-make me a group... photo... graphic?
Of course! P-please... get up half-bow-ru-gom!
Seven Chinese people come to the photo studio, stand - three below, and four on their shoulders, then vice versa - four below, and three on their shoulders.
The stunned photographer, having done his job, asks:
Are you an acrobat?
No, why do you think so! It's just that one of us was told to bring a photo for documents, but he forgot which one, either 3x4 or 4x3.
The police sent to all stations a picture of the wanted criminal from seven angles. Some time later, a coded message was received from one precinct: "Six have been arrested, the seventh is being monitored."
Private Petrenko received a letter from his girlfriend. He said that he met another and asks to return her photo. Petrenko grieved, then collected all the unnecessary photographs of women from the whole company and sent them to the girl with a note:
"Honey, unfortunately I can't remember which one you are.
Please leave your photo and send the rest back to me."
"New Russian" bought a photo studio. He advertised in the newspaper: "A fashion model is required for erotica. An hour of work is 10,000 bucks!"
Many applicants came, one was selected. Photographed for 3 hours. Then the owner comes out and announces:
Payment on the spot, in cash. Hey, photographer, how many times did you click?
One hundred and twenty frames.
What exposure did you set?
One five hundredth of a second.
The owner turns to the fashion model:
Well, you, in kind, didn’t even work for half a second ...
Sarah Bernhardt and Elizabeth Taylor pose for the photographer: One:
Lift your chin up, dear... Other: -You too, especially the second one!
If you think you didn't turn out well in a picture, don't rush to throw it away. Just take it out in 20 years and your opinion will change dramatically.
One day, after a photo shoot, the photographer was invited to dinner at the customer's, he took the finished work with him to give it to the client. The customer's wife, seeing the photos, exclaimed: What wonderful photos! You definitely have a very expensive camera. The photographer did not answer, but as he went home he said: Thank you so much, the dinner was amazingly prepared. You must have very expensive pans.
At the international photography competition called "Gulf of Finland" won the picture, which depicts a Finn drinking vodka from a bottle right out of the neck on the Neva embankment.
Photo-Lefty: On a 1x1 pixel image, a pixel managed to fit his name and a photo of the woman he loves...
As soon as you notice that you look like your passport photo, you urgently need a vacation.
Photomodel competition. The organizer enters the hall and calls the names of three models:
Ivanenko, Petrenko, Sidorenko...
Me, me too, me too ... - another one asked, bouncing.
The organizer looked at her carefully:
Okay, so are you. Get out of here immediately!
