Greed is like a disease. Pathological stinginess. What to do if you realize that your husband is a greedy person
The core of a person’s personality is formed during the process of growing up. During this period, pathological greed manifests itself, which interferes with living and building harmonious relationships. The concept implies the desire to possess something that other people cannot take away.
Greed as a phenomenon
Greed is the desire to possess certain goods that no one can encroach on. This is a desire to protect value (it is perceived as the main goal of existence, work) from the outside world. The stronger the feeling, the more clearly the defensive reaction manifests itself: the person shows aggression or experiences severe fear.
Stinginess, as a reluctance to share, has several manifestations:
- a person withdraws into himself (he protects his wealth from any outsider);
- the personality is fixated on accumulating or preserving this benefit;
- the behavior of the individual changes when it comes to spending or the need to share something, she shows her worst character traits.
The essence of stinginess is the desire to get something that the human psyche perceives as good. Something of value, even if others do not perceive such an object in that way.
The concept of pathological greed
A person develops; from early childhood, basic character traits are formed. During this same period, the child learns to perceive the world around him. Through parents or close circle, the baby identifies every event, material thing or concept. The concept of value is formed - this is an object that is valued more than other things. The child not only understands that such a thing should be placed above the rest, but also forms a reaction to the event when the thing is lost.
Parents teach children to part with the good; they set the right priorities: for work a person receives a reward, which he part with if necessary. The pathology associated with greed arises against the background of incorrect perception.
The child does not understand that his reaction is incorrect. He cannot change it on his own, because manifestations caused by mental disorders are perceived as something natural. A pathological type of greed is a permanent human condition, which is associated with complex psycho-emotional reactions. It's difficult to get rid of it.
Hoarding in a woman
Greed is the desire to possess something, without which life seems meaningless. Gradually, such a negative reaction turns into instinct. A person feels that he must acquire value, otherwise he will not be able to become happy.
He does not think about why such a need arose, which is why the final goal does not justify the means of obtaining it. For women, learning to understand this condition is even more difficult. Unlike men, they are not used to analyzing what is happening.
A woman wants something that will calm her inner anxiety. The object of desire itself is not so important. She cannot part with the value: psychologically she got the thing with great difficulty. A girl begins to be greedy from early childhood if love, care, tenderness materialize.
This happens when parents try to pay off their child: instead of caring and basic manifestations of love, they shower him with gifts. At a subconscious level, a stable attitude develops that the girl deserves only this. For this reason, a woman in adulthood tries to get any desired thing, and having acquired it, she fiercely defends the value.
Other reasons for female greed
A woman seeks to protect her acquired wealth if she grew up in poverty. The complex pushes people to inexplicable actions. The more she can get, the more of this good she needs.
Desires are never fulfilled at one's own expense - this is another important aspect of the pathological type of poverty. A woman tries to receive benefits from other people as proof of love or care for her. A lady with a poverty complex saves because she is afraid to again find herself in the role of a victim, a defenseless girl.
Manifestations of properties in men
In most cases, a man is greedy for money. This is a certain stable character trait that prevents him from succeeding in his chosen business or starting a family. A special attitude is being formed towards people greedy for money in modern society. Such traits are condemned as a conscious choice of a person (pathological greed is a consequence of a mental disorder over which there is no control).
The main manifestations of greed in an adult man:
- wants to receive something from the outside (usually in a ready-made, formed form, so that he does not have to work with the value);
- wants to present the value received as an asset: only he could deserve it;
- tries to fill the internal insufficiency, to cover it with things.
Due to the peculiarities of the male psyche, greed is combined with increased aggression. He does not consider it necessary to make excuses, and incorrect attitudes acquire plausible reasons over time; he knows why he strives to constantly receive something.
As wealth accumulates, the fear of losing it increases. Internal tension increases, the worst qualities of character appear: the man does not allow people to approach him, thinks that everyone wants to use him and take away his benefits in a fraudulent way. All his attention is concentrated only on not losing external attributes (they cover up internal shortcomings).
In psychology, greed is associated with the desire to hide, to hide shortcomings and one’s own inferiority, so one of its reasons is low self-esteem and self-doubt.
Habits of a greedy person
Greedy people are difficult to deal with. They cannot stop saving, even though there is no obvious reason for this. Greedy people are afraid to get close to others; it seems to them that every stranger is a thief or a traitor.
They also fear that internal problems will become apparent. Often even unpretentious and undemanding women do not get along with greedy people. Over the years, stinginess develops into mania, which is accompanied by severe paranoia.
Against the backdrop of growing consumer needs (a person needs more and more goods), the desire to hide from the rest of the world increases. Greedy people can lead a reclusive life and avoid communication. They lose social adaptation and choose voluntary imprisonment.
Fighting the Obsession with Goods
Fighting greed is very difficult. The more a person lives with such a problem, the more ingrained it becomes (the individual perceives greed as part of his character).
How to get rid of greed:
- acknowledge the problem;
- conduct a deep psychoanalysis;
- use hypnotherapy;
- do auto training.
Recognizing the problem is the first step towards recovery. Psychologists and psychotherapists will quickly tell you how to overcome greed. Deep psychoanalysis will quickly help. This technique will allow you to overcome the root cause of the problem. This is a simple way to help you get rid of your mental set. Psychoanalysis is carried out on the basis of general symptoms: the general condition of the patient is examined.
Hypnotherapy for problem solving
Hypnotherapy works according to the following principle: a person is put into a trance, mental defenses are reduced, and work is carried out directly with the subconscious. In such a state of personality, any concept can be instilled. This attitude is perceived as a natural, correct idea generated by the brain. Hypnotherapy helps overcome any statement that corrects the behavior of a man or woman.
Conclusion
Greed for money is the desire to have value. A person cannot and does not want to enjoy it or use it for its intended purpose. What is more important to him is the fact that the good belongs to him. The pathological condition develops at any age and affects the behavior or habits of the individual. Children, men and women suffer from greed. Stinginess has its accompanying symptoms.
Prudence, stinginess, tight-fistedness, greed, greed... We encounter these phenomena of reality every day. Miserliness, rapacity and gluttony have taken over all spheres of life. Doctors refer unfortunate patients to useless, expensive examinations and prescribe unreasonably expensive medicines. Sellers maliciously shortchange their customers by selling them low-quality goods that come at a hefty price. Bureaucratic officials brazenly extort bribes from entrepreneurs, creating obstacles in their work. Elite lawyers deliberately delay litigation, winning huge sums for fictitious services. Teachers put a spoke in the wheel of poor students, demanding a bribe for signing a record book. This list can be continued indefinitely - a horde of thousands of greedy thieves strives to extract the last penny from the pockets of the poor.
What motivates greedy gluttonous predators? Hypertrophied greed is a trait that has existed since prehistoric times of human existence. Greed is an evil, gluttonous and insatiable old woman who takes over a person’s mind. Stinginess and greed control the human mind, destroy moral laws and push them to a criminal path. Greed is a pathological sinful passion that creates for a person one aspiration: to take possession, hold, increase. Read on to learn more about what greed is and what are the causes of greed and stinginess.
Greed: what is the essence of vice
What is greed? This is a person’s immoderate passion to take possession and consume some benefits. Greed is a craving that arose at a conscious level and became entrenched in the subconscious as a habit. This is a consequence of a person’s natural desire for competition and a negative echo of unhealthy competition in the human community.
In the original understanding of the term, greed is a person’s hypertrophied thirst to become the owner of any benefits. Greed also has a positive beginning, when a person longs to acquire knowledge, skills, and mastery. However, in most cases, greed is an excessive passion for material wealth, especially for those benefits that a person does not have. This is an obsessive need to gain some benefit and gain an advantage over other people. Greed is a pathological personality quality and a very active trait that forces a person to actively move to acquire material wealth.
Greed has many related sinful phenomena: stinginess, greed, self-interest. However, they all have slight differences. A greedy person strives to get as much as possible; a stingy person tries to spend as little as possible. A greedy person has both disadvantages. Therefore, it can be argued that the formula for greed is greed plus stinginess.
What is the essence of greed? The main signs of a greedy and stingy miser:
Greed has a fundamental difference from such human qualities as frugality and thrift. A thrifty person uses available goods sparingly and can differentiate useful investments from meaningless expenses. A greedy person suffers from a pathological reluctance to part with money, even if the purchase of some items is a vital expense.
Why greed arises: the origins of vice
What makes a person greedy? It turns out that tight-fistedness and stinginess took root in distant times of human history, when primitive homo sapiens experienced a clear shortage of resources to satisfy natural needs. They were forced to compete and fight for a piece of meat. They had to fight to find a place to stay for the night. Primitive man was forced to compete with his fellow tribesmen in order to have the best female, capable of giving birth to healthy offspring. He had to extract and protect his goods with the passion of a predator.
Therefore, it can be argued that the ground for the formation of greed in a contemporary was laid by his distant ancestors. That is, the germs of greed were sown a long time ago and were passed on to the present person at the genetic level. The hypothesis of such unfavorable heredity is confirmed by close observation of the behavior of children. Young children often do not want to part with their favorite toys, do not want to share them, and throw tantrums in order to get the desired item.
With the emergence of commodity-money relations, greed underwent a number of changes. With the advent of money, human greed and stinginess were aimed at possessing and increasing financial capital. A manic passion for wealth took possession of the minds of ordinary people and began to rule the state. The worldview of the human community has changed radically. Now the rich, wealthy, and authoritative rule the roost, while mere mortals find themselves on the margins of life.
The fact that being rich is good and being poor is bad is something a person absorbs with his mother’s milk. If a child grows up in a low-income family, he sees how his parents save, save, save for a rainy day, counting every penny. If a child is raised by wealthy gentlemen, then he notices all the shortcomings of his ancestors in relation to money.
Greed can develop in a child with the wrong educational strategy. These are situations when caring parents overindulge their offspring, satisfying his every lust. Or, on the contrary, the child grows up in eternal need, experiencing a lack of parental attention and care. When he is forced to share his mother's love with his many brothers and sisters.
Greed: what leads to an exorbitant thirst for enrichment
Pathological greed incinerates a person from the inside and rewards him with unpleasant neurological defects. A greedy person, as a rule, has an accelerated heart rate and rapid breathing. His greed strains all the muscles of the skeletal muscles. A common problem for people with excessive greed is surges in blood pressure. As a result, such vegetative defects lead to somatic problems - hypertension, cardiopathy, problems in the digestive tract.
Greed completely changes the psychological portrait of a person. A characteristic feature of stingy and greedy people is suspicion and envy. They are wary of the people around them. These are unfriendly and uncompromising individuals who rarely have friends and are unhappy in their marriages. Greed is a common cause of disagreements and quarrels in the family. Very often it is the stinginess of the spouse that is the reason for divorce. Greed can turn a person into an outcast, since adequate people do not want to communicate with such a flawed personality.
Greedy people are particularly sadistic and cruel. They are prone to depraved acts. Greedy people often suffer from obsessive fears. Parting with their hard-earned pennies leads them into a state of protracted deep depression. A sudden deterioration in the financial situation of greedy people can push them to commit suicide.
Often, greed is the reason why a person breaks the law and commits serious crimes. For the sake of personal gain, a greedy individual is capable of betraying, stealing, robbing, deceiving and killing. Greed is the reason for numerous frauds and scams. Guided by this feeling, people begin to take bribes and become extortionists. As a result, this pathological feeling brings a person to the dock.
How to overcome greed: getting rid of vice
Is it possible to eradicate greed in yourself when the thirst to become the owner of the world incinerates you? The answer is banal - it is possible and necessary! Man is the creator of his own personality and the master of his own destiny. And everyone, even the predatory little thief, has the power to overcome his insatiable greed and turn into a generous nature. How to overcome greed? We follow the advice of psychologists.
Step 1
To get rid of greed, you need to develop a correct understanding of reality. Eliminate destructive perception of reality. Change erroneous and harmful beliefs.
We should recognize that all the material benefits that we strive to acquire, hold, and increase are temporary possessions given for the duration of a short human life. All the wealth of the world is a castle built of sand, which can be destroyed in an instant by an incoming wave. All the grains of sand of the fortress, which we had difficulty collecting, can be carried away irrevocably into the endless ocean in a matter of seconds.
Everything that we have accumulated in life - money, jewelry, shares and other material goods - will not follow us into the other world. However, we are able to leave a lasting mark on history, consisting of our generous actions and good deeds.
Step 2
Every time we are overcome by an attack of greed, we need to stop and think: what will be the price for our irrepressible greed. Most likely, our thirst to possess something turns into suffering, pain, and poverty for others. We should think about whether our next acquisition is worth someone else's tears, worries, and grievances.
And these painful experiences of others because of our greed are aimed specifically at us. Can we feel happy and content when they hate us, despise us, and wish us death? It is unlikely that a harmonious life will develop for the rich man who surrounds himself with platinum bars and vegetates, not encountering any human warmth, but feeling only the coldness of the metal. We remember that you can only find harmony with yourself and the world around you by getting rid of passions.
Step 3
Greed clouds at once and makes the creature a zombified slave of money. Such a captive person can easily cross the bar of what is permitted and break the law. Overcome by greed, an individual is capable of stealing, abducting, deceiving, even killing. And there is only one penalty for such atrocities - a prison sentence. It is not always possible for a greedy rich man to come to an agreement with Themis and bribe the judges. And it’s unlikely that it will be cozy and pleasant to exist somewhere in a prison cell, even if there is an amount with six zeros in a Swiss bank account.
Step 4
To overcome our own greed, we must be patient. Selfishness is a terrible habit that will not leave a compliant soul of its own free will. We act gradually. First, we arrange a ceremony of cleansing personal space. We take out the trash from the house, distribute things that are useless to us to people in need, and get rid of piles of unnecessary clothes and shoes. How to determine what is necessary belongings and what is useless garbage? We open the wardrobe, review the wardrobe, leaving only those things that we have used over the past year.
We do the same with dishes, equipment, and gadgets. We are unlikely to need five televisions in a two-room apartment. We definitely won't be using ten mobile phones at the same time. And it’s unlikely that we will be able to drive twenty cars. Is the toad strangling to give it away for free? You can outwit your greed. We advertise for sale on Internet sites, setting the minimum price for the product. This way we will get money and get rid of unnecessary things.
Step 5
To get rid of greed, we should develop compassion in ourselves. Lead a life full of kindness, compassion, love. It is caring for neighbors, helping the disadvantaged, caring for the poor that brings a feeling of satisfaction, allows you to feel like a necessary, useful, worthy person. Actions for the benefit of others improve your own self-esteem and fill you with feelings of pride and self-respect.
But in such actions it is necessary to avoid mistakes. We need to address our help specifically to worthy people who really need something. To those we can save. If we give an alcoholic a bottle of vodka from our master's shoulder, then we will only bring his death closer. If we simply transfer money to some charitable foundation, it is unclear whether it is really working or fictitious, then we will only feel bewilderment, not understanding who we helped and how exactly.
Therefore, you should select a specific object for guardianship. This could be a lonely old woman whose pension is not enough to pay for medicine. To overcome greed, we can start taking care of an orphan from an orphanage. Or become sponsors of an educational institution that is always experiencing a shortage of everything.
Step 6
To stop being greedy, we should learn not only to allocate our material benefits to someone. We need to selflessly share our moral assets, knowledge, experience, skills, and mastery with others.
We can volunteer to care for a frail disabled person. We can help a volunteer organization for free. We can become a charity worker. Those who have knowledge in some narrow specialization are able to help low-income students with tutoring. The realization that you are helping people and sharing your inner wealth with them is a reliable assistant for eradicating greed.
Step 7
To overcome greed, we must get rid of attachment to the material results of labor. Don’t expect that as a result of the next transaction we will hit a big jackpot. Don't plan on getting a promotion at work to become a source of high salary. Do not harbor insidious plans that a cunningly conceived deception of the state will help avoid paying taxes and allow you to increase your capital.
Whatever work we do, we must learn to receive satisfaction from the process of activity itself, and not expect to receive a reward for our work. Thus, we will kill two birds with one stone - we will get rid of greed and become a truly happy person who feels in seventh heaven every day.
Step 8
To eradicate greed, you need to introduce healthy pleasures into your life. Do not spare money on your development, education, and leisure. Every person needs to expand their horizons: travel, attend exhibitions and performances, watch films and engage in their favorite hobbies.
Have you long dreamed of going down the slopes at a ski resort or scuba diving near coral reefs, but you were short on money? We step over our greed and buy a ticket to a famous resort. An unusual vacation, new experiences will bring a boost of energy and help you feel like a happy, generous person who exudes his warmth to those around him.
Step 9
To get rid of greed, remember the rule: what goes around comes around. Regarding money, this axiom also works: the more money you spend, the more material benefits you will receive. Therefore, you should not be afraid to invest capital in promising business projects. There is no need to deny yourself pleasures, especially saving on food and health. You need to pamper yourself and give gifts to your loved ones. Therefore, we consciously increase our spending.
Instead of an afterword
To eradicate greed, you must always remember: the world around us is full of abundance. Reality is generous with benefits and riches. There are inexhaustible sources of opportunities and resources around. There is enough material wealth for everyone, so you shouldn’t take away the last from poor people.
"Money will become Caesar" (Thomas Mann)
Franklin Lawson, who lived in a squalid shack on the outskirts of Kansas City, always behaved like a simple American beggar. The old man lived on alms that he begged at gas stations and stores. Various charitable organizations supplied Franklin with clothes and shoes. At the age of 73, Mr. Lawson left this world. The orderlies and police officers who arrived to take the body to the morgue saw a little green piece of paper sticking out of the wretched mattress under the deceased. Out of curiosity, they pulled it out - it turned out that it was a 100 dollar bill. They tore open the mattress and gasped: there were dollars hidden in it. Since the tight-fisted old man left no heirs, the money went to the municipal fund, and from there - to help the poor. It is possible that the same as Mr. Franklin.
The same case was described by psychiatrists in the early 70s of the last century in Alma-Ata (Almaty), in Kazakhstan, only the mattress was stuffed with paper banknotes from Stalin times, reflecting Khrushchev's monetary reform and ending the Brezhnev stagnation period.
“Man’s desire for possession is an expression of animal instinct” (Ardrey)
Another striking example: in 1977, when I was just beginning to master psychiatry, working as an intern at the Chimkent Psychiatric City Hospital, I came across the following case: a 63-year-old woman, left without family and friends, who had been under observation for 20 years in this dispensary for organic brain damage and pathological hoarding, and for social reasons, registered for care in a boarding home, it was necessary to take her from her apartment to a new place of residence. What did we see in the apartment of the “miserly knight” in a skirt? Her two-room apartment, including the kitchen, was filled from floor to ceiling with old, unnecessary, broken things: radios, sewing machines, refrigerators, washing machines, baby strollers, bicycles, boxes and drawers of various sizes and modifications. It was possible to get into the apartment only through a narrow hole-tunnel and through it one could only get to the owner’s rookery (it was difficult to call it a bed). For many years, with manic persistence and constancy, this sick woman collected discarded things from all the surrounding garbage dumps at night and “stuffed” her apartment with this junk.
“People strive in life not to do what they consider good, but to call as many things as their own” (L.N. Tolstoy).
The first studies of the brains of people suffering from Plyushkin syndrome were carried out at the University of California, which revealed the activity of the “zone of stinginess”, such a zone was found in the frontal lobe of the brain, next to the “zone of conscience”. Pathological hoarding, morbid stinginess - these disorders were clinically classified as anxiety-obsessive disorders. But this activity of the brain with Plyushkin syndrome differed from the activity of brain areas that is observed in the general group of patients with anxiety-obsessive disorders.
And indeed, a little later, American scientists from the University of Iowa found that the region is responsible for the tendency of some people to hoard completely unnecessary things, reports BBS News.
Dr. Steven Anderson and his colleagues examined 13 people who had a habit of accumulating a lot of unnecessary things in their homes, such as broken electrical appliances, old advertising brochures, and did not want to part with even part of their “collection.” They developed a similar condition after suffering a brain injury, as a result of which the frontal lobe of the brain suffered.
The researchers compared computed tomography (CT) scans of 13 subjects with CT scans of another 73 traumatic brain injury patients who were not observed hoarding useless items. All 13 subjects showed damage to the right side of the frontal lobe of the brain. There was no such damage in the control group.
Anxiety specialist Naomi Fineberg says the research suggests that hoarding may have a different nature than other types of anxiety disorders and may help lead the way in finding a treatment for the condition.
However, Professor Paul Salkovskis from the Institute of Psychiatry at King's College, London, said the findings do not prove that the disorder is caused by brain damage. In his opinion, only psychotherapy can help such patients.
Anxiety disorders also include other types of compulsions - for example, patients may experience a constant desire to wash their hands, count objects, or, when leaving the house, check an infinite number of times whether all electrical appliances are turned off. (Source: Mednovosti.Ru)
According to my observations, in many cases in patients with “Plyushkin syndrome” according to the classification of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in the fourth edition (DSM-IV), the Conscientious type (epileptoids) predominates in the personality structure.
An anecdote on the topic: “Doctor, prescribe me a medicine for greed and more, more. ".
But seriously, there is no cure for greed. If an organic brain lesion is diagnosed, and pathological stinginess is one of the manifestations of this lesion, then treatment is selected based on the nature of this lesion and symptoms. Let's leave this task to psychiatrists, neurologists and neurosurgeons. If we accept the concept of psychosomatics, then, for example, “Plyushkin syndrome” very often accompanies prostate damage in men.
Socrates was told about a certain person that travel did not improve him at all. “I readily believe,” said Socrates, “after all, he carried himself with him.” “Why should we look for lands illuminated by a different sun? How can an exile escape from himself?!” - Horace exclaims.
History knows many ways to combat all-consuming greed: desert living, mendicant orders, cells, exposing the insatiable and ridiculing the selfish...
If only the psychological aspect is a manifestation of pathological stinginess, then the work will first of all be aimed at understanding the hidden motives of such behavior:
1. Money as an instrument of power; It happens that a person, far from being greedy by nature, manages and controls his loved ones (wife, children) with the help of this instrument, and this gives him great pleasure. For example, a breadwinner husband uses them to control his wife’s behavior. Outwardly, they are amazingly stingy and give their wife a pittance for household expenses. Sometimes, on the contrary, they are generous and dress their wife like a doll. But at the same time, the woman herself has practically no pocket money, and she must ask her husband for any little thing.
That is, in any case, the wife is completely dependent on the man, the head of the family, and she is constantly reproached: since I earn so much money, then you could take better care of me and do more housework. There can be many quibbles, sometimes they are fair, sometimes not, but there is only one conclusion: a woman who considers herself an independent person cannot put up with this state of affairs for long. Here's remedy number one: divorce. Just like the “dandruff guillotine”. If the “miserly knight” begins to realize and understand his pathological stinginess as a form of behavioral addiction, and is also afraid of losing his wife, then you can work on this problem. An internal conflict arises that requires resolution. Here, as they say, options are possible.
However, excessive stinginess is the same abnormal and painful phenomenon as frivolous wastefulness. This is a personality defect when money replaces everything: the joys of life and human feelings, and puts an insurmountable barrier between the miser and the people around him.
In “The Stingy Knight,” Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin compares pathological stinginess and hoarding in terms of the power of mania with the voluptuousness of sadists:
Doctors assure us: there are people
Those who find pleasure in killing.
When I put the key in the lock, the same
I feel what I should feel
They are stabbing the victim with a knife: nice
And scary together.
Do you know the Midas phenomenon? The god Dionysus endowed the king of the Phrygians with the ability to turn any objects into gold with his touch. So what? And the fact that the gift turned out to be fatal: the food he took in his hands turned into gold. On this occasion, Ovid wrote in “Metamorphoses”: “Struck by this unexpected misfortune, both rich and poor at the same time, he longs to flee his treasures and hates what he hungered for.”
Clinical observation: Husband Evgeniy, 58 years old, a large entrepreneur, wife Elena, 40 years old. This was Elena’s first marriage, her husband’s second. Evgeniy gave his sons from his first marriage an apartment each. The external impression for people is of a generous and caring father. But within the family, Evgeniy controlled every step, giving out money for everyday expenses only if there were receipts, demanding an account for every crown spent. This limited her in everything: in order to go to the hairdresser or consult her daughter with the family doctor, this required special permission from her husband. All attempts to involve her husband in psychological work on his problem were rejected, since Evgeniy did not recognize the problem itself and considered it “fictional.” And yet a cure was found, and a radical one: divorce. Elena left with her daughter to live with her parents and returned to her old job, having run out of patience with being bullied.
“Ambition, greed, indecision, fear, desires,” writes Montaigne, “do not leave a person with a change of place. They pursue him even in the monastery, even in the refuge of philosophy. Neither the desert, nor even the rocks, nor the hair shirt (rope) gets rid of them.”
2. Money as a means of suppression. In this version, someone who uses money in this way can safely be called a domestic tyrant. Adult children or a husband can earn money, but it still ends up in the hands of a tyrant. Tyrants are stingy with regard to issuing pocket money, stingy with kindness, sympathy or understanding. These manifestations may be completely absent. Financially suppressed family members begin to resist: they are forced to make nest eggs, which makes the financial war in the family even more intense.
Tyrants, tight-fisted with money, force all household members to walk on a tightrope. Such suppression forces grown-up children to quickly leave their parents’ home when they graduate from school. Tyrant women's husbands usually slip into alcohol addiction. Moreover, stingy wives are unable to understand that the cause of all family troubles comes from their pathological stinginess.
Truly unselfish people never abuse the greedy - they simply do not know what it is. And self-interest loves to reproach...
3. Money as a means of saving. “The miser pays twice” - this folk wisdom puts malicious stingy people in their place in the best possible way. An example: the hunt begins with a newspaper advertisement, from which they learn that a certain coupon will give a 10% discount during a cheap sale on products or goods that you can do without. However, transportation costs are not taken into account. But to those stocks of soap or washing powder will be added a new batch, bought cheaply in a supermarket located on the other side of the city.
Such petty stinginess drives people crazy, eats up human feelings, and where there are no normal human feelings, the family cannot survive. If one of the spouses is stingy, then the other one in this family cannot be happy. Marriages break up precisely because of pathological stinginess. In addition, such a penny economy does not really help save money in the household.
Stinginess, as a behavioral addiction, distorts emotions, thinking, and also deforms character and personality. Moreover, this process progresses all the time, the degradation of personality deepens, which easily turns family life into hell. The whole difficulty in psychological help lies in the fact that the person susceptible to stinginess takes the first step in realizing his problem. Without this, pathological stinginess or hoarding cannot be practically psychologically corrected. If this first step is taken, then this dependency needs to be dealt with like any other dependency.
An alcoholic makes an excuse like this: “Everyone drinks and I will drink, alcohol doesn’t bother me at all, on the contrary, it helps me relax and get rid of stress.” Likewise, a stingy person explains his painful stinginess by frugality, the ability to save money, forethought and concern for his family.
Greed is the root of all evil. The highest wealth is the absence of greed. Stinginess dries out the soul. He who knows how to be content with little is rich. We are only poor in what we set our minds to. We are rich only when we do not lust for anything. These thoughts were expressed at different times by Chaucer, Seneca, Dumas, Goldoni, La Bruyère and others. The authors of all these aphorisms were very rich or frantically sought to get rich...
4. Money as a guarantee of protection. This is also an illusion. People of this orientation have a very difficult time paying their bills, often payments are overdue, and as a result they have to pay interest. In fact, it turns out that there is no guarantee of protection. They find it difficult to determine what is actually necessary and what they can really do without. They can spend a lot of money on food, making long-term stocks, which causes the food to spoil and have to be thrown away. But they save on their health, refusing to get examined, make visits to specialists, and save on health activities that help maintain their physical health at a satisfactory level.
“People consider money to be able to do everything, they themselves are able to do everything for money,” writes Buast and... makes a fortune.
5. Money as an “OT” movement, not a “K” movement. Here lies the fundamental difference in people’s attitudes towards material values. In the results of answers to the question: “What goal do you set in relation to material values?” more than 60 percent of respondents answered talking about what they do not want (debt, poverty, poverty, etc.) and then went on to list “what and how much is missing, what and how much is missing” (movement “FROM” problem to problem and leads and about 40 percent answered what they would like to achieve in life (movement “Toward” the goal leads to it).
People prone to stinginess limit themselves in everything, trying to preserve what they have (there is always not enough money). In this way they paralyze their initiative and live according to the residual principle. And what they have does not bring them a feeling of satisfaction. At the same time, money loses its meaning, even if there is a lot of it. Paradox! Even with material values, such people are unhappy. A classic example of the “OT Movement” from literature is the underground millionaire Koreiko from the immortal work of Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov “The Golden Calf”.
“Where there is a lot of money, there is always a ghost wandering around. Money is a curse. Millions received by inheritance or by some non-working method are just a source of disaster, and even rich philanthropists are unhappy,” Fontane declares and... becomes a millionaire.
Another hero is Ostap Bender, an internally free, generous, enterprising and purposeful person, he knows exactly his dream and actively strives for it. He is able to feel a state of happiness, he is able to love. And although the narrative ends with a scene of the defeat of the Great Schemer on the Romanian border, where he goes in order to realize his unrealizable myth about Rio de Janeiro. This is an example of “Moving “Toward” a goal.”
The absolute majority - consciously or unconsciously - wants to achieve material well-being, wants to get rich. Not everyone succeeds in this, but this is the key reason for the viability of healthy societies, so to speak, Ohm’s social law. And violation of this law by all types of equalization is the cause of the decline of a society that ignores this law.
“Have needs, and therefore satisfy them, for you have the same rights as the noblest and richest people. Do not be afraid to satisfy them, but even increase them - this is the current teaching of the world. This is what they see as freedom. And what comes from this right to increase needs? The rich have solitude and spiritual suicide, and the poor have envy and murder, because they have given rights, but have not yet indicated the means to satisfy their needs” (F. Dostoevsky).
The desire for good is good because it is natural. It becomes evil only when it turns into mania, in the desire to walk over corpses. But the latter is possible only in wild and poor societies, and not in cultured and rich ones. In cultural societies where there is law and order, predation itself closes the path to wealth.
In the Reiki tradition, there are three levels of initiation, each of which is self-sufficient and does not require the next one. reiki school Kyiv
The man has pathological stinginess. Is a relationship possible?
Pathological stinginess gradually eats away relationships from the inside... How long will such relationships last?
I would not get involved with such a person, because I do not accept such a quality as greed in people. I can’t imagine how you can live in a marriage with a person who will count every penny I spend (even if I earned it myself) and count how much money I ate, like that mole from Thumbelina.
I’ll say that most likely it won’t last long and I’ll give you an example of a friend of mine. About three years ago, she met (as it seemed to her) the ideal prince, created just for her. There were beautiful courtships, gifts, etc. But soon, when the relationship reached a new level and they began to live together, she began to notice a strange feature in him - greed in literally everything. He hid money from her, allowed her to use the TV no more than two hours a day, renew her things no more than once every three months, and then they were second-hand, it even got to the point of being ridiculous that he forced her to stretch out one bottle of shampoo for two months, that is, for her such The relationship has become a real hell. And after thinking about all this, she broke up with him and did the right thing, now she is married to a truly worthy man and is happy. But this, of course, is an individual case, maybe you won’t go to extremes, and your life partner will change.
Stinginess.
It is difficult to build a relationship with a stingy person. You either need to get used to it or just adapt to it. That is, close your eyes if you love this person.
Not everyone can cope with such a vice. Over time, this will begin to get to the fullest. Usually, if the lady is stingy too, then it’s easier. But if a woman is kind and not greedy, then it is difficult to understand a man’s stinginess and this is annoying. If you don’t immediately irritate, then irritation will come very quickly and the relationship will break down.
Quite possible. Any man can be loved.
Moreover, there are also stingy women, such a man would be ideal.
In general, happiness does not lie in gifts. After all, stinginess does not interfere with treating a woman well and with respect, helping her in business, etc.
So, my answer is yes, a relationship is possible.
Stinginess is a very unpleasant trait in a person, which can be difficult to come to terms with and get along with.
It’s not always pleasant to realize that you are being saved and that they are constantly saving.
Come on, they want to direct theirs, but they also want to direct your honestly earned money in the right direction))
If a woman dates a stingy man, it means she sees her advantages in him. Maybe for her he is thrifty and homely, not a spendthrift or a reveler. He won’t drink, won’t lose, and won’t waste money on others. Be patient a little and she will inherit everything.
Plyushkin complex
They say that “Avarice is the capital of a fool.” What then can we say about stinginess and greed... According to American scientists, special areas of the frontal lobes of the cerebral cortex are responsible for the passion for collecting. Recent research by University of Iowa professor Stephen Andersen has shown that, due to damage to the frontal lobes, people who were not previously characterized by the passion for collecting, after a traumatic brain injury, encephalitis, or surgery on the frontal lobes of the brain, began to engage in “collecting” useless trash, and pathological greed became the main feature of their character.
This seemingly not yet elderly man, although he retired at the age of 55 due to many years of work as a psychoneurologist, was always distinguished by his love for women and collecting medical literature. For the first reason, he was legally married three times, and for the second, he was often left “penniless in his pocket” after purchasing another tome from second-hand booksellers.
“Book extravagance,” adjacent to a certain everyday stinginess, has always led to family conflicts and subsequent breakdowns in marital relations. Our hero also had another long-standing hobby - riding a racing bike. Until the age of 56, he drove it around the capital and region, escaping from yet another showdown of family relationships. Until I collided with a car. A severe traumatic brain injury followed with a fracture of the base of the skull. Then there was a long treatment and an equally long recovery.
It would seem that medicine has performed a miracle - there are no visible consequences of a traumatic brain injury, but there are not very visible, but very noticeable, and, moreover, growing consequences. The passion for collecting book medical rarities was quickly replaced by a passion for collecting all sorts of junk at flea markets and even in landfills. And the owner himself became sloppy and neglected, although on public transport, before sitting down, he carefully laid down a newspaper so as not to “get dirty and not pick up some kind of infection.”
His wife tolerated his eccentricities for less than a year. The last straw that overflowed the cup of her patience was an incident that occurred between her husband and his daughter from her first marriage. She was passing through Moscow, heading to Cheboksary, where, according to the quota, she was supposed to have a hip implantation. The woman did not have enough money, but her father categorically did not want to part with a single penny. Only at the insistence of his wife did he give his daughter “as much as 5 thousand (!) rubles from the family budget. And then from morning to evening he talked only about his own generosity. And also that it is the children who are obliged to provide financially for their elderly parents, and not vice versa.
Of course, the worst thing is if the prudence that was previously inherent in a person, or even more so, greed, becomes pathological. At the same time, it often coexists with stinginess and increasing degradation of personality. A striking example of this is the famous character N.V. Gogol from his immortal poem “Dead Souls” - Plyushkin. This name, or rather, this surname has become such a common noun that modern psychologists have named it one of the psychological complexes.
Let us remind you: the collector and keeper of old things, the stingy old landowner Stepan Plyushkin “walked every day along the street of his village, looked under the walkways, under the crossbars and everything that he came across: an old sole, a woman’s rag, an iron nail, a clay shard - everything dragged it to him and put it in the pile that Chichikov noticed in the corner of the room.”
Alas, little has changed in people since the time of Gogol, and Plyushkins can be found in almost any of the large city houses. Old men and women (and sometimes younger people) carry various types of garbage home, resisting with all their might the attempts of their family to get rid of this rubbish. This category of people is affected by pathological greed. Experts now regard it as a mental disorder that mainly affects older people. They are prone to “collecting”, to accumulating obsolete items that no one needs. They are usually indifferent to their appearance and the order in their own apartment, extremely messy and devoid of shame. But, trembling over their “treasures,” they resist any attempts to tidy up their room, suspecting that they may be robbed. They are suspicious and often come into conflict with family, friends and neighbors. And, of course, “you can’t beg snow from such people in winter.”
N.V. Gogol does not write what preceded the degradation of the personality of the landowner Plyushkin. He only mentions that “there was a time when he was just a thrifty owner. He was married and a family man, and a neighbor stopped by to have lunch with him, listen and learn from him about housekeeping and wise stinginess...” Modern psychologists believe that pathological greed may be inherent in people with an anxiety-dependent, sadistic and antisocial personality structure. A high level of anxiety (which gives rise to the habit of saving for a rainy day), and a desire to increase self-esteem (“with money I am above others!”), sadism (“I can afford it, but you can’t”; or “ask me nicely.” , humiliate yourself”) - all these are manifestations of a person’s psychological ill-health. Such a person has no interaction with himself, he is consumed by fear of life and of other people. He sees only the dark side of life in everything, and for him everything is displaced - it seems to him that everyone around him is greedy. For some people, a pathological passion for hoarding takes the form of an almost narcotic addiction to money. And therefore they show intolerance towards those who do not know how to save and “do not understand why this needs to be done.”
Alas, no cure has been invented for pathological greed. But if life can make a simply greedy person think that “something is wrong” with him, this may become his first step towards self-correction. If such a person does not have a family, it would be nice for him to start helping the people around him in some way (and not necessarily immediately with money).
Family Plyushkin needs, having broken himself, to simply start inviting guests to his place more often. Especially on any more or less significant holidays. Or, if he has children, do not interfere with their friendship with other children, invite these children to your house more often, seat them at a common table with your children and give them at least small gifts. In general, you need to start taking some first steps. And at the same time, do not forget to look critically at yourself through the eyes of an objective outside observer!
Well, those suffering from pathological greed already need not only qualified psychological correction, but often appropriate drug treatment.
Is pathological greed just a character trait or a mental illness? it's about
and in his life, reluctantly, he sets strict limits on expenses in certain cases, for example, a gift to a friend for a thousand rubles. and somehow complies with them. but everything from above just kills him?
If a person has an undeveloped late layer as a result of mutations, poor heredity or various other factors, or is partially lost (physical trauma, illness), then accordingly all his primitive urges are “untied”; this is what religion calls “gluttony.” This can be traced in old people , late formations of brain cells, they are most susceptible to destruction, therefore, in old age, many fall into insanity, excessive appetite, greed, stinginess, hyper sexuality, cruelty, etc. This is also clearly observed in many Jews, as a result of poor heredity (it’s not for nothing that everyone knows that Jews are greedy and stingy, lustful, and it doesn’t even depend on age) it is greed that does not allow Jews to exist in peace, the extraction of money, the desire for a high, brings them to manic state, which can ultimately make them rich, and give a false impression of their mythical mind. this is also evident from the way they communicate, confused conversational speech, answering a question with a question, or the answer to a question that is not in the question, or there is simply nothing to talk about, (confused consciousness) that the same thing is explained by them with an allegedly special mind.
They don’t yet know how to cure errors in DNA.
I had a loved one with this diagnosis, all attempts to cure him were useless, everything related to new acquisitions or gifts was very painful. Although he had everything in order with money, a stable business, a stable income. What can I say, he became a vegetarian only because he believed that it was an unaffordable luxury to spend money on a product like meat. .
Greedy
Let's get to know each other!
Stinginess, miserliness, hoarding... The words are different, but the meaning is the same - a passion for accumulation, accompanied by the fear of losing everything. Many people associate greed with practicality and frugality. But this is not entirely true. If frugality is saving on yourself, then greed is saving on others. Greedy people condemn any display of generosity from others. At the same time, they consider themselves to be generous in nature and are always counting expenses for relatives and friends. What a paradox! “Toad” lives in everyone, but it behaves differently. Rational greed is a defensive reaction aimed at preserving or increasing what one has earned or accumulated. As a safeguard, it prevents wastefulness. Pathological is already a medical diagnosis. Greedy people often become beggars. By accumulating and saving, they can lose everything in one moment.
Is greed a vice?
All our habits come from childhood. If the first years of life were full of hardships, mom and dad always saved, with age the child may develop stinginess and even a passion for hoarding. Money gives confidence in the future and reduces the fear of repeating the fate of your parents. Greed turns into a way to increase self-esteem and helps maintain peace of mind. However, doubts remain, and the need for savings increases every day. The development of stinginess, which sometimes develops into greed, is also facilitated by the example of constant saving by parents who are not poor. Their desire to increase family wealth.
Toys instead of affection
A greedy person can also grow up from a child who has lacked parental attention and care since early childhood. Fathers and mothers, who are emotionally cold towards their offspring, often shower them with sweets and toys. Children perceive this as a symbol of their parents' love. To preserve and increase it, they intensively accumulate evidence of attention. So adults who pay off their children with gifts must remember: at best, they will receive a Stingy Knight, at worst, Plyushkin.
With good intentions...
Most adults try to raise a child into a “real person,” but not everyone succeeds. If parents put pressure on the child, force him to be generous, to share toys and candy with other children, this sometimes causes a backlash. It manifests itself especially clearly in adolescence in the form of negativism, when children begin to do the opposite, resisting the tyrannical will of adults with all their might and means (from whims to aggression). Years will pass, and, lo and behold, the child will turn into a real greedy beef. Or even the immortal hero Gogol.
Plyushkin syndrome
Pathological greed - Plyushkin syndrome - often coexists with stinginess and increasing personality degradation. Remember how Nikolai Vasilyevich describes the hoarding landowner: “... he walked every day along the street of his village, looked under the walkways, under the crossbars and everything that he came across: an old sole, a woman’s rag, an iron nail, a clay shard - he dragged everything to to yourself." Plyushkins are still easy to find. They carry all sorts of rubbish into the apartment, resisting their family’s attempts to get rid of it. Pathological greed is a mental disorder. It mainly affects the elderly. The Plyushkins are sloppy, indifferent to their appearance, the order in the apartment, and lack shame. Inveterate hoarding is inherent in people with an anxiety-dependent, sadistic, asocial personality structure. Such a person has no interaction with himself; he is consumed by fear of reality and others.
Cures for greed
If life teaches the average greedy beef and, perhaps, forces him to reconsider his views on things, then Plyushkin has much less chance of correction. No cure has been invented for pathological greed. The situation is aggravated if the hoarder lives alone. But you can still try to become more generous. For example, start helping relatives, colleagues, friends. And not necessarily money. A good way is to invite guests more often. For any more or less significant holidays. If a person has children, do not interfere with their friendship with other children, give them small souvenirs, and seat them at the table with adults. The main thing is to take some steps. And don’t forget to critically monitor yourself through the eyes of an objective third-party observer!
Where does stinginess live?
It turns out that the passion for collecting originates in the frontal lobes of the cerebral cortex. Research by Professor Stephen Andersen from the University of Iowa has shown that as a result of traumatic brain injury to these areas of the brain, people who previously did not have a passion for collecting turned into pathological greedies and began to “collect” all sorts of rubbish.
Natural generosity
Paradoxically, only children in a family are usually more generous than those who have brothers and sisters. It’s just that no one forces them to share their favorite toys and candies. Accordingly, they do not become embittered, do not act out of the opposite direction, turning into stingy people.
Legendary person
Franklin Lawson, a resident of the American town of Kansas City, was a typical beggar. He begged for alms and lived on the streets. When he died, $350,000 was found in his mattress. Since “poor” Plyushkin did not leave a will, the money went to the municipal fund to help the poor.
Material from the printed version of the magazine “Aesthetics. Beauty. For women and men", No. 2, 2013
Few people think that character traits appear for a reason. Factors that contribute to its development include education, knowledge and personal experience. If childhood was difficult, there was a lack of parental love, then there is a risk of developing one of the psychological deviations - pathological greed.
General concept of greed
Most people who have this quality simply do not notice it. But it is obvious to others.
Greed can be described as an uncontrollable desire to possess something with an absolute refusal to give or share with others.
In English, greed is called "greed", which comes from the Sanskrit root "giddha" - "vulture". The very manifestation of quality is similar to the character of this bird: it grabs what it needs, then returns and demands more. Greedy people develop selfishness. Such people do nothing without profit. They will go over their heads, use other people and their feelings to achieve their goals.
Stages of formation
Pathological greed is formed in childhood, when the child lacked the love and care of his parents. Greed began to develop along with the desire to receive and the fear of losing the already rare moments of their manifestations.
There is another version of the development of greed, which is a consequence of physical underdevelopment.
The human brain is a very complex organ and consciousness is formed in several stages even in the embryo. At an early stage of development, primary instincts are formed in it, similar to animals: to eat, reproduce, escape from predators, steal food or an item out of necessity or simply for the sake of interest. If in the Stone Age these manifestations helped to survive, now they are the source of many problems in society. At a later stage, “humanizing” qualities develop in the brain: the ability to speak, think abstractly, love, desire for spiritual intimacy, shame and others.
As a result of mutation or heredity, a person may have a poorly developed later layer of the brain, causing the first layer to become more pronounced. Greed also belongs to this layer. Another reason for the appearance of greed may be brain injury or old age. During it, the later layer of the brain begins to work poorly, as a result of which all positive qualities are dulled. They may be replaced by greed, increased appetite, stinginess, cruelty and others. If the reason lies in psychology, then it is possible to overcome greed.
There are a lot of greedy people. Advertising has a great influence on the human psyche, the main goal of which is to play on human weaknesses. Advertising encourages people to fall for low prices, sales and other sales tricks and buy things that a person does not need. Observing this day after day, a false perception of the world and personality is formed.
Causes
The development of pathological greed is impossible out of the blue. You should look for reasons in your past.
- Feelings of fear and uncertainty. Constant fear for your future and the possibility of losing everything contribute to the development of excessive thriftiness.
- All-consuming desires. The main thing is to appear, not to be. In this case, a person spends a lot of money on things that emphasize his imaginary status. He becomes a hostage to his desires, which are increasing every day.
- Lack of love in childhood. The void, the place of which love should have taken long ago in childhood, is now, as an adult, filled by a person with things that are interesting to him.
- False values and beliefs. The concept inherent in childhood that everything in the world is limited and there is not enough for everyone provokes the habit of accumulation and the fear of giving or spending something.
Signs that appear
The fight against greed must begin at an early age. Children are greedy, take toys from each other, and do not like to share things that are valuable to them. In adulthood, such people strive to earn more and more money, buy more things, making unnecessary purchases or saving exorbitant amounts of income for a rainy day.
Constant crimes, robberies and murders are a “race” for wealth. All this is the consequences of an uncontrolled love of money. Under its influence, arranged marriages are created, which give rise to a huge number of problems, both for the spouses themselves and for their children.
A pathologically greedy person saves on everything and everywhere to the detriment of his health and comfort.
Absolutely useless things begin to appear in the house, and attempts to throw away old trash die in the bud.
Possible consequences
All mental disorders have consequences for the body, so you need to get rid of stinginess at least for the sake of improving your health. During the experiment, patients were asked to take a test on the topic of economics and finance, the main purpose of which was to determine the level of a person’s stinginess. As it turned out, the more greedy the patient was according to the results, the more diseases were discovered in him. Greedy people face the following problems:
- hormonal imbalance;
- skin diseases;
- stroke;
- hypertension;
- heart attack, ulcer;
- gastrointestinal diseases;
- neuroses;
- insomnia.
All these diseases occur many times more often than in non-greedy people. At least for this reason, it is worth getting rid of greed as soon as possible, before the process of disease development begins.
Methods of disposal
Before you start an active fight against greed, you can try taking the following test:
- if you accidentally find money or win the lottery, should you put it aside for a “rainy day”;
- Do you think about where you would spend another person’s winnings if you were in their place;
- How often do you refuse to buy something when you have money in your wallet;
- Do you regret the money spent and think about what would have been better spent in a different direction?
If the answer to all questions is yes, then you should start worrying. You can't stop being greedy with the snap of a finger. The first thing to do is to recognize the existing problem.
How to get rid of greed as an adult:
- control your negative emotions, which are the source of greed;
- learn to enjoy the successes of others;
- stop excessive hoarding;
- pay more attention to spiritual development;
- share the need to acquire things with whim;
- correct prioritization;
- learn to give without demanding anything in return.
It is better to look at the mistakes of other people and learn not to be greedy from childhood. The following qualities should be cultivated in a child:
- teach him to share with others what he has;
- teach him to be happy with what he eats, wears and plays with;
- Encourage empathy in the child and teach him to help others;
- make sure that the child does not take other people’s things for himself;
- teach how to return a lost item to its owner.
You should spend more time in society, help, and not necessarily with money. Invite friends over and let children make new friends.
Conclusion
The more you give, the more you receive. If you sit and engage in continuous accumulation, earning and saving, it is impossible to feel the joy of the fullness of life. Those who are faced with this problem should seriously reconsider their views and get rid of greed as soon as possible.
Greedy men are not uncommon in the modern world. Sometimes the realization that the chosen one is a “stingy man” comes to women late. How to recognize a “miser” in a man before starting a serious relationship? What is the difference between greed and saving? The information below will help you understand these issues.
The foundation of behavior is laid in childhood. A man copies his father, grandfather, older brother, uncle, fully or partially adopting their negative and positive qualities. Also, a little boy remembers his father’s attitude towards his mother, and in the future he will use the same model of behavior. If the father deprived the mother of something, then the future man will do the same, since such behavior for him is the norm, instilled in him from childhood.
Stinginess and greed, which manifest themselves in older age, are caused by the following reasons:
- Lack of money in the family. A man who has been accustomed since childhood to saving on everything, constantly listening to reproaches from his parents about his wastefulness, is predisposed to stinginess. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that a little boy will subsequently grow into a greedy man. Psychology notes that a person, having become successful and achieved certain material benefits, can be generous, but at the same time economical.
- Material well-being in the family. Boys, spoiled from childhood by rich parents and knowing that the “best piece” will certainly be given to them, are also predisposed to stinginess. In relationships with the opposite sex, such greedy men will be selfish. They will not spend money on their beloved, and they will not save on their own hobbies and desires.
- Greed of father and mother. Stingy parents instill greed in the future man from childhood. Here, stinginess will manifest itself sooner or later, even if the young man was not previously greedy.
What is the difference between greed and saving?
Some women do not separate these two completely different concepts. It is believed that if a man saves on his beloved, then such a man is a “miser.” The stereotype that has developed over many years is almost impossible to break. But it is worth knowing that there is a fine line between economy and greed, only by violating which does a man become stingy.
What is the human uncontrollable desire to possess money, things, and the feelings of other people in quantities that significantly exceed the norm?
Saving involves giving up something in favor of conserving resources. That is, a thrifty person does not waste, but also does not hoard his savings in vain.
Greedy men differ from thrifty men in that they do not try to protect themselves from expenses, but, on the contrary, spend money on themselves and their own desires, bypassing the desires of people close to them. A thrifty man will not leave his beloved unattended, even if he is experiencing some financial difficulties. Therefore, you should not confuse greed and economy, and you should not blame a young man for stinginess if, instead of a huge armful of roses, he presented you with a modest bouquet of wildflowers.
It is worth knowing that a thrifty man is an excellent candidate for a husband. Your family will not be in need with him, as he knows how to plan expenses wisely.
A greedy young man can never become a good husband. He will save not only on the woman he loves, but also on children.
First date
The first meeting with a man, as many women believe, should be memorable. Flowers, a restaurant or cafe, beautiful gestures, compliments - all this should be present. According to representatives of the fair half of humanity, a man must make an impression, otherwise he simply will not be able to “hook” his chosen one.
On the first date, it is quite difficult to recognize a greedy person, since the lack of flowers or money is far from an indicator of stinginess, but just a coincidence. Perhaps the man simply did not have time to buy flowers or forgot. However, it is still possible to recognize greed by noting several nuances in the behavior of the chosen one.
Behavioral characteristics of “stingy guys” on the first date
Greedy men will never allow themselves to offer a lady an extra cup of coffee. And after a hint, they will make a barely noticeable dissatisfied grimace. However, inattentive or ill-mannered individuals can behave in the same way, with the exception of a grimace.
In addition, a greedy man will not forget to casually or covertly mention that he does not have a lot of money. Almost any conversation will turn to a financial topic. But there are nuances here: a self-respecting man will not discuss his lack of finances, even if he is a “stingy guy.” The phrase “no money” will be heard much later, when the relationship moves to a new level.
As practice shows, stingy representatives of the stronger half of humanity, when paying the bill for the first time with a lady in a cafe or restaurant, never leave a tip to the waiter.
Another important point that is worth paying attention to is the way he looks at you while placing an order in a cafe. A frightened or heavy gaze indicates that your chosen one is a potential “stingy guy.”
What to do if you realize that your husband is a greedy person
It happens that after several years of marriage a man turns out to be greedy. What to do in this case? The main thing is not to put pressure on him and make sure that this is really a manifestation of greed and not economy.
Greed for money does not always manifest itself immediately, and sometimes a woman connects her life with a man, not paying attention to his shortcomings. His pettiness and desire to control the expenses of his chosen one remain unnoticed exactly until the moment she becomes his dependent. That is, as soon as for some reason a woman remains unemployed, the greed of her husband becomes more noticeable.
In this case, the best help is the negotiating table. Try to call him for a constructive dialogue or use the tips below.
Joint purchases
Grocery shopping trips together are a great way to show your husband the real cost of goods. Some men, not knowing about the price of a particular product, begin to slander their wives, accusing them of wastefulness. This causes a storm of negativity in women, and they, obeying an emotional impulse, call their husbands greedy.
What to talk about with a man at this time? Communicate with him on topics unrelated to finances, the main thing is that the information is positive.
Payment of bills
Calculate your family budget together. Don’t take all the responsibility on yourself, but don’t shift all the payments to him either. A man should see you as a support, a reliable friend who will support him in any matter.
If your spouse treats joint expenses without proper understanding, then in this case you can entrust him with one-time payment for kindergarten, housing and communal services, Internet services and other things. However, this must be done without any reproach, without provoking a scandal.
What to talk about with a man in this situation? For example, tell him that you do not have time to visit the bank to pay bills, and a penalty will be charged on the outstanding debt. Emphasize that only he can help you here.
Joint holiday
Perhaps your beloved man is simply tired of exhausting work and needs rest. Spend time with him, away from children and family problems. This will strengthen relationships and help survive a crisis situation.
Praise is the best panacea for greed
Praise your man as often as possible, do not hesitate to compliment him. He needs to feel love, he needs care.
A man needs understanding and warmth no less than a woman. To overcome the first manifestations of greed, it should be treated with a certain superiority. Don’t be afraid to slightly exaggerate its advantages and downplay its disadvantages.
The wife is an example for the husband
Be an example for your loved one, give him gifts, just like that, for no reason. Small pleasant surprises will not leave him indifferent. Do you want to make your man generous? Be generous to him.
Don’t skimp on your emotions, rejoice like a child, learn to understand his sense of humor. Remember that greed can be not only material, but also emotional.
Change yourself
If you really have such a trait as wastefulness in your character, then try to get rid of it. Avoid unnecessary waste from the family budget, do not purchase unnecessary things that you can do without.
Do you love your man? Then get ready for the fact that you will have to adapt to it. Changes in behavior and character will help change not only the attitude towards you, it will also make your partner want to change.
Never compare
When communicating with your husband, do not mention other men, do not use them as an example - this will only aggravate the situation. Don't tell him that he is somehow worse than others. Your man should be unique, the best and the very best for you.
What not to do
Psychologists do not advise directly telling a man that you suspect him of greed. It is necessary to bring him to a discussion of the problem as gently as possible, otherwise a scandal may break out.
When communicating with a man, at the first signs of greed, you should not:
- insult and humiliate him;
- scream, threaten divorce;
- start a conversation in front of children;
- force a man to agree with your opinion;
- Blame your husband for his failure.
In addition, it is important to understand what caused the manifestation of greed.
Why did the husband become greedy?
This question is asked by women who for the first time encounter an unpleasant character trait of their beloved spouse. The appearance of signs of greed is determined not only by previously hidden stinginess and upbringing, but also by the defiant behavior of the spouse, as well as other factors. Such as:
- accumulated unresolved problems in the family;
- sexual dissatisfaction;
- betrayal;
- hard physical labor;
- lack of understanding on the part of the spouse, her aggressive nature.
Sometimes women themselves provoke such an attitude of their lover towards themselves. Demands to buy expensive gifts and extravagance destroy harmonious relationships.
In what situations is specialist intervention required?
You should contact a family psychologist for help if your husband has not previously exhibited such behavior. A critical manifestation of greed is considered to be saving not only on your wife, but also on your children, as well as on yourself.
It is worth knowing that pathological greed is equated to mental illness, and timely help to a loved one is a necessity.
After you have met a young man once and realized that he is incredibly greedy, the choice is yours: be with him and accept him as he is, or refuse to communicate with him. In any case, you need to listen to your own intuition and feelings - they will tell you whether you made the right choice.