How to erase personal history. Erasing personal history. Being a man means you have to account, you can't disappear as easily as a woman

Chapter 2. Erasing personal history

Don Juan was sitting on the ground near the door of his house, leaning against the wall. Turning over a wooden crate of milk bottles, he invited me to sit down and make myself at home. I brought a carton of cigarettes with me. I pulled out several packets and offered them to don Juan. He said that he does not smoke, but accepted the gift. We talked about how cold nights are in the desert and other little things.

I asked if my appearance disrupted his usual routine. He looked at me, frowning slightly, and replied that he had no routine and that if I wanted, I could spend the whole day with him.

I had prepared several genealogical survey cards in advance, which I was going to fill out from don Juan’s words. In addition, after rummaging through the literature on ethnography, I compiled an extensive list of the cultural features of the local Indians. I was going to review it with don Juan and note what seemed familiar to him.

I started with genealogy.

What was your father's name? - I asked.

“I called him “dad,” don Juan answered completely seriously.

With some irritation, I thought that he did not understand and that I needed to explain it to him. Showing the survey card, I explained that one empty column was left there for the father’s first and last names, the other for the mother’s first and last names. Then I decided that perhaps I should have started with my mother, and asked:

What was your mother's name?

“I called her ‘Mom,’” he replied with disarming naivety.

Restraining myself and trying to be polite, I formulated the question differently:

What did others call her? How did they even address her?

With a stupid smile, the old man looked at me and scratched behind my ear:

Yeah... That's where you caught me. Need to think…

After a moment of confusion, he seemed to remember something.

I got ready to record. With a thoughtful look, don Juan said:

Other? Others addressed her like this: “Hey, listen up!”

I couldn't help but laugh. It all looked really comical, and I couldn’t understand whether this was a cunning old Indian who was deliberately fooling me, or whether he was really a simple-minded fool. Having been patient, I tried to explain to him that this issue was very serious and that filling out the questionnaires was a very important point in my work. I did my best to ensure that he understood the idea of genealogy and personal history. When I finished, I asked:

So can you tell me your parents' names?

He looked at me. His gaze was clear and kind.

You're wasting your time. Let's not do nonsense.

I couldn't find anything to say. Just now I was talking to a confused, stupid Indian who was scratching his head in puzzlement, and then, after a moment, the roles changed: now I myself felt like a fool, and he looked at me with a completely indescribable look. There was no irritation, no contempt, no triumph or complacency in his gaze, but only clarity, penetration and kindness.

“I have no personal history,” don Juan said after a long pause. “One fine day I discovered that there was no need for it, and I got rid of it at once. Just like the habit of drinking.

I did not get anything. I had a feeling of vague anxiety. I reminded him that he himself gave me permission to ask questions. He again said that he did not mind the questions.

But I no longer have a personal story,” he said and looked at me searchingly. - When it became redundant, I got rid of it.

I stared at him, trying to understand the hidden meaning of his words.

But how can you get rid of personal history?

First you need to want it, and then, acting consistently and harmoniously, in the end you just cut it off.

But why?! - I exclaimed.

My personal history was terribly dear to me. I truly felt that without deep family roots there would be no continuity or purpose in my life.

Can you clarify what you mean when you say “get rid of personal history”? - I asked.

Destroy her. Erase, that’s what,” don Juan answered harshly.

OK. Let's take you, for example. You are yaks. How can this be erased? Because you can't change it.

Am I a Yaki? - he asked with a smile. - Why do you think so?

Right! - I said. “I can’t know this for sure, but you yourself know, and this is the only thing that matters and what makes this fact a personal story.”

I felt like I had hit the nail on the head. But he answered;

What I know, whether I am a Yaky or not, is not yet a personal story. Personal history becomes only what not only I know, but also someone else. As for my origin, I assure you; no one can say with certainty that he knows anything about it.

I hastily wrote down everything he said. Then, stopping writing, he looked at him. I couldn't figure out who I was dealing with. The whole set of impressions that he made on me flashed through my mind: the mysterious creepy look with which our acquaintance began, the charm of his statements that everything in the world agrees with him, his wit, composure and dynamism, and then - an expression of complete stupidity on his face when I asked about my parents, and immediately after that - the completely unexpected power of his answers, with which he put me in my place.

Are you wondering who I am? - he asked, as if reading my thoughts. “You will never know who I am and what I am like.” Because I have no personal history.

He asked if I had a father. I replied that there is. Don Juan said that my father is an example of what we are talking about. He told me to remember what my father thought of me, and then he said.

Father knows everything about you. That's why you are like an open book to him. He knows who you are, what you are like and what you are worth. And there is no force on earth that could force him to change his attitude towards you.

Don Juan said that everyone who knows me has formed a certain image of my personality. And with any of my actions I seem to feed and further fix this image.

Isn't it clear to you? - he said dramatically. - Your personal history constantly needs to be preserved and updated. So you tell your friends and family everything you do. And if you didn’t have a personal story, the need for explanations would immediately disappear. Your actions would not anger or disappoint anyone, and most importantly, you would not be bound by anyone's thoughts.

Why are we even talking about all this? Actually, all I had to do was fill out a survey card.

How why? - he answered. “We started talking about this because I said: asking questions about the past is a completely useless activity.

He spoke very firmly. I realized that I would not achieve anything, and decided to change tactics.

Is liberation from personal history common to all Yaqui Indians? - I asked.

It is inherent in me.

How did you learn this?

Life has taught me.

Did your father teach you?

No. Let's just say I taught myself how to do this. And today I will reveal this secret to you, so that you will not leave here empty-handed.

Come on,” don Juan said in a patronizing tone, “write it down.” You can't live without it.

I looked at him, and there must have been hidden confusion in my eyes. He slapped his thighs and laughed with satisfaction.

All personal history should be erased in order to... - he said slowly, as if dictating.

I took notes feverishly.

- ... to free ourselves from the restrictions that other people impose on us with their thoughts.

I couldn't believe my ears. He couldn't say it. I was literally depressed, which must have shown on my face. He did not fail to take advantage of this.

Here you are, for example,” he continued. - At the moment you are perplexed, wondering who I am. Why? Because I erased my personal history, gradually shrouding my personality and my entire life in fog. And now no one can say with certainty who I am or what I do.

But you know it yourself, don’t you? - I inserted.

Rest assured, I’m not either! - he exclaimed and shook with laughter.

He paused for quite a long time before saying “no either,” and I was sure that he would say “I know.” There was something threatening in his unexpected answer, and I felt fear again.

This is the little secret that I intend to reveal to you today,” don Juan said quietly. - Nobody knows my personal story. Nobody knows who I am or what I do. Even to myself.

He narrowed his eyes and looked into the space behind my right shoulder. He sat cross-legged and upright, but his body seemed completely relaxed. At that moment he was severity itself: neither give nor take - a mighty leader, a “red-skinned warrior” from the books of my childhood. I succumbed to my romantic imagination and suddenly clearly felt the contradictory nature of my attitude towards this man: he attracted me very much and at the same time confused me to death.

He sat like that, looking into the space in front of him for quite a long time.

How do I know who I am if it's all me? - he asked, motioning his head to everything that surrounded us: then he looked at me and smiled.

You must gradually create a fog around yourself, erasing everything around you step by step until there is nothing guaranteed, unambiguous or obvious left. Your problem now is that you are too real. All your intentions and undertakings, all your actions, all your moods and motives are real. But everything is not as simple and definite as you are used to thinking. You need to commit to erasing your identity.

But why? - I asked, stunned.

It suddenly dawned on me that he was telling me how to behave. For as long as I can remember, I always hated it when anyone tried to teach me how to live. The very thought that they were going to tell me what I should do immediately caused me to react defensively.

“You said you were interested in information about plants,” he said calmly. - What, do you think you’ll get it for free? What do you think it's called? We agreed - you ask questions, and I tell you what I know. If that doesn't suit you, then we have nothing more to talk about.

I was irritated by his terrible directness, but I was forced to admit that he was right.

Let's put it this way: if you want to study plants, you must, among other things, erase your personal history.

But how? - I asked.

Start simple - don't tell anyone what you're really doing. Then break up with everyone who knows you well. As a result, a fog will gradually appear around you.

But this is complete absurdity! - I exclaimed. - Why shouldn’t anyone know me? What's bad about it?

The bad thing is that those who know you well perceive your personality as a very definite phenomenon. And as soon as such an attitude towards you is formed on their part, you are no longer able to break the shackles of their ideas about you. I like the complete freedom of the unknown. No one knows me with complete certainty, as, for example, many people know you.

But this already contains a lie.

“False or truth, I don’t care,” he said harshly. - Lies exist only for those who have a personal story.

I objected that I did not like to deliberately mystify people or mislead them. He replied that I already mislead everyone with whom I deal.

The old man raised a sore point. I didn't even ask what he meant or why he thought I was always mystifying everyone. Instead, I immediately launched into an explanation - all my relatives and friends for some reason consider me an unreliable person, and this hurts me, since in my entire life I have never lied.

But you always knew how it was done,” he noted. - You lacked one thing - you didn’t know why you should lie. Now you know.

I protested:

Don't you understand - I'm fed up with being considered unreliable?

But this is so,” he said with conviction.

No, damn it! - I exclaimed.

Instead of taking this outburst of mine seriously, he laughed like crazy. I felt like I hated him. But unfortunately, he was right again.

Having calmed down, he continued:

If a person has no personal history, then whatever he says will not be a lie. Your problem is that you have to explain everything to everyone, and at the same time you want to maintain a feeling of freshness and newness from what you do. But it disappears after you've told someone everything you did, so to prolong it, you have to make things up.

I was stunned by this turn of our conversation, and tried to write everything down as accurately as possible. To do this, I had to focus completely on his words, leaving aside my own objections and the possible hidden meaning of what he was saying.

From now on,” he said, “you just have to show people what you think is necessary, but never say how you achieved it.”

But I can't keep secrets! - I exclaimed. - Therefore, what you say is useless to me.

Well then change! - he said sharply, his eyes flashing furiously.

He resembled a strange wild animal, but at the same time he was very consistent and thought extremely precisely. My irritation gave way to a state of confusion.

You see,” he continued, “our choice is limited: either we accept that everything is real and certain, or we don’t.” If we choose the first, then in the end we become mortally tired of both ourselves and everything that surrounds us. If we choose the second and erase our personal history, then everything around us plunges into fog. This is a delightful and mysterious state when no one, not even yourself, knows where the rabbit will jump out from.

I countered that erasing personal history would only increase feelings of insecurity and insecurity.

When there is no certainty, we are always on alert, we are constantly ready to jump,” he said. “It’s much more interesting not to know behind which bush the rabbit is hiding than to act as if you knew everything a long time ago.”

He fell silent and, it seemed, didn’t say a word for a whole hour. I didn't know what to ask. Finally he got up and asked for a ride to a neighboring town.

For some reason I was so tired from this conversation that I wanted to sleep. He asked me to stop the car and said that if I needed to rest, I should climb to the flat top of the hill near the road and lie on it face down, with my head facing east.

I fell asleep for only two or three minutes, but this was enough for my strength to be fully restored.

We reached the center of the town, where he asked to be dropped off.

“Come back,” he said, getting out of the car. - Be sure to come back.

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Erasing personal history is perhaps the most generalized of the non-doings of one's own self. It embraces all techniques of non-doing and implies the elimination of cause-and-effect relationships between the past and the present.

Don Juan invites Carlos to start erasing his personal history. In doing so, he refers not only to the need for Carlos to change his way of life and way of being, but also to the fact that such a change may result in the destruction of predestination by the past, by what the magician called “personal history.”

The idea seems strange to us not only because we are accustomed to think of the past as the foundation on which the building of the present rests, but also because we are accustomed to consider our past as something unchangeable - which gives us an excellent reason not to change anything about it . In working with groups, I am continually amazed at how time and time again people say they want to change, while at the same time doing everything they can to stay the same. They spend most of their time justifying their own past: “It’s because I never learned to discipline myself.”,"It's because I've always been weak", “It’s because my parents always overprotected me.”. This is because, this is because... And “this is because” always turns out to be somehow connected with the past.

The erasure of personal history is a magical possibility that is difficult to explain by rational logical thinking. Erase the past - don't try to overcome it, just erase it. This does not mean that we can erase the very events that happened in our lives sometime in the past. Rather, it is a severing of the connections that we have established with them and which are most obviously manifested in our way of being and way of life.

If personal history is the main obstacle to change, then the ability to erase it opens the door to freedom.

When we try to learn new ways of behavior, we feel resistance - it stems from the belief in our inability to do something that goes beyond the list of actions we have ever performed. We resist change. And when we try to change ourselves, we discover that the main obstacle standing in this way is our personal history. Family and friends also resist changes in us; they are intimately aware of our personal history and do not allow us to act outside the limitations it imposes. A meeting with the unknown puts them face to face with a problem - they do not know how to behave in a situation in which they are not trained in the rules of behavior, and therefore they try to avoid such a situation.

A rather dramatic example comes to mind. A few years ago, a 19-year-old woman took part in my workshop. Her life was full of problems - drug addiction, alcoholism, lack of work, bad family relationships and so on. I found her plunged into a suicidal depression, completely weakened by destructive habits. Over time, with effort, she was able to overcome her problems. She fought for change, gave up alcohol and drugs, found a job, and little by little her energy returned. However, as a result of the changes that had happened to her, her problems with her family began to intensify. Conflicts in the family became more and more acute. One day she spoke about a quarrel with her older brother, who attacked her for her behavior, which seemed very strange to him. The family did not know where she spent her free time, who her new friends were, or the reasons for the unexpected changes that had happened to her. They were so accustomed to considering her “incorrigible” that the sudden and mysterious change that occurred greatly alarmed them. They couldn't forgive her. The brother told her: "What's going on with you? You're crazy, I just can't understand you! You were better before; “Better be an alcoholic and drug addict, but not crazy.”. In the end, she chose independence and began to live her own life.

The struggle to erase personal history is a struggle not only against some elements of our existence that have become ingrained in our consciousness: those that give a feeling of security, thereby supporting the existence of the ego in a reality that may or may not be very pleasant, but at least familiar to us. This is a struggle with history, which has become part of our consciousness as a result of the actions of our loved ones, to whom it also gives a sense of security. There is nothing more dangerous to the ego than being associated with someone who defies classification. Personal history provides us with several labels by which we define our own persona, allowing us to reduce ourselves to just a few characteristics. In the same way, we classify everyone around us using similar labels provided to us by the past of these people, true or imagined. Since we cannot deal with the mysterious, we prefer to deal with labels. Therefore, no one surprises us. The faster we are able to categorize people, the more confident we are.

The loss of certainty based on our personal history about who we really are is quite consistent with and complementary to the loss of certainty about what we thought was the real world. We again discover that both ego reality and external reality are just descriptions. Thus, the process of erasure applies not only to personal history, but also to our ordinary description of the world.

The battlefield beyond description is the region of the unknown, the region where nothing is known in advance; it is not our “I” and not the outside world. This is a place where we can create, choose, and be whatever we want. This is the area of freedom.

Ego: verbal portrait (22)

This technique is a single exercise that is beneficial for you, and can also be usefully used as a preparatory exercise for various types of self-not-doing, such as individualized not-doing. It involves drawing up a written portrait of your personality and lifestyle that is as close as possible to the original - but it should be written in the third person, as if you were talking about someone else. The description must contain the following items:

Age
physical characteristics
Dressing style
Way of being
Health status
Frequently visited places
Places to Avoid
Frequently experienced moods
The type of people you are attracted to
The type of people you avoid
Types of work performed in the past; what work are you doing now
Characteristics of emotional life
The type of image projected onto the outside world
Daily recurring events
Structure of internal repeating events (cyclic repetitions)
Manner of speaking
Favorite topics of conversation
Way to spend free time
Approach to sexuality
Financial situation
Main advantages
Main disadvantages
The best of deeds
The worst of deeds
The best thing that happened to you
The worst thing that happened to you

Commentary on technology

It is very important to describe in the third person and to do this job while remaining as cold and scrupulous as possible. You should maintain a completely impartial attitude, as if you were talking about a person for whom you neither like nor dislike. If you approach this work with full responsibility, you can easily obtain a description of our ego; without a doubt, the ego is only a description supported by our actions. From the moment we delve into the practice of not doing, what we knew as “I” will appear in its true guise: as just a description - like what we have recorded on paper - which can easily be changed or simply discarded.

We begin to erase ourselves (23)

Don Juan's first instructions regarding erasing personal history can be used as introductory exercises for anyone interested in liberating themselves from the limitations of personal history:

1. Do not talk about your activities to other people without conscious intention, since this urge is based on the ego's desire to assert itself, which strengthens the personal story.

2. Start communicating not only with those who know you well, but also with those who have not yet categorized you according to your common background.

3. Avoid situations in which you may be required to explain or justify yourself; tactfully refuse anyone who demands any explanation.

4. Don’t reveal your plans to anyone. It's hardly worth hiding something if everyone knows you're hiding something.

Lie to yourself (24)

This technique of conscious self-deception as a form of not doing has proven to be highly effective, especially in cases where you need to free your self from the self-destructive aspects of your personal history - those that create your “terrible” appearance. I have recommended this technique to those who have exhibited high levels of self-judgment, believing that they are the worst people in the world.

1. Start by making an inventory of your thoughts over a period of eight days. If you are going through something like a self-deprecation crisis, three days will be enough.

2. Opposite the negative thoughts that are most characteristic of you, write compliments addressed to you that are directly opposite in meaning, for example:

3. Over a period of one to three weeks (depending on the severity of the case), repeat these false compliments to yourself as often as possible. Treat them as if they were true. If the opportunity arises, repeat what you think about yourself to someone else, without, of course, telling them that it’s all a lie. The first thing you will do when you get out of bed in the morning, and the last thing you will do before you go to bed at night, is repeat these false compliments out loud while standing in front of the mirror and looking at your reflection. And the fact that all this is a lie should not matter to you in the slightest.

2. Erasing personal history

Don Juan was sitting on the floor near the door of his house with his back to the wall. He turned over the wooden milk flask and asked me to sit down and make myself at home. I offered him a pack of cigarettes that I had brought. He said that he does not smoke, but accepted the gift. We talked about the cold nights in the desert and other usual topics.

I asked him if I was disturbing his normal routine. He looked at me with a kind of grimace and said that he had no routine and that I could stay with him until the evening if I wanted.

I had prepared several questionnaires on genealogy and family relations, and I wanted to fill them out with his help. I also compiled from ethnographic literature a long list of cultural traits that were believed to be characteristic of the Indians of this region. I wanted to go through the list with him and check off all the questions that were familiar to him.

I started with family relationship survey cards.

What did you call your father? – I asked.

“I called him daddy,” he said with a very serious face.

I felt slightly irritated, but continued, thinking that he did not understand.

I showed him the questionnaire and explained that one pass was left there for the father, and one for the mother. I gave an example of the different words that are used in English and Spanish to refer to father and mother.

I thought maybe I should start with my mother.

-What did you call your mother? – I asked.

“I called her mom,” he remarked in a very naive tone.

“I mean, what other words did you use to call your father or mother?” What did you call them? I said, trying to be patient and polite. He scratched his head and looked at me with a stupid expression.

“Yeah,” he said. - here you caught me. Let me think.

After a moment of confusion, he seemed to remember something, and I prepared to take notes.

“Well,” he said, as if he were caught in a serious thought. – what else did I call them? I called them hey-hey, dad! Hey hey mom!

I laughed against my will. His expression was really comical, and at that moment I didn’t know whether he was a very cunning old man who was fooling me, or whether he was really a simpleton. Using all my patience, I explained to him that this was a very serious matter and that it was very important for my job to fill out all these forms. I tried to make sure he understood the idea of genealogy and personal history.

– What were the names of your father and your mother? – I asked. He looked at me with clear and kind eyes.

“Don’t waste your time on this crap,” he said softly, but with unexpected force.

I didn't know what to say. It seemed as if someone else had spoken these words. A second before he had been a dumbfounded, stupid Indian scratching his head, and the next moment he had changed his role. I was stupid, and he looked at me with an indescribable look, in which there was no irritation, no hostility, no hatred, no regret. His eyes were kind, clear and piercing.

“I don’t have any personal history,” he said after a long pause. – one day I discovered that I no longer needed personal history, just like drinking, I gave it up.

I didn't quite understand what he wanted to say. Suddenly I felt awkward, threatened. I reminded him that he had assured me that I could ask him questions. He repeated that he didn't mind it at all.

“I no longer have a personal story,” he said and looked at me searchingly. – I left her one day when I felt that she was no longer needed.

I stared at him, trying to find the hidden meaning behind his words.

– But how can you give up your personal history? – I asked in the mood to argue.

“First you need to have the desire to leave it,” he said, “and then you should act harmoniously to cut it off little by little.”

– But why would anyone have such a desire? – I exclaimed.

I had a terribly strong attachment to my personal history. My family roots were deep. I honestly felt that without them my life would have no purpose or duration.

“Maybe you should tell me what you mean by giving up your personal history,” I said.

“Deal with her, that’s what I mean,” he remarked as he snapped.

Kept insisting that I didn’t understand it.

- Well, let's take you, for example. You are a yaki, you cannot change this.

- Am I a Yaqui? – he asked, smiling. – how do you know this?

- Is it true! - I said. – I can’t know this for sure. This is true. But you know it, and that's what matters. This is what makes a personal story. “I felt like I had driven him into a corner.

“The fact that I know whether I am a Yaqui or not does not make it a personal story,” he noted. – only when someone else knows about it does it become personal history. And I assure you that no one will ever know for sure.

I somehow wrote down what he said. I stopped writing and looked at him. I couldn't form an idea about him. I mentally ran through my impressions of him. In a mysterious and unprecedented way, he looked at me during our first meeting. The charm with which he claimed to receive the consent of everyone around him, his irritating humor and his alertness, his apparently stupid appearance when I asked him about his father and mother, and then this unexpected power of his statements, which were immediately rejected me.

“You don’t know what I am, do you?” - he said, as if he was reading my thoughts. – you will never know who or what I am because I have no personal history.

He asked me if I had a father. I said yes. He said that my father was an example of what he was talking about. He asked me to remember what my father thought of me.

“Your father knew everything about you,” he said, “so he had you completely planned out.” He knew who you were and what you did. And there is no force on earth that could make him change his opinion about you.

Don Juan said that everyone who knew me had an idea about me, and that I fed this idea in everything I did.

- Do not you see? he asked dramatically. – you must update your personal history by telling your parents, your relatives and your friends about everything you do. On the other hand, if you have no personal history, then no explanation is required, no one is angry, no one is disappointed in your actions. And, moreover, no one pins you down with their thoughts.

Suddenly an idea became clear in my mind. I almost knew it myself, but I never considered such thoughts. Having no personal history was indeed a very tempting concept, at least on an intellectual level. However, it gave me a feeling of loneliness that I found threatening and disgusting. I wanted to talk to him about these feelings of mine, but I remained on guard. Something felt terribly out of place about this situation. I felt awkward about getting into a philosophical argument with an old Indian who obviously did not have the "intellectuality" of a university student. Somehow he led me astray from my original intention of asking about his genealogy.

“I don't know how we're talking about this when all I wanted to know were some names for my forms,” I said, trying to steer the conversation toward the topic I wanted.

“It’s very simple,” he said. – the way we came to this conversation is that I said that asking questions about a person’s past is clearly nonsense.

His tone was firm. I felt there was no way to persuade him, so I changed my tactics.

“So, this idea of not having a personal history is what the Yaks do?” – I asked.

– This is what I do.

-Where did you learn this?

– I learned this during my life.

- Did your father teach you this?

- No, let's say that I learned it myself, and now I'm going to pass on the secret of it to you so that you don't leave empty-handed today.

“Write it down,” he said patronizingly. - why not. You seem to be more comfortable while writing.

I looked at him, and my eyes must have betrayed my confusion. He slapped his thighs and laughed with pleasure.

“The best thing is to erase all personal history,” he said, as if giving me time to write, “because this will make us free from the enveloping thoughts of other people.”

I couldn't believe he actually said that. I had a very difficult moment. He must have read my inner confusion on my face and immediately exploited it.

“Let’s take you, for example,” he continued to say. – right now you don’t know whether you are coming or going, and this is because I have erased my personal history. Little by little I created a fog around myself and my life. And now no one knows for sure who I am or what I do.

“But you know who you are, don’t you?” – I inserted.

- I honestly... I don’t know! – he exclaimed and rolled to the floor, laughing at my surprised look.

He was silent for quite a long time to make me believe that he would now say “I know,” as I expected. His unexpected turn was very threatening to me. I was really scared.

“This is the little secret I was going to tell you today,” he said in a quiet voice, “no one knows my personal story.” Nobody knows who I am or what I do. Even I don't know.

He squinted his eyes. He was not looking at me, but somewhere above my right shoulder. He sat cross-legged, his back straight, and yet he seemed relaxed. At this moment, he was the very embodiment of fury. I imagined him as an Indian chief, a “red warrior” in the romantic legends of my childhood. My romanticism led me astray and an extremely distinct feeling of duality took over me. I could sincerely say that I really liked him, and at the same time I could say that I was deathly afraid of him.

He kept this strange look for a long time.

“How can I know who I am when I am all this,” he said, pointing at his surroundings with a gesture of his head. Then he looked at me and smiled.

– Little by little you must create a fog around yourself. You must erase everything around you until nothing can be taken for granted. Until nothing is certain or real anymore. Your problem now is that you are too real. Your efforts are too real. Your moods are too real. Don't take things so much for granted. You have to start erasing yourself.

- For what? – I asked, stunned.

It became clear to me that he was prescribing my behavior. All my life I have come to a breaking point where anyone would try to tell me what to do. The simple thought that they would tell me what to do immediately caused me to actively protest.

“You told me you wanted to study plants,” he said calmly. - Do you want to get something for free? What do you think about it? We agreed that you would ask me questions and I would tell you what I know. If you don't like it, then we have nothing more to say to each other.

His terrible directness aroused a feeling of protest in me, but inside myself I admitted that he was right.

“Let’s do this then,” he continued. – if you want to study plants and since there is really nothing to say about them, then you must, among other things, erase your personal history.

- How? – I asked.

– Start with simple things. Such as not telling anyone what you're really doing. Then you must leave everyone who knows you well. This way you will create a fog around you.

- But this is absurd! – I protested. – why shouldn’t people know about me? What's bad about it?

– The bad thing here is that once they recognize you, then you already become something that goes without saying, and from that moment on you can no longer break the connection with their thoughts. Personally, I love the complete freedom of being unknown. No one knows me with frozen certainty the way people know you, for example.

“But that would be a lie.”

“I don’t care about lies or truth,” he said harshly. – a lie is a lie only if you have a personal story.

I began to object that I did not like to deliberately mystify people or mislead them. His answer was that I was already misleading everyone.

The old man touched a sore spot in my life. I didn't bother to ask him what he meant by that, or how he knew that I mislead people all the time. I simply reacted to his statements, defending myself with an explanation. I said that I was painfully aware that my family and my friends considered me untrustworthy, when in fact I had never lied in my life.

“You always knew how to lie,” he said. – and the only thing that was missing was that you didn’t know why to do it. Now you know.

I protested.

“Can’t you see that I’m really, really tired of people thinking I’m unreliable,” I said.

“You really are unreliable,” he noted with conviction.

- Damn it, it's not true! – I exclaimed.

My mood, instead of leading him to seriousness, made him laugh hysterically. I really couldn't stand this old man for all his antics. Unfortunately, he was right about me. After a while I calmed down and he continued talking.

When you have no personal history,” he explained, “nothing you say can be taken as a lie. Your problem is that you have to explain everything to anyone, impulsively, and at the same time you want to maintain the freshness and novelty of what you do. Well, since you cannot be delighted after you have explained everything you do, then you lie in order to continue these feelings.

I was truly taken aback by the scope of our conversation. I wrote down all his details as best I could, concentrating on what he was saying rather than wondering about my own bias or his meaning.

“From now on,” he said, “you must simply show people whatever you find necessary to show them, but never say exactly how you did it.”

- I can't keep secrets! – I exclaimed. -What you say is useless to me.

- Then change! – he said abruptly, with a furious gleam in his eyes.

He looked like a strange wild animal, and at the same time his thoughts and words were extremely connected. My irritation gave way to a state of unpleasant confusion.

“You see,” he continued, “we have only two choices.” We either accept everything as real, for sure, or we don't. If we follow the first one, we end up tired of ourselves and the world to death. If we follow the second and erase personal history, we will create a fog around us, a very delightful and mystical state in which no one knows where the hare will jump out, not even ourselves.

I began to talk about how erasing personal history will only increase our sense of insecurity.

“When nothing is certain, we remain alert, forever on tiptoe,” he said. - not knowing which bush the hare is hiding behind is more delightful than acting as if we knew everything.

He didn't say another word for a very long time. Perhaps an hour passed in complete silence. I didn't know what to ask. Finally, he got up and asked me to give him a ride to the nearest town.

I didn't know why, but our conversation left me devastated. I felt like I was about to fall asleep. He asked me to stop along the way and told me that if I wanted to relax, I should climb to the flat top of a small hill off to the side of the road and lie on my stomach with my head facing east. There seemed to be a sense of urgency in his voice. I didn't want to argue or maybe I was just too tired to even speak. I climbed the hill and did as he instructed.

I only slept for two or three minutes, but that was enough to renew my energy. We arrived at the city center, where he asked me to drop him off.

“Come back,” he said, getting out of the car. - be sure to come back.

From the book Karmic lessons of fate author Sheremeteva Galina Borisovna

From the book Soul Integration by Rachel Sal

From the book Aliens from Shambhala author Byazirev Georgy

From the book Find out your future. Make Fortune work for you author Korovina Elena Anatolyevna

Cycles of Personal Significance And when the bell rings, don’t be afraid, my friend! The clock strikes both on time and by the way - To the destruction of the mouse army. Hoffman. Nutcracker Life does not develop in a straight line. As they say, we would have reached quickly, but we forgot about the ravines. In addition, usually a person does not go

From the book by Carlos Castaneda, books 1-3 (translated by V.P. Maksimov, edited by V.O. Pelevin) author Castaneda Carlos

From the book by Carlos Castaneda, books 1-11 (Sofia Publishing House) author Castaneda Carlos

From the book Teaching of Life author Roerich Elena Ivanovna

[The importance of personal initiative] I took to heart everything that you write about employees, and I understand your desire to see more initiative among some members of the Society. Yes, it’s hard to see how people waste the most precious thing, namely time, marking time or carrying

author Castaneda Carlos

From the book The Sixth Race and Nibiru author Byazirev Georgy

From the book Astral Projection for Beginners. Six techniques for traveling to other worlds by McCoy Edain

From the book Journey to Ixtlan author Castaneda Carlos

From the book Fundamentals of Spiritual Physics author Sklyarov Andrey Yurievich

From the book Black Stripe – White! [A Practical Guide to Controlling Your Destiny] author Kharitonova Angela

From the book Basics of Corrective Palmistry. How to change fate along the lines of the hand author Kibardin Gennady Mikhailovich

From personal practice My old friend Tatyana in Moscow has been working in the financial market for many years, playing on the fall and rise of exchange rates. On the palms of her hands, the line of Fate is weak, with large gaps. Nevertheless, today Tatyana successfully earns up to a million dollars

From the book The Power of Silence author Mindell Arnold

From the book Signs on the Path from Nisargadatta Maharaj author Balsekar Ramesh Sadashiva

The term " personal story"introduced by Carlos Castaneda in his books.

Carlos Castaneda (1925-1998) - American writer and anthropologist, ethnographer, esoteric thinker and mystic, author of 12 volumes of best-selling books dedicated to the presentation of the shamanic teachings of the Yaqui Indian Don Juan Matus. Doctor of Philosophy in Anthropology. /Wikipedia/

“Each of you, and, unfortunately, even me, has a personal story. Every so-called “normal” person has it. Only the magician, the man of Knowledge, does not have it. Many of you believe that personal history is documentary, that it has its own metrics: where you were born, when you got married, and so on. In fact, personal history is a completely abstract concept. And therefore you can do whatever you want with it. But the best thing a person can do with their personal history is not have it at all.

To your parents, you are an open book. They know who you are, what you are like. They know what you are really capable of. No one and nothing can make them change their minds. Any of your close ones, however, even not very close friends, has such knowledge. They have a very definite image of your personality, and it is unlikely that this image will ever change. I say: unlikely, because you yourself are doing everything to preserve and strengthen this image. Any of your public actions is aimed at making sure that they think about you exactly what they think. And nothing else.”

Carlos Castaneda, “Closed Seminar of the Great Master”

“You were writing a personal history of yourself. The way you see it. But if your biography were described by someone close to you, I’m sure it would be completely different. What if your friend wrote it? What if he is an enemy? But the most interesting thing would be if your biography were suddenly written by a person who knows nothing about you except your name. Or maybe he doesn’t even know him.”

Carlos Castaneda, The Lost Lectures. Hunting for Power. The Way of the Dog"

Personal story- this is the totality of a person’s knowledge about himself, which is a product of his personal experience in the past. “Personal history is the established idea that people have about something or someone”/TO. Castaneda/. Throughout life, personal history is constantly updated, adjusted and demonstrated to other people. Personal history becomes not only what a person knows about himself, but also what others know about him. A person's actions and statements usually occur within the framework of a personal story.

Actions that go against personal history are accepted negatively by society. Relatives and friends, seeing that a person has become somehow “strange,” try to return him to his previous image. In order to get rid of any bad habit or negative behavior patterns, a person has to rewrite his personal history and change his environment.

Carlos Castaneda encourages in his books to get rid of personal history. In particular, to protect oneself from the interference of relatives and friends who constantly expect the subject to behave within the framework of the personal history that is well known to them. This practice is good for getting rid of automatisms in behavior and reactions to current events.

I do not call for the use of erasing the client’s personal history in psychological counseling in the form that Castaneda wrote about. This is somewhat “from a different story.” But I find it useful to use this concept when working with metaphorical maps. Becoming aware of how a person sees himself and how he presents himself to others can be therapeutic. This image is not always obvious to a person.

The roots of personal history lie in early childhood. The child selects the “right” actions in response to which he can get what he wants. Parents are a mirror that reflects the degree of “adequacy” of his actions.

Personal history has its secondary benefits. At the center is a sense of self-importance. Who doesn’t want to look like a good person, someone of status or authority in the eyes of others? A person shows strength because he wants to be respected. For example, someone who wants to look “macho” will never talk about his failure in love. And, conversely, in the case of demonstrating weakness, a person unconsciously wants to relieve himself of part of the responsibility for his life. Illness or poverty are also sometimes part of the personal story.

“The magician remains a magician exactly until the minute he realizes this ignorance,- Carlos said.- As soon as he begins to think that he knows something about himself, he has a personal story. And this is the verdict. Personal story- This is a portrait drawn by a five-year-old child whose connections between the hemispheres are disrupted. In this portrait it will be impossible to even make out where the head is and where the legs are, let alone find any similarity. What you think about yourself and what you are are as different as the “portrait” is from your actual appearance. However, most people for some reason are extremely interested in looking in the eyes of the rest of the world exactly as the poor sick baby painted them.”

Carlos Castaneda, The Lost Lectures. Hunting for Power. The Way of the Dog"

Layout “Personal history”

This technique is well suited for exploring the client’s personal history, how he sees himself, what he really is. The technique will help identify contradictions and conflicts.

Positions in the layout:

My personal story at this time in my life? How do I see and position myself?
Why do I need this particular image? What needs do I want to satisfy?
What am I really like?
My subconscious attitude towards the world?
The attitude of the world and other people towards me?
Advice. How can I satisfy my needs?

Case Study

For this technique, I took the “” deck, which is well suited for identifying scenarios and patterns of behavior. Here are the tales the client pulled out (see illustration):

1 - Once upon a time there was a dog
2 - Snow Queen
3 - Malvina and Pinocchio
4 - Tsar Koschey + Table with people
5 - Tiny Khavroshechka
6 - Mowgli

Client: Here I see a dog from the cartoon “Once upon a time there was a dog,” just at the moment when he is ready to hang himself on a branch out of boredom. Hmm... Does the card indicate to me that I whine and feel sad a lot? Well, there is something about me: I like to be “down” sometimes. I don't like this image. I didn't think I was positioning myself this way.

Therapist: Let's remember the plot of the cartoon. Maybe it will lead you to something important?

TO: The dog was kicked out of the house because he had become old and was no longer useful on the farm. And he was very worried... Exactly! This is about me. It is important for me to be useful and needed. If I feel unnecessary, then I see no point in such a life. Just like this dog...

T: Let's see why you need this.

TO: The Snow Queen. I see here a large figure that covers two small figures of children on top. What does she feel? A feeling of power, omnipotence. She is so big and strong, and they are so small and helpless... You know, the opportunity to help others really gives me a feeling of my own importance and omnipotence. When someone needs me, I feel big and strong.

T: Next position: Who are you really? Perhaps this image was simply invented by you, but in reality you are completely different.

TO: Malvina (the client laughed). Well, of course, Malvina. That's who I am. Teacher. This is what needs to be realized in me. I need to teach, educate, mentor someone. And in this case I feel important and needed. It’s good that my profession now meets this need, and I can realize myself in this.

T: Next position of the alignment: How does the world treat you?

TO: Tiny Khavroshechka. To be honest, I don’t really remember the plot of the fairy tale, but what catches my eye is that the girl gives the red guy an apple, and he accepts it. I remember the phrase: “You give me, I give you.” She doesn't just give him an apple. Apparently he wants to please?

T: Who can you identify with?

TO: I'm leaning more towards the girl character. It turns out that I am Khavroshechka, and the world is this good fellow. I try to please the world by giving it apples. And the world willingly accepts this gift. The boy likes the girl, he smiles at her. As I understand it, he will marry her in the end. That is, the world accepts my gifts, and he likes it.

T: How do you feel about the world?

TO: Tsar Koschey is wasting away over gold... But I’m not at all greedy for money.

T: These will not necessarily be material assets. You have certain resources that you are not ready to share with the world. What do you think this could be?

TO: Don't know. I guess I'm not a greedy girl.

T: Okay, let's ask the Resources deck about that. What do you have that you are not ready to share with the world? What kind of resource is this?

TO: People at the table, eating and chatting. Moreover, there are many of them. I understood everything. I really don't like large crowds of people. I'm an introvert. Lately I’ve even been thinking about writing myself down as a social phobe. Communication with people, especially strangers, is not easy for me.

T: Tell us about Koschei, who is shown in the picture. What can you say about him? What is he like? How does he feel?

TO: He is lonely, distrustful, suspicious. He’s sitting in some dark cave, he doesn’t want to let anyone in. And he doesn’t want to go outside. How does he feel? I think he's lonely. Nobody needs him. And he makes up for his uselessness with material accumulations. This fuels his sense of self-importance.

T: Look at the conflict here. On the one hand, you can satisfy your need to be needed only through society, that is, by communicating with different people. On the other hand, this is not easy for you, and you avoid large companies. But this leads to a feeling of loneliness and uselessness. What do you think about it?

TO: Do you need to get out into the public?..

T: Let's ask the deck for advice.

TO: Mowgli. The main message of this cartoon is “You and I are of the same blood.” The little boy feels quite comfortable and safe in the company of predators. And they really don’t touch him. On the contrary, they love and protect. What advice am I seeing here? Cast aside your fears, be equal with everyone - “You and I are of the same blood.” Trust the world and people around you more. Communicate more, meet, be open to new experiences. Yes, it's inspiring. I understood a lot about myself and about the world around me.

From the author

What you should pay attention to in the layout.

The client draws cards from the deck into a closed one and places them face down on the table. Then the cards are opened one at a time, the next card can be opened after the previous one has been studied. If any position in the layout raises questions, you can take out additional cards from the same deck of metaphorical cards or from any other that, in your opinion, is suitable for answering the question.

When all the cards are open, you can understand whether there is a problem and where it lies. A negative card in position 1 is not always a sign of a problem. It happens that a person in such a role feels good and comfortable. He is not ready to change anything. And the positive cards in positions 4 and 5 confirm this. There's no need to fix what isn't broken. If cards 4 and 5 are positive, then his personal history does not prevent him from interacting with society.

The presence of internal problems with self-determination can be indicated by a large discrepancy between the cards in the 1st and 3rd positions. How distorted is the image our client broadcasts to the world? How comfortable is he with this? And most importantly - why does he need it? Here you can already look for the roots of a distorted image of yourself. And check with the help of cards whether it would be better to change your personal story a little towards the real Self.

In the above scenario, the following problem emerged: the client wants to be useful and necessary for society and for the people around her. If she fails to do this, she becomes ill and the meaning of life disappears. Next, we find out that being a “teacher” is her true nature, her purpose, if you like. That is, there are no contradictions here.

Where do we find the contradiction? Koshchei’s card clearly indicates that the client is holding back some of her resources, is not ready to share it, is not ready to open up to the world. Here one can see a distrust of the world, an attempt to isolate oneself from it. But this does not allow her to fully realize her destiny. Further psychological work should be aimed at working with distrust of the world and subconscious fear of society. The client speaks about trust in Mowgli’s card.

In accordance with the ethics of psychotherapy, real cases are published with the consent of the client, dialogues and monologues are reduced to a minimum, and some circumstances of the real situation are changed.

(English: erasing personal history)

Don Juan said that my father is an example of what we are talking about. He told me to remember what my father thought of me, and then he said.
– Father knows everything about you. That’s why you are like an open book to him. He knows who you are, what you are, and what you are worth. And there is no force on earth that could force him to change his attitude towards you.
Don Juan said that everyone who knows me has an idea about me, and that I feed this idea with everything I do.
- Isn’t it clear to you? – he said dramatically. – You must constantly update your personal history by telling your parents, relatives and friends about everything you do; and if you didn’t have a personal story, the need for explanations would immediately disappear. Your actions could not anger or disappoint anyone, and most importantly, you would not be bound by anyone's thoughts.
<...>All personal history should be erased because... - he said slowly, as if giving me time for my clumsy writing - ... because it makes us free from the burdensome thoughts of other people.

- I mean a collection of your ordinary feelings and thoughts, your personal history, Clara explained. - Everything that makes you who you consider yourself to be, the one and only person.
What's wrong with my usual feelings and thoughts? I asked.
Her incomprehensible statements were definitely starting to irritate me.
These ordinary feelings and thoughts are the source of all your problems,” she said.

Target

Fluidity

Don Juan explained that by the time a warrior, having mastered dreaming and vision, will have developed a double, he must also succeed in erasing personal history, self-importance and routines.
He said that all the techniques he taught me, which I thought were just empty talk, were, in fact, a means of eliminating the impracticality of owning a double in the ordinary world, making myself and the world fluid, placing myself and the world beyond the boundaries of predictability.
“The fluid warrior can no longer accept the world in chronological order,” don Juan explained. – For him, the world and he himself are no longer objects. He is a luminous being in a luminous world. A double is a simple matter for a magician who knows what he is doing. Writing is easy for you, but you still scare Genaro with your pencil.

Stopping internal dialogue

He said that there are two main activities or techniques used to speed up the stopping of self-talk: erasing personal history and dream. He reminded me that in the early stages of my apprenticeship he had given me a number of special methods for changing my personality. I wrote them down in my notes and forgot about them for several years until I realized their importance. At first glance, these methods seemed like very specific ways to get me to change my behavior.

Eliminating self-pity

You change the façades by changing the use of island elements,” he said. Let's take self-pity again. It was useful to you because you either felt important, believing that you deserved better conditions, better treatment, or because you did not want to accept responsibility for actions that led to a state that caused self-pity, or because you were unable to make the idea of inevitable death a witness to your actions and give you advice. Erasing personal history and its three accompanying techniques are means used by magicians to change the façades of the island's elements. For example, by erasing personal history you denied the use of self-pity. For self-pity to work, you need to be important, irresponsible and immortal. When these feelings are somehow changed, you can no longer feel sorry for yourself.

Achievement

Getting rid of self-importance

He explained that in order to be self-important, and...

Taking responsibility

He explained that in order to help me erase my personal history, it was necessary to teach me three more techniques. They consisted of letting go of self-importance, taking responsibility for one's actions and using death as an advisor. Without the beneficial effect of these techniques erasing personal history could cause changeability in a student (shifty - dexterous, resourceful, cunning, fraudulent, dishonest, changeable), evasiveness and unnecessary suspicion about oneself and one’s actions.

Accepting death as an advisor

He explained that in order to help me erase my personal history, it was necessary to teach me three more techniques. They consisted of letting go of self-importance, taking responsibility for one's actions and using death as an advisor. Without the beneficial effect of these techniques erasing personal history could cause changeability in a student (shifty - dexterous, resourceful, cunning, fraudulent, dishonest, changeable), evasiveness and unnecessary suspicion about oneself and one’s actions.

Recapitulation

Florinda said that her benefactor considered the three main stalking techniques to be the most important tasks a warrior could perform - the box, the list of events to review and the stalker's breath. In his opinion, the most effective remedy for the loss of the human form is deep revision. After reviewing their lives, it is easier for stalkers to use all the things they have not done, such as erasing personal history, losing their own significance, breaking habits, etc.

Want and cut off little by little

– But how can you get rid of personal history? – I asked with a desire to argue.
– First you need to want it, and then a person must continue to harmoniously cut it off little by little.

Erase everything around you until nothing is taken for granted

“Take yourself as an example,” he continued. “At the moment, you don’t know what to do, because I erased my personal history, gradually shrouding my personality and my whole life in fog. And now no one can say with certainty who I am or what I do.
“But you know it yourself, don’t you?” – I inserted.
- I’m sure... I’m not either! – he exclaimed and rolled on the floor, laughing at my surprised look.
He paused for quite a long time before saying “no either,” and I was sure that he would say “I know.” His trick really scared me a lot.
“This is the little secret that I intend to reveal to you today,” don Juan said quietly. – Nobody knows my personal story. Nobody knows who I am or what I do. Even to myself.
<...>“How can I know who I am if it’s all me?” - he asked, motioning his head to point to everything that surrounded us. Then he looked at me and smiled.
- You must erase everything around you until nothing is taken for granted, until nothing is certain or real. Your problem now is that you are too real. Your aspirations are too real, your moods are too real. Don't take things so obvious. You have to start erasing yourself.

Don't reveal to anyone what you're really doing.

– Start with something simple – don’t tell anyone (revealing - make the hidden visible, open, show) about what you are actually doing. Then break up with everyone who knows you well. In this way you will gradually create a fog around you.

Stop explaining your actions

– Every time you feel obligated to explain your actions, as if you are the only one in the whole earth who lives wrong. This is your old sense of importance. You still have too much of it, just like too much personal history. And at the same time, you have never learned to take responsibility for your actions, you do not use your death as an adviser and, above all, you are too accessible. In other words, your life is still just as messy as it was before you and I met.

– Can you clarify what you mean when you say “get rid of personal history”? – I asked.
“Destroy her, end her—that’s what,” don Juan answered harshly.
- Let's take you, for example. You are yaks. Because you can't change it.
- Am I a Yaqui? – he asked with a smile. - Why do you think so?
- Right! - I said. “I can’t know this for sure, but you know it yourself, and that’s the only thing that matters and what makes this fact personal history.”
I felt like I had hit the nail on the head. But he answered;
“What I know, whether I am a Yaky or not, does not make it a personal story.” Personal history becomes only what not only I know, but also someone else. And I assure you that no one will ever know for sure.
<...>-Are you wondering who I am? – he asked, as if reading my thoughts. “You will never know who I am or what I am like.” Because I have no personal history.

Being alone without discomfort

I followed his advice, although not always literally, and was partially successful in breaking down daily routines, taking responsibility for my actions, erasing personal history. And finally I came to what terrified me just a few years ago. From now on I could be alone without disturbing my physical or emotional comfort.

Don't underestimate practice

He claimed that by getting me to focus on the pseudo-task of learning to “see,” he successfully accomplished two things. Firstly, he outlined a direct encounter with the “nagual” without mentioning him, and secondly, by means of a trick he made me consider the most important points of his teaching as unimportant. Erasing personal history and dreaming have never been as important to me as seeing. I found them to be a very exciting activity. I even thought that they were the practices that came easiest to me.
“The easiest thing,” he said mockingly when he heard my remark.

Moderation and strength

He convincingly explained that, thanks to his enticing maneuver, I became interested in the erasure of personal history and dreaming. The effect of these two techniques would be completely devastating if they were practiced in their entirety. And the main concern of every teacher is to prevent his student from doing something that will throw him into darkness and exhaustion.
“Erasing personal history and dreaming should only help,” he said. – To each student for support moderation and strength are necessary. This is why the teacher introduces the student to the way of the warrior or the way to live like a warrior. It is the glue that holds everything together in the magician's world. Little by little the teacher must forge and develop it. Without firmness and balance, it is impossible to stand on the path of knowledge.

Crucial moment

Your breaking point means the end of life as you know it.<...>You must leave your friends.<...>The criterion by which one can determine that a sorcerer is dead, don Juan continued, is determined by the fact that it becomes indifferent to him whether he is in society or alone. Your identity will die on that day When will you stop craving the company of your friends and using your friends as a shield?.

Leave friends

You must leave your friends. You must say goodbye to them on good terms (for good - idiom: forever, irrevocably). You cannot continue on the path of the warrior, carrying your personal history. And if you do not end your old way of life, you will not be able to follow my instructions.
Just a minute, a minute, a minute, don Juan,” I said. - I need to come to my senses. You're asking too much of me. To be honest, I'm not sure I can do it all. My friends are my family. My starting point (points of reference).
Exactly, exactly,” he noted, “your starting point.” That is why you should part with them. Magicians have only one reference point - infinity.

The back of the legs is a storehouse of personal history

“Walking always brings back memories,” don Juan continued. - The magicians of ancient Mexico believed that we store everything we experience in the form of sensations on the back of our legs. They considered the backs of their legs to be warehouses personal history person. So let's walk through the hills now.

Being a man means you have to account, you can't disappear as easily as a woman

“Sorry,” I said, “are you really going to tell me about your personal life?”
- Why not? – she answered the question with a question.
I launched into a long, detailed explanation of what don Juan had told me about the encumbering power of personal history and the need for every warrior to erase it. He also said that he forbade me to ever talk about my life.
She laughed loudly, as if I had made her very happy in some way.
“This only applies to men,” she said. – Not doing your personal life consists of telling endless stories in which there is not a single word about the real you. You see, being a man means having a solid history behind you. You have family, friends, acquaintances, and each of them has a certain idea about you. Being a man means you have to account, you can't just disappear. It took a lot of work for you to erase yourself. My case is different. I am a woman, and this gives me a wonderful advantage. I don't have to report. Did you know that women don't have to report?
“I don’t know what you mean by having to report.”
“What I mean is that a woman can easily disappear,” she said. - In any case, a woman can get married, she belongs to her husband. In a family with many children, daughters are discounted very early, no one counts on them, and there are chances that one of them will disappear without leaving a trace. Their disappearance is easily accepted. The son, on the other hand, is someone on whom the bet is made. It is not so easy for a son to slip away and disappear. And even if he does, he will leave traces behind. The son feels guilty for his disappearance, the daughter does not.

Errors

Hermitage is indulgence

“Now you must renounce,” he said.
- To renounce what?
- Detach yourself from everything.
- But this is impossible. I don't intend to become a hermit.

Personal history is a social personality, ChSV is a bodily essence

Personal story shaped by a sense of self-importance is the one automatic sleep (in Gurdjieff's terms) in which a person finds himself due to his underdevelopment .
A sense of self-importance arises when you are automatic existence, that is, existence with a fixed assemblage point, charged with those brought from outside meme complexes, that is, by patterns of perception and life, you form in yourself structure (personality) and which often does not correspond to yours essence (in Gurdjieff's terms) and creates internal conflict.
<...>Personal history is a log of actions due to this motivation. Personal history needs to be calibrated only relative to the path to complete freedom ala Castaneda.

Personal history is a set of patterns that the false ego associates with itself.

Sense of self-importance (SSI) is associated with reactive-instinctive things, and personal history (PH) with immediate concrete mentality, which is online in “working memory”. It’s hard to fight the unconscious (including the body), but more specific things (your ideas, patterns, worldview) can be sorted out in an elementary way. This is where the theme of excluding personal history comes into play.
What is LI if you've read Journey to Ixtlan? This is what you have invented about yourself and what connects you, through this invention, with other people, exactly the same inventions.
Here the first thing that different types of occultists, say Gurdjieffites, can remember is this Personality. Has developed Personality, it prevents us from living, it acts through the rational mind, operational this-worldly mercantile intellect. This is probably true, but let's go even further...
It all comes down to the idea of fixity within a certain range and the multiplicity of connections with other similar fixities. I retold the same thing a little more abstractly, but this brings up the theme of karmic conditioning and karmic relationships.
What we have invented for ourselves and support and associate with ourselves is called our Self or false ego. This false ego consists of connections with others outside and strange ideas about ourselves.
Personal history is ultimately a matter of eliminating this very false ego from our lives in order to discover the inner, authentic, energetic ego.
<Исключение личной истории не является самоцелью и вершиной. Наоборот. Исключение личной истории - это фундамент на котором разворачивается дальнейшая практика.>

Not making a personal story is synonymous with the path to achieving nirvana

As Castaneda writes, a conscious, controlled shift of the assemblage point is possible only after the loss of the human form.
The human form is... if you look for the description in KK and find it in the teachings of the Jains... it is a kind of sticky substance that cements or makes your karma. For Buddhists, the human form is a karmic conditioning. The root of karmic conditioning is the Self. Deliverance from the human form
Reaching the Tipping Point